My favorite Champions character was in a "spoof" Champions game named 
"The Immovable Ironed Man".  His story goes like this:

(pay attention now -- there'll be a quiz later. :) )
 ------
It was a dark and stormy night when Driar Washer sat in his 
laundromat.  Tony Starch, the billionaire industrialist and town 
boozer, had just dropped off his tuxedo to get out the beer stains, 
as he did every Thursday.  As Tony headed out into the parking lot, 
taking a swig of Jimmy B, Driar noticed that in his haze Tony had 
forgotten his claim ticket.

Rushing headlong into the relentless downpour, Driar handed the 
ticket to Tony.  Tony embraced Driar, kissed him, and said, "Buddy, 
if there's anything I can ever do for you, you just NAME it!" Driar 
asked if Tony could make him a powerful suit of armor, with the 
weaponry and sophistication to make Driar a shining force for justice 
in these troubled times.  Tony said ok.

Over the next 5 months, Driar and Tony laboured to build the armor.  
It had to meet Driar's exacting specifications, based on blueprints 
for a hand iron Driar had found in the basement.  When it was 
complete, they sat in awe of their greatest creation.

The suit was made from a special titanium-lead alloy, making it 
durable, impervious and flexible.  The fact that it was so heavy only 
made it more impressive, and the mini-fusion power source permitted 
even a man of Driar's small frame to move about in the suit with ease 
and even only mild clumsiness.  They fashioned it in the shape of a 
massive hand iron, with protusions for Driar's arms and legs.

In the arms, they placed powerful steam blasters, and chemical jets 
which could cover opponents in a resilient coating of starch.  At 
Driar's insistance, they had installed powerful boot jets, allowing 
the user to fly the great bulk of the armor at an impressive 60 mph 
for a full 10 seconds before the power source became exhausted.  It 
could also fly 5 mph for extended periods of time.  In both cases, 
the suit spouted gouts of flame and foul smelling smoke from the 
feet, often leaving scorch marks and melting roofing tile when Driar 
landed.

In practice, Driar found that his most powerful weapon, however, was 
the armor itself.  Driar found that his most damaging attack was to 
land flat-side down on opponents from great heights.  One spectacular 
instance involved Driar and a powerful villian falling through 90 
floors of a skyscraper, crashing into the sub-basement with a 
thunderous explosion.

But the suit was not perfect.  In their effort to build the 
sophisticated weaponry, they had neglected to put in a slit for the 
user to speak through.  So Driar ended up yelling at the top of his 
lungs muffled heroic slogans over the fierce roar of his boot jets.

Thus was born -- Ironed Man!!!

Oh, yeah!  He has a theme song.  Wanna hear it?  Well, you're going 
to anyway....

[to the tune of "Spider-man"]

Ironed Man, Ironed Man
Does whatever an iron can.
Steams a shirt, starches pants,
squashes bad guys like they're ants.
LOOK OUT!...
Here comes the Ironed Man.

Is he strong? Listen bud.
Extra-strength is in his blood.
Watch him fly overhead.
Stand too close, you'll burn your head.
LOOK THERE!
There goes the Ironed Man.

In the chill of night
at the scene of the crime
Keeps your colors bright
at 10 minutes a dime!

Ironed Man, Ironed Man.
Every temperature Ironed Man.
When a thug is in his reach,
never uses too much bleach.
LOOK THERE!
There goes the Ironed Man!!!!

(fin)

Ok.  You can throw up now. I'm done. :)

-dug@lugaru.com