Other Black Library titles by the same author

BRUTAL KUNNIN
An orks novel

RITES OF PASSAGE
A novel featuring the Navis Nobilite

ALPHARIUS: HEAD OF THE HYDRA
A Horus Heresy Primarchs novel

ROAD TO REDEMPTION
A Necromunda novel

UNDERHIVE
A Necromunda anthology featuring the novella Wanted: Dead
and the short story ‘A Common Ground’ by Mike Brooks

Other great Warhammer 40,000 fiction featuring the orks

THE BEAST ARISES: VOLUME 1
An omnibus edition of the novels I Am Slaughter by Dan Abnett,
Predator, Prey by Rob Sanders, The Emperor Expects by Gav Thorpe
and The Last Wall by David Annandale

THE BEAST ARISES: VOLUME 2
An omnibus edition of the novels Throneworld by Guy Haley,
Echoes of the Long War by David Guymer, The Hunt for Vulkan
by David Annandale and The Beast Must Die by Gav Thorpe

THE BEAST ARISES: VOLUME 3
An omnibus edition of the novels Watchers in Death by David Annandale, The Last Son of Dorn by David Guymer, Shadow of Ullanor by Rob Sanders and The Beheading by Guy Haley

THE LAST CHANCERS: ARMAGEDDON SAINT
by Gav Thorpe

FARSIGHT: EMPIRE OF LIES
by Phil Kelly

LEGACY OF DORN
by Mike Lee

BLOOD OF IAX
by Robbie MacNiven

Contents

Cover

Backlist

Title Page

Warhammer 40,000

Mekkin’ Trouble

Ded Shooty

Seein’ Red

Runnin’ is a Plan

Environmentul Considerashuns

Anuvver Fine Mess

No Orks, No Masters

Reflections

Nuffin’ ta Lose (But Yer ’Eads. an’ Yer Limbs.)

Above an’ Beyond

Da Notorious

Blaze of Glory

About the Author

An Extract from ‘Brutal Kunnin’

A Black Library Publication

For more than a hundred centuries the Emperor has sat immobile on the Golden Throne of Earth. He is the Master of Mankind. By the might of His inexhaustible armies a million worlds stand against the dark.

Yet, He is a rotting carcass, the Carrion Lord of the Imperium held in life by marvels from the Dark Age of Technology and the thousand souls sacrificed each day so that His may continue to burn.

To be a man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cruellest and most bloody regime imaginable. It is to suffer an eternity of carnage and slaughter. It is to have cries of anguish and sorrow drowned by the thirsting laughter of dark gods.

This is a dark and terrible era where you will find little comfort or hope. Forget the power of technology and science. Forget the promise of progress and advancement. Forget any notion of common humanity or compassion.

There is no peace amongst the stars, for in the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war.

MEKKIN’ TROUBLE

Death was everywhere, and it was going boom a lot.

Fingwit cowered down and whimpered as a full mob of orks pounded past him, howling with glee at the prospect of a decent scrap, and firing off their sluggas more out of delight than any real attempt to hit the enemy. A shell ricocheted off a wall and screamed over Fingwit’s skull before he even realised he should be ducking, so close to his skin that it felt like it had carved a furrow right over the top of his head. He drew in a reflexive breath to shout in outrage, but the syllables died before they reached his throat. There was no chance of the ork hearing him, and if it did, it would likely just kick him back down the corridor. Grots didn’t talk back to orks, at least not if they wanted to keep all their limbs attached.

‘Alright, Fingers, lissen up!’ a gargantuan voice bellowed, and Fingwit flinched as Klaws’ thumping steps heralded the arrival of the scarred, towering ork himself. Klaws was an Evil Sunz mek, and had been a thumping good one until an accident involving an overcharged kustom mega-blasta saw him lose both his hands. He had replaced them with a power klaw on each wrist, which made him a terrifying opponent for enemies – such as the humies whose ship they had just boarded – but left him unable to do anything involving digital dexterity, which when you were a mek, was quite a lot of what you were expected to do.

Which was where Da Fingers came in.

Fingwit was the nominal boss of this crew of grots, inasmuch as Klaws blamed him if the others did something wrong. Then there was Grubba, who kept a colony of hair squigs on his chin in imitation of Klaws, and because he thought it made him look good; Duzzik, who was small even for a grot, and useful for squeezing (or being shoved unwillingly) into tight spaces to get things unjammed; Swikk and Flish, who looked so much alike that they had their own names written on their forearms so they could remember which one they were, and who were fascinated by shiny objects; and Rattak, whose nimble digits were perfect for fine wiring, but were more often put to use stealing someone else’s food.

Between them, they theoretically made up for Klaws’ lack of hands by doing what he told them. However, as the mek himself had often declared, the difference between theory and results was a zogload of swearing.

‘Dese humies fort dey could lay a trap for Da Meklord’s fleet, but dey weren’t expectin’ us ta board ’em!’ Klaws growled, as each Finger stood as straight as he could. ‘Now, Da Meklord wants dis ship under ’is control, an’ he don’t like bein’ kept waitin’. Da boyz’ll take care o’ dat – not like yoo’d be any use dere!’ He guffawed a laugh, and Fingwit smiled obediently, and a little nervously. Klaws seemed to be in a good mood, but that mood could turn faster than a cyboar on nitrous.

‘Nah, our job is ta take control of da gunz,’ Klaws said, with a grin that exposed his plentiful, large teeth. ‘Den when we got ’em, we’re ta shoot da uvver humie ships wiv ’em.’

‘Dat’s brilliant!’ Rattak piped up. ‘Dey’ll never expect ta be shot by dere own gunz!’

‘Course it’s brilliant, ya little git!’ Klaws snarled, all traces of his good mood instantly evaporating. ‘It’s Da Meklord’s plan, an’ Da Meklord is da greatest brain da orks ’ave ever had!’ He jabbed at Rattak’s chest with one of the prongs of his right power klaw, causing the grot to jerk back against to wall to avoid being casually impaled on it. ‘Did I ask yer opinion of Da Meklord’s plan? Well? Did I?’

‘Nah, boss!’ Rattak squeaked, shaking his head so desperately that his ears flopped back and forth across his face, and one hit him in the eye. Fingwit could not suppress a snigger as his fellow grot yelped in pain, but luckily for him Klaws found it funny as well. The mek threw his head back and laughed, the red-clad bulk of his chest and stomach heaving as he did so.

‘Didn’t fink so!’ He sobered as abruptly as he had begun to laugh, and glowered down at them all, then reached up to scratch the bushy mass of white hair squigs that completely obscured his jawline. ‘Follow me, den! If ya don’t mess dis up, dere’s extra lunch in it for ya!’

‘An’ wot if we do mess it up, boss?’ Duzzik asked in a small voice.

‘Den yoo’ll be lunch,’ Klaws said, beaming nastily.

A trio of meganobz Fingwit recognised as Ruggaz’s Destroyaz clanked past behind Klaws, clad in metal plating as thick as Fingwit’s chest was deep, and belching smoke from the whining power generators on their backs. Fingwit watched awestruck as the giant shapes strode onwards, bedecked with massive gun barrels and bristling with explosive rokkits, their sizzling power klaws and spinning killsaws powering up, ready to deliver messy evisceration and truly obscene amounts of dakka to the luckless humies who were trying to defend their ship, somewhere a bend or two farther on down the corridor. He had never wanted to be a humie, but right at this moment Fingwit was even more grateful to Gork and Mork that he wasn’t one. Being a grot was a tough life, given that an ork might at any moment decide to use you as a slave, target practice, or, in a pinch, a meal, but being a humie had to be worse.

‘Keep yer ’eads down if ya wanna keep ’em on yer shoulders!’ Klaws boomed jovially, and set off in the wake of the hulking meganobz. Da Fingers scuttled after him, bunched up so close together that Fingwit almost felt like he was part of a single organism with six heads, twelve legs, twelve arms, and insufficient firepower. He had also been jostled to the front. Again.

He quickly checked the chambers of his blasta as they hurried along on Klaws’ heels. It was a simple weapon, but then again, what grot weapon wasn’t? Fingwit had built it himself, painstakingly putting the bits together until it no longer blew up in Duzzik’s hand when Fingwit made him test-fire it. It had eight chambers, each one loaded, and he had various spare rounds secreted away, since past experience had taught him that Swikk and Flish’s obsession with shiny objects extended to stealing other grots’ ammo if they could see it. It was good enough, he supposed – it would put a hole in a humie, so long as they weren’t one of the cowards who wore armour – but Fingwit dreamed of a proper gun.

Oh, how glorious that would be! A kustom mega-blasta, like the one that had blown up and taken Klaws’ hands off (well, not exactly like that one – preferably one that didn’t explode), which fired a blinding beam of energy that could melt through even the toughest metal plating! A rokkit launcher, which could blow up and take other people’s hands off from a safe distance (safe for you, anyway, at least most of the time)! A big shoota, which could spit out more slugs than Fingwit’s entire blasta held, in the time it would take him to sneeze! Fingwit had few long-term aims in his life, since he was mainly concerned about the short-term considerations – like not getting squished in whatever piece of machinery Klaws had him fixing, or stepped on and squashed flat by a Deff Dread – but he really, really wanted a gun so big that the recoil when he fired it would knock him off his feet.

It would never happen, though. No one would waste a gun like that on a grot. Not unless he managed to end up on the crew of one of the big mek guns, but that would never happen while Klaws was still around. Besides, it still wouldn’t be his gun: it would belong to whatever mek had built it, and Fingwit would be operating it with half a dozen other grots to boot. No, the only way a grot would get a decent gun would be if he was wired into a Killa Kan, and that was a one-way trip. It might be worth it, but it would still rely on Klaws letting Fingwit leave his service for any reason other than the sudden onset of death.

As it was, Fingwit’s only real option was to hurry along after Klaws, hope that the meganobz would deal with any humies that might take shots at them, and be ready to shove one of the other Fingers in front of him in case it looked like that wasn’t going to be the case.

The floor was suddenly softer and rather more squishy than Fingwit was expecting, and his foot slipped from beneath him, sending him into the wall. The rest, pressed up close behind him, stumbled in their turn, and then Fingwit was in a flailing mass of arms, all trying to latch on to something to remain upright.

‘Wot da zog are yoo lot up to?’ Klaws bellowed, as Fingwit managed to keep his feet by dint of grabbing Flish. The other grot ended up face-planting, but the momentary support was enough for Fingwit not to fall, and he took a look downwards at what had caused all the problems.

‘I got git on me foot, boss,’ he reported. He hadn’t seen the mangled humie remains before he trod in it, and now his right foot was tracking red smears around. There were more bodies in the upcoming corridor section, he saw now: clearly, this was where the defenders’ first doomed stand had taken place, only to be smashed apart by whichever mob of ladz had been first out of the ’Ullbreakers.

‘Keep up, or yoo’ll ’ave one less foot ta go stickin’ in fings,’ the big mek growled, and Fingwit hurried to obey. He could hear the thump and krump and dakka of explosions and gunfire coming from ahead of them now, and while those were not normally sounds towards which he would hurry, given orks’ tendencies to use grots as bullet shields and his own decidedly inadequate firepower, if he had to enter such a battle then there was no better way to do it than behind three meganobz.

Also, he wanted to keep both his feet. When you were a mek’s ‘assistant’, you might have a better chance than the average grot of receiving a prosthetic leg, even one more advanced than a simple wooden peg, but there was absolutely no guarantee that it wasn’t going to be an experimental contraption that could maim you in some other interesting way. Meks sometimes liked to test their ideas for such things before they risked fitting them to powerful individuals like nobz, and grots were the perfect candidates. Tazzag Rokkitfoot could have told anyone that, had his replacement leg not propelled him into the side of a Gargant with lethal force.

The corridors were showing greater signs of battle now, with massive holes where ork shells had missed their intended target and detonated, and huge flowers of sooty darkness where skorchas had incinerated everything in their path. There were ork corpses, those boyz who had been shot enough times that even their hardy constitutions could no longer drive them onwards, and Fingwit cast a longing glance at a dropped slugga: a simple gun by ork standards, but still much bigger and more powerful than the one he clutched between his sweating palms. However, the humies were by far the more numerous bodies littering the floor, blown apart by gunfire or carved up by choppas, and leaking everywhere. There was no way to avoid getting git on his feet now.

‘Fingwit?’ Rattak hissed.

‘Yeah?’

‘Ya know ’ow red wunz go faster?’

‘Yeah?’ Fingwit replied, wondering where in the name of Gork’s grin Rattak was going with this.

‘D’ya s’pose dat’s why humies bleed so easy?’ Rattak asked, as Swikk paused for a moment to yank something small and shiny and winged off a dead humie’s hat. ‘Dere blood’s dat really bright red, an’ dere skins ain’t tough, so when dey get cut, it all runs out real quick?’

‘Never really fort about it,’ Fingwit said non-committally. Everyone knew that red ones went faster, of course: Klaws was an Evil Sun, so all the Fingers were too – even if they’d never say so where an ork could hear them, because orks didn’t like grots ‘gettin’ ideas above ’emselves’ – and nothing went faster than an Evil Sun, because Evil Sunz wore red. Goffs might think they were meaner, and Snakebites might think they were tougher; Bad Moons might think they had the better guns, Deathskulls might think they were luckier, and Blood Axes might think they were sneakier – and they undoubtedly were sneakier, because sneaky was nothing to be proud of in an ork, and a Blood Axe grot could slap you in the face and steal your teef while he was there – but the Evil Sunz left the other clans in the dust when it came to actually getting somewhere first. It was no good being meaner or tougher if someone else had killed all the enemy gits before you caught up.

Even so, Fingwit was unsure if the same logic applied to humies and their strange ways. They sort of seemed to have clans, in that humies in one place dressed differently to humies in another place, and might even fight a bit differently, but as for their blood moving more quickly just because it was red…

‘Nah, reckon they’re just a bit crap,’ he concluded, after a little more rumination on the subject. Something exploded ahead of him, rather more loudly than had occurred so far, and he flinched. ‘Arrrgh!’

Ruggaz’s Destroyaz, who had been clumping along at the steady pace of orks who knew they weren’t going to get anywhere first, but were equally sure that the fight would still be going on by the time they arrived, suddenly accelerated. Built-in shoutaz in their armour amplified their already deep, powerful voices as they bellowed war cries, and they thundered ahead through a large hole in a wall. Fingwit thought it had probably held a door at one point, at least twice the height of an ork and easily more than that across, but judging by the shreds of torn and twisted metal around the edges, said door had been incapable of standing up to the TekWaaagh!’s advance.

‘Now remember,’ Klaws growled, ‘we only fight da gits we meet when we’ve gotta go froo dem, got it? Our job is ta get to da gunz, den blow da uvver humie ships up wiv ’em. Dat’s gonna be much more fun dan killin’ a few humies here,’ he added, obviously trying to convince himself. As a mek, the opportunity to mess around with humie guns would be a huge draw, and one of the very few reasons why an ork would pass up the chance for a decent scrap here and now. For other, less technology-oriented orks, it was no contest.

So far as Da Fingers were concerned, any battle they couldn’t avoid outright was best sneaked through with no one taking any notice of them, so this was music to their pointed green ears. However, they still did their best to look suitably chagrined, as though it was only Klaws’ stern words that were preventing them from charging at the humies with blastas and shanks drawn, and the names of Gork and Mork on their lips. It was always good to make an ork think you wanted to fight the enemy, so long as that didn’t mean you actually had to fight the enemy. Although, if you did have to fight the enemy, it was still advisable to look like you wanted to, since the enemy was probably less scary than the ork ordering you to fight, might actually be more scared than you, and could possibly be prompted into running away before you reached them if you looked suitably enthusiastic about the whole situation.

‘Get movin’, den!’ Klaws bellowed, and set off at a dead run without waiting to see if they responded to his yell. Fingwit was, as ever, seized by the momentary temptation to run in the other direction: to abandon his position as head of Da Fingers, and try to find a better life for himself. The trouble was, he had no idea where such a better life might be found. Besides, although obeying Klaws’ yelled instructions and taking a kicking when he got something wrong was far from ideal, at least Fingwit wasn’t one of the masses of grots thrown ahead of ork lines in combat, to get whatever gits they were fighting properly warmed up by the time the boyz got to them.

Anyway, the others would only snitch on him the first chance they got, and then Klaws would come and track him down. Fingwit did not much care for the mental images conjured up by that possibility, so he put his head down, ran as fast as he could after his master’s receding, red-clad bulk, and prayed to both Gork and Mork that nothing would shoot him.

It’s not like I’m askin’ for no one ta get shot, dat wouldn’t be right, an’ I know neither of ya would stand for it. I’m just sayin’ dat dere’s others wot would like it better’n I would. Dose megaboyz, f’rexample, dey like gettin’ shot, cos dey can larf when it bounces off, an’ da gits wot shot ’em get scared…

Fingwit ran through the mangled remains of the door, out of the corridor, and into war.

DED SHOOTY

It was a massive space. Most ceilings soared high above Fingwit, because most places he was ever in had been built for orks, and he was far smaller: however, this ceiling was tall even by those standards, and probably could have accommodated a Stompa beneath it. The walls disappeared away on all sides as well, revealing an area that seemed to be the humie equivalent of a mekboy workshop, or similar: there were crane thingies with grabbas on the end, and lifta-decks such as those which Klaws would use to raise a buggy off the ground if he wanted Da Fingers to take a look underneath it, but the owner was raising a stink about them just tipping the zogging thing onto its back (so far as Fingwit was concerned, any buggy that couldn’t take being rolled onto its back didn’t deserve to be running anyway, but no one was going to listen to him). Great metal storage crates were piled here and there, massive hoses as thick as Fingwit snaked across the floor, and enormous fans whirred in the walls, chopping the air into tiny fragments.

And everywhere Fingwit looked, orks and humies were doing their level best to kill each other.

There were more humies than orks, by some way, but so far as the orks were concerned, that just meant they had a higher target density to aim at – insofar as they ever truly aimed at anything, rather than pointing a weapon in the general direction of its intended target and letting Gork and Mork sort it out. Fingwit saw a twenty-strong mob of humies firing their weedy little energy weapons – sort of like kustom mega-blastas but without being very ‘kustom’ or ‘mega’ – at ten ork choppa boyz charging towards them. Only two boyz were still on their feet by the time their charge hit home, but they each took out three or four of their enemy before the humies managed to desperately bludgeon and stab them down to the deck, and even then one of them still had his jaws clamped around a humie’s leg.

A different bunch of humies had boomstikks, and had dug themselves into a corner between two crates. Those weapons seemed to have more stopping power, given that an ork that tried to get at them was thrown backwards missing most of his chest. Or head, it was hard to tell. However, the nob of the next mob on the scene took one look at the situation and solved it with a well-placed stikkbomb, hurled overarm and followed by an obscene gesture. The blast resonated violently and loudly against the metal walls between which the humies had squeezed themselves, and bits of them came spraying upwards and outwards.

Fingwit couldn’t help himself. He stopped and gaped in awestruck delight at the scene in front of him. Fighting was terrifying and painful, yes, but watching a good scrap was a pleasure any grot could enjoy (so long as his side was winning, or at the very least there wasn’t a chance of him being caught up in it any time soon). Ruggaz’s Destroyaz were clunking across the metal deck, spraying flames and shells at anything that moved, and quite a few things that weren’t moving. Desperate humie shots spanged or fzzzed off their armour with little more effect than minor dents or blackened paintwork, and the grim-faced resistance in front of them began to back off and panic as nothing they could bring to bear showed any signs of slowing the mega-armoured nobz thundering towards them. The humies broke and ran, but too late: the Destroyaz took time to get up to speed, but once they did, they moved deceptively swiftly. The humies were caught and butchered, either clubbed down by oversized gun barrels, torn apart by energised klaws or spinning saw blades, or simply trampled flat by the mega armour’s sheer mass.

The meganobz weren’t going to have it all their own way, however: the humies had found one of their walkers from somewhere, the odd spindly sort that looked like they’d taken the nose cone of a dakkajet and put it on legs. It clanked into view from behind one of the repair stations, paused for a moment while it settled back into immobility with a whine of hydraulics, then opened up with its weapon.

This was also an energy weapon, but unlike the ones carried by the humies’ footsloggers, it packed a real punch: multiple sizzling blasts lanced out, striking the leftmost of the three meganobz. Not even mega armour could properly stand up to such an attack, and the gyro-stabilisers failed to prevent the nob from toppling backwards, his flesh charred beyond toleration, power lines scorched, drive belts severed, and crankshafts melted.

Ruggaz and his remaining companion weren’t going to take that from something which looked like it would come off second best in a shoving match with a Killa Kan, and they changed direction to head straight for it. The humie walker shifted aim and clipped Ruggaz himself on the shoulder, but the beam deflected off and nearly bisected Duzzik, sending Da Fingers diving for cover.

It would take more than a glancing hit to stop a meganob once he was on the charge. The walker took a backstep, trying to recalibrate its sights, but the humie pilot was clearly too shaken by the prospect of death lumbering towards it to do the job properly: the two Destroyaz reached the machine before it could land another more telling shot on either of them, then quite literally cut it off at the knees. The cockpit landed on the ground with the squealing crunch of damaged metal, and was rapidly hammered flat with the humie still inside.

Fingwit took this all in within the space of a few seconds, his eyes as wide as a boosta-blasta’s exhaust pipes, and some long-buried part of his orky nature surged up inside him. Yes, Klaws had told them to only fight enemies they encountered in the direction he was leading them, but this was too good an opportunity to miss. There were a few humies not too far away, sheltering behind a bunch of barrels next to a big crane tower. Humies didn’t go in for decent glyphs and pictograms much, preferring their strange spider-scrawl that told you nothing useful, but those barrels were marked with something that even Fingwit could recognise was meant to signify fire. Fire was a bit like squigs: it was useful, it was funny, and under the right circumstances, you only needed a little to make a lot more.

Fingwit lifted his blasta, sighted down the barrel, and pulled the trigger.

He might have cheated a bit by actually aiming first, but it proved worthwhile – his shot hit true, and although the slugs of his blasta were weak compared to the weapons carried by the shoota and slugga boyz currently getting stuck in throughout the chamber, they were strong enough to penetrate the flimsy metal that was all the humies had thought to protect their fuel with. His first shot sprung a hole in the barrel, and his second kicked up enough of a spark off something for the liquid glugging out of it to catch light. And when that happened…

BOOM!

Fingwit instinctively closed his eyes against the sudden blaze of light, but all he got for his trouble was the after-image of his own retinas in his vision. The blast of air expelled outwards was warm and acrid, and powerful enough to stagger him, and as for the noise… There was a high-pitched whining in his ears, and for once it wasn’t Rattak.

He cautiously opened his eyes again to see exactly what manner of destruction he had wrought, and his mouth dropped open.

A billowing black cloud of smoke was already beginning to press itself against and along the ceiling, rising up over the remnants of the barrels, and the scattered, burning bodies of the humies who had been crouched there. A few other humies a bit further away were picking themselves up off the floor, just in time for a handful of orks – one of them with his shirt on fire, but apparently unwilling to let that stop him – took advantage of the distraction to pile into them.

‘Wot woz dat?’ Klaws bellowed, swinging around with a face like thunder. He caught sight of the blasta in Fingwit’s hand, before Fingwit could think to stuff it back into his belt and play innocent, and his eyebrows rose in surprise. ‘Fingwit? Did ya just–’

A creaking, groaning noise cut the mek off, and Fingwit saw with horrified delight that his blast had bent and damaged some of the cross-hatch of metal bars that formed the body of the crane tower. It shifted slightly, then stopped, and he thought for a moment that nothing else was going to happen.

Then it began to move again, and this time it kept moving.

The tower came down with a noise like a metal tree being felled, splatting a few unfortunates flat beneath it, and the tether to which the grabba-klaw was attached whiplashed downwards as it did so. The momentum was sufficient to break the klaw’s grasp on the crate it had been gripping, which tumbled through the air with the aerodynamic grace of a headless corpse, if the corpse was made of metal and the size of a trukk. It landed on its side and ground across the deck, sweeping a knot of combatants in front of it before they could get out of the way, and slammed them all against the far wall hard enough to pulverise them into something approaching the consistency of snotling poo.

‘Whoa,’ Flish said, blinking in what might have been wonder, or equally could have been terror.

‘Fingwit!’ Klaws bellowed, his brows lowering once more into a far more familiar expression of anger, and Fingwit just managed to duck out of the way as the mek took a swipe at him with one of his power klaws. It was so unfair! So what if he might have unintentionally got a few of the boyz as well? The main thing was that none of them were in any sort of shape to come over and take issue with him about it. Like Da Meklord himself said, ‘If yer gonna krump yer own side when ya don’t mean to, make sure ya do it good an’ ’ard so dey can’t start a fight wiv ya about it afterwards, uvverwise neever of ya are gonna end up fightin’ da right gits.’

Unfortunately, Klaws didn’t seem to have taken Da Biggest Big Mek’s words to heart, and was angrier about the fact that Fingwit had technically ignored his instructions; angry enough, in fact, that he’d powered up his klaws. His swipes had enough force behind them to end Fingwit’s barrel-exploding days once and for all, instead of being the kind of gentle corrective taps he used in the workshop (the sort that might only snap a rib, or leave Fingwit seeing stars for a couple of hours). Fingwit yelped in fear as he ducked under one swing that could have taken his head clean off, and did what he’d been told to do in the first place: he put his head down, and ran.

He wasn’t paying a great deal of attention where he was running to, since the most important thing was getting away from the furious mek trying to end his life, but even though the boyz were definitely getting the upper hand in the fight going on around them, this did not seem like a particularly safe place to linger. Fingwit caught sight of another doorway which could well have been in the direction they were supposed to be heading anyway, and pelted towards it as fast as his legs could carry him. If he could just keep ahead of Klaws for long enough, the mek might calm down a bit and remember that he’d been given a task to complete by Da Meklord himself, and decide to leave Fingwit’s punishment until later. And the important thing about ‘later’ was that it was not ‘now’, and with a bit of luck that particular part of ‘later’ might never arrive at all…

Fingwit was a good couple of trukk-lengths into the new corridor by the time he realised that it was already occupied, and occupied by humies with guns who were heading towards the big fight. He scrabbled and slid to something approximating a stop, looking desperately around for something to hide behind, but humies tended to keep their corridors annoyingly free of cover for the hard-working grot who simply wanted to stay alive.

Gun barrels began to snap up, and Fingwit closed his eyes in preparation for the end.

‘Fingwi–’ came the start of a roar from behind him.

The crack-sizzle of las-fire rang out just as Fingwit threw himself to the deck. Death seemed less painful than he had expected, and he could still hear what was going on. He could still smell stuff, as well…

The stink of ozone reached his nose, and he looked up as the hulking shape of Klaws thumped past him, the humies’ gunfire being mostly turned aside by the kustom force field generator strapped to his shoulders. However, Fingwit saw a couple of las-bolts penetrate the flickering energy field and strike home. They didn’t do anything to improve the mek’s temper, but they did serve to redirect it.

‘Ladz,’ Klaws snarled, as smoke rose from his belly and shoulder, ‘I hope yoo woz lookin’ for a fight, cos ya just found one!’

SEEIN’ RED

Fingwit knew what was coming next. After all, he had installed enough of Klaws’ Speshul Supa Go-Fasta Buttons onto vehicles brought in for kustom jobs by nobz looking to get that little bit more performance out of their engines when heading for the enemy, or trying to outdo their rivals in a strip race. He knew what that same button on Klaws’ armour was for.

The mek raised one arm and slammed the inside of his forearm into his chest, activating the canister strapped to his ribs. It wasn’t proper engine boosta, it was the stuff the Snakebites would pump into their beasts to make them go properly berserk just before they hit the enemy’s lines, but the effect was much the same. Klaws’ eyes bulged, he began to froth at the mouth, and he lurched towards the panicking humies with a cry of feral rage. Their last, ragged volley of las-fire did nothing to slow him, and he hit them in a bellowing blur of energised metal, flying saliva and thoroughly uncomplimentary language.

‘Cor,’ Swikk said, as half a humie bounced off the ceiling and landed behind Klaws, with an expression somewhere between fear and chagrin. ‘Da boss’s a bit ticked off, innee?’

‘Dat’s Fingwit’s fault,’ Duzzik squeaked. ‘Blew up a bunch of stuff when ’e weren’t meant to.’

‘Da boss never needs a reason ta be in a bad mood,’ Fingwit said stoutly. He slapped Duzzik around the head anyway, more on general principle than because he was worried Klaws would hear and get angry with him all over again, since the mek was still slaughtering his way up the corridor.

‘Don’t fink dem humies shootin’ at him ’elped, mind,’ Grubba opined, stroking the hair squigs on his chin as though it made him look smarter, instead of entirely too full of himself.

‘Dey ain’t doin’ very well, are dey?’ Flish said, as another head came sailing off shoulders. ‘Given ’ow many of ’em dere are. Or were,’ he added.

‘Dunno,’ Fingwit said slowly, squinting as he tried to get a good look. ‘I fink dey’ve got him with a couple o’ stabbas. Look, dere’s one in ’is leg.’

‘An’ one in ’is back,’ Rattak observed, then winced. ‘Ooo, right under a rib, dat’s gonna sting.’

‘Do ya… s’pose we should ’elp?’ Duzzik asked reluctantly.

Fingwit eyed the ongoing scrap with the calculating eyes of someone who had got very good at recognising which way a fight was going to go, mainly so he could be somewhere else if it started to spill in his direction. It looked as though Klaws was going to finish his enemies off, at least unless one of the remaining humies pulled off some sort of very unlikely heroics, but perhaps a little assistance now to make sure of it wouldn’t hurt. It might be a close thing, but Klaws was still probably a safer bet for Fingwit personally than a few injured, angry and scared humies were.

And besides, given they were all concentrating on the mek, they probably wouldn’t even see Da Fingers coming.

‘Alright, ladz!’ he yelled, drawing his shank and waving it above his head inspiringly. ‘Let’s stab ’em in da back!’

Grots might not relish the thought of a fair fight against an enemy who knew they were coming – whereas most orks other than Blood Axes yelled war cries as they charged, mainly to make sure that the gits were facing the right way and didn’t have any excuse not to put up a proper fight – but no self-respecting grot would turn down the chance to stick something sharp into someone who wasn’t paying attention and wouldn’t have the chance to fight back. If that was an enemy, as currently defined by whatever warband said grot belonged to, so much the better.

Having made up his mind to get stuck in, Fingwit charged as fast as he could, in order to give the humies the smallest amount of time possible in which to see him coming and do something unfair like turn around, or shoot at him. He wasn’t going to shoot them until he was right up close, since that was also a good way to give away your intentions, but someone – by which he meant Duzzik – clearly didn’t have the same level of intelligence or sneakiness. The little git emptied his blasta with a high-pitched yell, but only managed to score a single hit, and even that was turned aside by the armour of the humie in question. It staggered from the impact and began to turn, and Fingwit abruptly realised that he was the closest grot to it.

‘Stick ’em before dey stick you’ was practically a grot code of conduct, and one Fingwit adhered to closely. With his element of surprise compromised, but no other realistic options available to him, he screamed and launched himself at the humie, seeking to achieve with speed and a sharp object what he had been hoping to accomplish through stealth alone. His leap saw him hit the git at chest height, and his desperate stab drove his blade into the side of its neck in the gap between the top of its armour and the bottom of its helmet. The humie fell backwards with a gurgle, and Fingwit landed on top of it.

Humies were tricksy gits, and Fingwit was not prepared to trust that this one would stay down from a single bit of sticking. He took the considered decision to make sure of his kill, which was definitely what he was doing, not frantically stabbing as hard and fast as he could at anywhere he could reach, while screaming relentlessly at the top of his lungs. Only when the humie underneath him had quite definitely stopped moving did he risk ceasing his assault and looking around to see what else was going on.

As it turned out, everything seemed to be dying down, in the most literal sense. The other Fingers appeared to have overwhelmed the humies they had attacked without losing any of their own number, and Klaws himself was standing puffing in the middle of a veritable pile of humie bodies, his chest heaving and his pupils gradually dilating again as the effects of the nitrous began to wear off.

‘Gork’s teef, dat was a good scrap,’ the mek said, shaking chunks of gore and viscera off his weapons. ‘It’s been too long since I’ve had one like dat.’

‘Yoo got some stabbas stuck in ya, boss,’ Rattak piped up. ‘Want us ta get ’em out for ya?’

Klaws grunted. ‘Nah, leave ’em. Dey’re plugging da ’oles, in’t dey? If ya take ’em out den da blood’ll get out, an’ I ain’t no painboy, but I know yer blood’s meant ta be on da inside. Kinda like da fuel in a buggy, only blood blows up less.’ His eyes tracked towards Fingwit as he spoke, and for a moment Fingwit expected the mention of exploding fuel to trigger a resurgence of the mek’s temper directed at him, but it seemed that his earlier transgression had been either forgiven or forgotten. Klaws’ gaze skated over and past him, and the ork pointed down the corridor.

‘Dat way.’

‘’Ow d’ya know dat, boss?’ Grubba asked, always looking for a chance to curry favour by giving Klaws a chance to show off. On this occasion, however, his tone of voice must have held a smidgen too much doubt for Klaws’ liking, because the mek swung for him with a growl.

‘Cos all humie ships are built da same, ya squig-brained little git!’ Klaws snapped, as Grubba ducked under the blow and scurried away in the direction the mek had been indicating. ‘Well, most of ’em are,’ Klaws corrected himself, setting off. The rest of Da Fingers fell obediently in behind him, with Fingwit quite glad that Grubba had taken his place as Grot That Klaws Liked Least At The Moment.

‘O’ course, it takes a real expert ta know about da precise variashuns in inter-rear design,’ Klaws continued, warming to his subject as he limped along, the humie stabba still jutting out of his thigh. ‘Luckily for yoo ladz, old Klaws ’as been on more’ve dese humie rust buckets dan yoo’ve had ’ot dinnaz!’

Fingwit, who could remember precisely five times in his life when he had been able to get his hands on some food before it had long since gone cold, nodded obediently and kept those particular thoughts to himself. Klaws definitely knew his stuff, so there was no reason to doubt him. Besides, Fingwit himself had followed the mek onto a couple of humie ships before now, and he reckoned he could probably find his way about reasonably well if he needed to. Klaws was right: say what you wanted about humies, but they liked straight lines, and most of their ships were just one thing, rather than a bunch of other ones welded together. They might lack the character of a proper ork kroozer, but you were less likely to find that the passage you were walking down suddenly ended at the exterior of what used to be another ship’s hull. If you started going in one direction in a humie ship then you could probably keep going in that direction fairly well, so long as you could get through the doors, and, of course, any defenders who might object to you taking a walkabout in what they assumed was their property.

Doors were unlikely to be too much of a problem: Da Fingers had some explosives with them, and Rattak was good at prising panels open and poking around with wires until he achieved the desired result or got half-fried by a surge of electricity (either of which outcomes counted as a win so far as Fingwit was concerned), and if all else failed you could sometimes get a humie door open by pressing a dead one’s hand or face into things. Even if it didn’t work, it was still a good laugh for a while.

‘Now, ya see dis fing ’ere?’ Klaws said. He tried to point at a humie sigil on the wall, but the arm he used was apparently not working properly at the moment, because he gave up after a second and used the other one instead. ‘Zoggin’ fing… Anyway, dat dere, dat symbol means we’z on da wrong level. We needs ta be…’ He sucked air in through his teeth, in the universal manner of an oddboy about to give an opinion on a subject on which he considered himself to be an expert. ‘About four levels down.’

‘How we gonna get dere, boss?’ Duzzik squeaked.

‘Simple,’ Klaws said. ‘We’re gonna take da lifta.’

Fingwit wrinkled his brow. ‘Dey got a lifta-droppa? An’ we’re gonna nick it?’ Fun although that sounded, he wasn’t sure how it was going to help them much: a lifta-droppa was great for hoisting enemies high into the air and then letting them plummet to the ground again, but it didn’t sound like the best solution to their problem as Klaws had described it.

‘Nah,’ Klaws grunted. ‘Humie liftas don’t work like dat. Oi, Grubba!’ he bellowed, startling the grot in question, who had been keeping a safe distance ahead of the rest of them. ‘Press dat button beside ya, on da wall!’

Grubba did so, then withdrew his finger quickly. ‘It lit up, boss!’

‘Dat’s wot’s meant to ’appen,’ Klaws said, in as close to a reassuring tone of voice as he ever got. ‘Now we just needs ta wait, until–’

Ping!

‘An’ dere we go,’ the mek beamed, as two parts of the wall slid apart from each other to reveal what looked like a small room beyond. ‘Everyone in!’

‘Wot’s dis, boss?’ Fingwit asked. There was not a great deal of space inside, especially when one of the party was Klaws. Swikk’s elbow was jabbing him in the ribs, but he was curious despite himself. ‘Ooh, an’ wot’re all dese buttons for?’

‘Don’t push ’em all!’ Klaws ordered, but he was too late. Flish had already gleefully mashed his hand into the panel, causing half a dozen of the buttons in question to light up. The doors in front of them slid shut, and the floor beneath them shifted.

Upwards.

‘Yer zoggin’ little git!’ Klaws raged, making a grab for Flish. ‘I said not ta push ’em all! Now we’re goin’ da wrong way!’

‘Sorry, boss!’ Flish yelped, taking the only evasive action he reasonably could in such a confined space, and darting between the mek’s legs. Klaws leaned over to try to grab him, missed, then began to lumber around in a circle.

‘Yer gonna be more’n sorry when I get hold of ya!’ Klaws reached out again, but only caught empty air as Flish dived to the floor, then rolled behind Swikk. His partner in shiny object procurement wanted no part of it, however, and scarpered out of the way, leaving Flish with nothing except a corner to wriggle fruitlessly into as Klaws closed in on him.

‘Gotcha!’ the mek exclaimed triumphantly, hoisting the struggling grot up into the air with his good arm. ‘Ya wanna press all da buttons, do ya? Go on den, press ’em with yer face!’ He whirled around, ready to slam Flish into the panel and probably end his miserable life, just as–

Ping!

The lifta came to a stop, and the doors slid open again to reveal a group of humies, whose expressions rapidly shifted into mixtures of shock and terror at what was waiting for them. They scrabbled for their guns, their reflexes cramped by their panic, and Klaws, who had been about to dash out whatever brains Flish’s skull might contain, changed his aim with the casual ease of one to whom improvisation in combat was second nature.

Flish flew through the air, and collided with the face of the closest humie, whose look of utter bafflement in the moment before it was nearly decapitated by a ballistic grot was one of the funniest things Fingwit had ever seen in his life. The humie went down like a drugged squiggoth, and if it had been alone, that would have been an end to it other than a knife across its unresisting throat, and Swikk and Flish – assuming he recovered from the impact – nicking anything shiny from its corpse. However, there were four others with it, and while Fingwit was not an expert in humie clothes, they all had enough bits of sparkly metal pinned to their chests for him to recognise them as humie bosses.

Wounded or not, Klaws was still the first to move. He lurched forward with a roar and reached out for the nearest humie’s throat with the crackling blades of his power klaw.

‘Get ’em, ladz!’ Fingwit yelped, because if there was one thing he knew, it was that humie bosses were not necessarily any better at scrapping than the regular ones. It was one of the strange things about humies, which he had never understood: why would anyone do what someone else told them to, unless they were worried about getting their head staved in if they didn’t do it? Also, if there was another thing he knew, it was that he did not want to be stuck inside a confined space if any of the humies had their equivalent of a stikkbomb with them, and thought to chuck it inside before the doors closed again.

The nearest humie had drawn some sort of pistol and was already aiming it at Fingwit, so he threw himself at the git’s legs and wrapped his arms around them, trying to trip his enemy to the floor. The humie bellowed something startled-sounding and toppled backwards, and the las-blast that had been about to take Fingwit between the eyes sizzled harmlessly over his head to scorch the wall behind him. Fingwit didn’t bother with his own weapons, but simply grabbed at the humie’s hand holding the gun and twisted it away from pointing at his head before the humie could pull the trigger again, then sank his teeth into the humie’s wrist.

Blood spurted into his mouth, hot and metallic, and the humie screeched with pain. Its other hand caught Fingwit a tremendous clout on the back of his head, but he’d had far worse from Klaws simply for dropping a sprocket or over-torquing a drive chain, and he was able to keep his wits about him enough to twist the weapon free from his enemy’s suddenly weakened grasp. The humie bucked, trying to throw him off, but Fingwit slammed the pistol into its face, stunning it briefly, then aimed with both hands and fired.

The weapon lacked any sort of satisfying recoil – and what was the point of a gun if it didn’t have recoil? How were you supposed to know if you’d fired the zogging thing if it didn’t make much noise and didn’t kick in your hand? – but it blew a hole right through the humie’s head efficiently enough, leaving the smell of burned bone and flash-charred meat in its wake. Fingwit spat out what he could of the humie’s blood. They really did not taste that good, at least without being cooked properly. Give him a nice bit of fungus any day…

The lack of other screams reaching his twitching ears clued him in to the fact that the rest of the fight must have stopped. He swivelled round, wondering if he was going to see a bevy of humie barrels levelled at him, about to exact on him the same fate he’d just inflicted on their mate. Instead, the rest of Da Fingers were still on their feet and more or less in one piece, and the humies very definitely were not.

More notably, nor was Klaws.

RUNNIN’ IS A PLAN

‘Boss?’ Fingwit said cautiously, getting back to his feet and dropping the humie pistol. It had done the job here okay, but you couldn’t trust humie stuff in general: it usually didn’t hit that hard, or make the right sort of noises, and sometimes even stopped working if you used it to clobber someone. He was lucky it had still worked after he’d clocked the humie in the face with it, and he was probably better off with his blasta.

‘Zoggin’ git… got me in da ’ead…’ Klaws slurred. Sure enough, a length of thin metal was protruding from his forehead, snapped off a few inches above his skin. Looking around, Fingwit saw one of the dead humies was holding the remains of the corresponding sword, with the blade broken halfway down its length. He was momentarily impressed, because it must have taken a fair amount of strength and speed, and an extraordinarily sharp edge, to get something that far through the skull of an ork like Klaws. Fingwit himself must have been lucky to have taken on one of the weedier ones.

Or, his brain suggested, maybe Klaws woz just a bit slow because’ve da stabbas already in him, and you were a hero, takin’ out a tuff humie warrior all on yer own!

‘Boss, ya gotta get up!’ Duzzik said urgently, shaking Klaws’ arm with about as much effect as if he’d tried licking a squiggoth to death. ‘I fink I can hear some more humies comin’! We gotta move!’

‘Yeah, yeah, gimme a minute,’ Klaws muttered, without making any movement. ‘Jus’ gotta work out how me legs work, first. Bloody fings ain’t payin’ attention ta me…’

Fingwit wasn’t any more of a painboy than Klaws was, but he was fairly sure he knew a dead ork when he saw one. Klaws might still be talking, but he wasn’t really moving, and an ork that couldn’t move couldn’t fight, and an ork that couldn’t fight was dead. Back in the camps, he’d have been knocked on the head by any ork who wanted to nick his stuff: which, given Klaws was a mek and had a whole bunch of interesting and potentially explosive gadgets and gizmos, made for a great many candidates. Here, the role would be taken on by whichever humies found him first, because Fingwit sure as squigs was not going to be sticking around to defend him…

He blinked, as the thought that had just skittered across his brain re-emerged out of the shadows and squatted in the metaphorical light of his consideration. He could run.

Run away.

Run away from Klaws, who would no longer be able to chase him.

Joy and terror at the prospect collided in his head, and began a vigorous fist-fight for dominance. What could he do? Where would he go? On the one hand, he could go anywhere! Without Klaws telling him what to do, Fingwit would finally be free to be his own boss. No more welding and tinkering with the massive shape of the mek looming over him, permanently ready to deal out beatings for perceived mistakes. No more scrabbling for scraps from Klaws’ lunch; no more mucking out the oil squigs; no more taking his turn as tester for the mek’s latest ‘vizshunry’ weapon (usually something that might misfire and rob you of your sight, as well as miscellaneous other body parts or functions).

But on the other hand, what better options were out there? With Klaws as his boss, at least Fingwit only had to worry about catching a beating from one ork. Most of the others would see Klaws’ glyph on his rags and know that he was a mekboy’s grot, and that giving him a kicking and robbing him without at least some sort of good reason might see their favourite shoota blow up unexpectedly, if Klaws decided that Fingwit had been doing something important for him at the time. With no master to serve, Fingwit would be at any ork’s mercy, and without being useful to an oddboy he could easily find himself under a runtherd’s lash and whipped into one of the panicked masses of his fellows, driven onto the battlefield as a nameless, faceless casualty. And that was quite apart from what would happen if he ran away and Klaws did manage to recover and chase him down somehow, because that would be…

‘Fingwit!’

Fingwit jumped as Klaws barked his name, and terror rapidly and convincingly won out over joy. He tried to look innocent, then tried not to look innocent, because an innocent grot was going to be instantly suspicious.

‘Yes, boss?’ he managed to squeak.

‘C’mere,’ Klaws rumbled, still lying motionless on his side. Fingwit edged nervously towards him, expecting at any moment that one of the mek’s power klaws was going to lash out and swat him away, while Klaws guffawed his amusement at such a simple trick. It had happened before.

It did not, however, happen this time. Fingwit found himself standing next to and looking down at Klaws’ massive cranium, dark ichor leaking out of the mek’s head wound to trickle down his scarred brow and drip onto a growing puddle on the floor which was already starting to stain the white hair squigs that formed his ferocious beard.

‘Yoo don’t know ’ow ta take over da humie’s gunz, do ya?’ Klaws growled.

‘No, boss,’ Fingwit said, since that was clearly what he was expected to say. In fact, he had a pretty good idea. Few grots were born with the kind of wired-in knowledge that made mekboyz and painboyz so very good at their particular areas of expertise, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t learn. Orks wouldn’t bother with learning: if an ork had no particular knack for anything else, he’d happily pick up a weapon of some sort and head for the nearest fight, and maybe aim to become a nob or even a warboss at some point down the line, if he got big and nasty enough. After all, every ork had a knack for violence.

For grots, however, any fate other than a short and high-pitched death in a fight they wanted no part of involved making themselves useful to an ork, so they would always try to pick up any bit of knowledge they could, just in case they could use it to barter with an ork for why they didn’t deserve a kicking at that particular moment in time. Fingwit wouldn’t say that he’d been taught by Klaws as such, since that would imply some kind of deliberate passing on of information, but he’d remembered what he’d seen the mek do, and he’d committed an awful lot to memory in the hopes of being able to avoid repeating the mistake that had led to his most recent beating.

Orks didn’t like grots that thought they were smart, though. Mind you, they also didn’t like grots that weren’t smart. Basically, orks didn’t like grots, so you had to toe the line between knowing enough to not make mistakes, while also not letting on that anything you’d done correctly had been anything other than a happy accident, or something that could be completely credited to the ork currently staring balefully at you. So Fingwit shook his head and denied the knowledge he thought he probably had, just in case.

‘Didn’t fink so,’ Klaws grunted, with what would have sounded like satisfaction had it not come from a motionless mountain of muscle with his brain split in two. ‘Don’t matter. We gotta get dis done for Da Meklord, an’ me legs aren’t workin’ again yet, so yer gonna need ta make a start on it ’til I catch up. Ya got dat list I had ya write out?’

‘Da list?’ Fingwit asked, reaching into one of his belt pouches to check the piece of cloth was still there. ‘Yes, boss.’

‘An’ yer sure ya wrote it down proppa?’

‘Yes, boss!’ Fingwit said, with greater certainty. ‘Checked it twice, an’ everyfing!’

‘Good,’ Klaws grunted. ‘Dat should tell ya wot ya needs ta do. Now, I wants ya ta remember dis, Fingwit, cos it’s very important.’

‘Wot’s dat, boss?’ Fingwit asked tremulously.

‘If dis don’t get done, den Da Meklord’s gonna be real angry,’ Klaws growled, and his eyes narrowed into a ferocious glare. ‘An’ if ’e comes lookin’ for me over it, den I’m gonna make sure I rips yer little zoggin’ arms off before ’e gets ta me, ya got dat?’

‘Yes, boss,’ Fingwit said, swallowing. ‘Fanks, boss. Real motivatin’.’

‘Good, dat’s wot I fort, too.’ Klaws waited for a moment, then snarled. ‘Well, wot’re you waitin’ for! Get movin’!’ His eyes then rolled back in his head, which sank down to the floor with a small thud: probably an indication that he was gathering his strength, Fingwit decided sagely.

‘Yes, boss!’ Fingwit said, on the off-chance that Klaws could still hear him. He looked around, searching for inspiration, and his gaze landed on the doors to the lifta which had brought them here. A nice, easy ride back down to where they’d intended to go in the first place: that sounded like the best way to start. They’d get to the right level of the ship, find the guns in question, and work through the instructions on Klaws’ list to make them do what Da Meklord wanted. Thoughts of running off to do his own thing were shunted away for the moment, subsumed into visions of glorious destruction wreaked by his efforts, and daydreams of rewards heaped onto him for being the grot that broke the humie fleet’s resistance with his quick thinking, brilliant judgement and technological mastery…

‘Right,’ Fingwit said, feeling the weight and authority of leadership settle onto his shoulders. ‘Back into da lifta, ladz. We’re gonna–’

Two humies in armour, carrying what were fairly large guns by their standards, rounded the corner of the corridor, and were quickly joined by two more, and then another two…

‘Told ya I could hear ’em coming!’ Duzzik wailed, sprinting in the opposite direction. The humies’ gun barrels started to rise towards Da Fingers as they clustered around Klaws. There was no time to get into the lifta: the doors had already shut again. There was only one thing for it.

‘Run for it!’ Fingwit yelled, and fled as the humie weapons began to open up, the other grots on his heels.

‘Aaaargh!’ Grubba yelled, as they skidded around the next corner and put the blessed relief of a wall between them and pursuit, at least for a moment. ‘Wot’s da plan, Fingwit?’

‘Keep runnin’!’ Fingwit snapped back, as the humies’ gunfire began to splinter the corner of the wall into shards of metal. ‘Dey’re comin’ after us!’

‘Dat’s yer plan?!’

‘Runnin’ is a plan!’

It wasn’t going to be enough of a plan for very long, though, Fingwit knew that much. They might just about be able to keep ahead of their pursuers, shorter legs though they had, partially because they weren’t weighed down by inconveniences such as armour – although that was a double-edged choppa, when you were being shot at – and partially because there were very few things Fingwit had met in the galaxy that could run quite as fast as a grot desperately trying not to get its head blown off. The problem was that as soon as Da Fingers encountered any stretch of long, straight corridor, they would have no handy walls to put between them and impending death, and not even the most terrified grot could outrun a gunshot.

‘Froo dere!’ he said desperately, pointing at a doorway above which was a humie glyph. He couldn’t be sure, of course, but with a bit of luck those jagged lines meant there were some stairs behind it…

Flish might not have known why Fingwit had chosen that door, but he was clearly of the opinion that being on the other side of a door was better than being out here, no matter how temporary a reprieve it might grant. The other grot whacked what looked like the release with his palm, and was rewarded by the door sliding aside to reveal exactly what Fingwit had hoped it would: a stairwell, with treads both rising and descending, presumably for the humies not important enough to use the liftas.

‘In!’ Fingwit yelped, and the rest of Da Fingers scrambled to obey. He hit the door control on the other side as soon as he was through, then desperately scanned the panel for some way to lock it against pursuit, but to no avail. Even if he had found something, the odds of the humies not knowing how to unlock it again were minimal, given this was their ship.

‘Zog it,’ he muttered. He drew his blasta, and put a point-blank shot into the controls, destroying them with a shower of sparks and a satisfying sizzling noise. ‘Dat should hold ’em!’ he declared confidently.

‘Why should blowin’ up da controls on dis side stop ’em from comin’ through on dat side?’ Duzzik asked, scratching his head.

‘Dunno,’ Fingwit admitted, ‘but it feels right, dunnit? Now get down dem stairs! We,’ he said, exposing his needle-sharp teeth with a wide grin, mainly to hide how utterly terrified he was, ‘’ave got some guns ta nick.’

ENVIRONMENTUL CONSIDERASHUNS

The problem with humie stairwells, Fingwit quickly realised, was that they were used by humies.

The rest of the boarding party were clearly still having plenty of fun, judging by the hooting klaxons, flashing red warning lights and general kerfuffle going on, but that also meant that humies were trying to get from one part of the ship to the other, and in a great hurry. Any illusions Fingwit had about being able to take the stairs right down to the correct level were shattered after the second flight, when a harried-looking humie came through the door that led off to the rest of the ship, took one look at Da Fingers descending towards it, and screamed.

Fingwit and his ladz already had their blastas in their hands, and the humie went down with one hole in its head, two in its chest, one in its leg and two more shots spanging off the door and wall behind it. Fingwit kept his weapon trained on it, but it showed no sign of getting back up and causing further problems, which was typical weedy humie behaviour. An ork would have regarded such injuries as an inconvenience, at worst.

Thinking of inconveniences…

Shouting erupted below them. It was several levels further down the stairwell, but the increase in volume and clattering of footsteps suggested that the owners of the shouting voices were already working hard on changing that state of affairs. Audible gunshots were apparently an immediate cause for concern on a humie ship, unlike on an ork vessel, where they simply meant that someone somewhere was having a good time.

‘’Ow many are dere?’ Duzzik squeaked. Fingwit poked his head through the guard rail to take a quick look down the central void, then jerked it back again in alarm when a ruby-red las-bolt flashed past his left ear.

‘Lotz!’ he informed the others in alarm. ‘Lotz an’ lotz. We ain’t gettin’ any further down ’ere!’

‘I’m gettin’ a real bad feelin’ about dis,’ Swikk whimpered. Fingwit slapped him around the back of the head, to buck his ideas up.

‘None of dat! We ain’t come dis far just ta give in ta panic! Get froo dat door!’

‘But dere might be more humies on da uvver side!’ Swikk protested.

‘Well, dere’s definitely humies comin’ up, an’ dey’ve definitely got gunz!’ Fingwit pointed out sharply. ‘Duzzik! Open da door!’

‘Don’t wanna…’ Duzzik muttered, trying to hide behind Grubba. Fingwit looked briefly upwards, and wondered what he’d done wrong in his life that had seen Gork and Mork curse him with such a bunch of cowardly grots. Orks didn’t have this sort of trouble! If an ork told a grot to do something, the grot did it, or he suffered the consequences. What was fair about being in charge, but without the ability to dish out consequences as you saw fit? This was a sucker’s game, and no mistake.

‘Fine, outta da way,’ Fingwit ordered, striding up to the door, and over the corpse of the humie they’d all just shot. ‘I’ll do da zoggin’ fing meself, if da rest of ya are too scared!’

He hit the door release, then hastily stood back against the wall to one side, leaving the rest of Da Fingers blinking in alarm at the lights from the space beyond. When none of them were cut down by a hail of gunfire, Fingwit stuck his head around the door frame.

Another empty corridor, which was better luck than he might have expected. He supposed that humies weren’t packed into their spaceships shoulder to shoulder, and they were probably mainly concentrating on dealing with what was undoubtedly by now a full-scale boarding action spread across multiple decks, but he counted his blessings nonetheless. You didn’t get deserted space on an ork ship: da boyz tended to pack in tight, since you couldn’t be choosy about which ride you got if you wanted to move from world to world. Besides, even if there was any space that didn’t have orks in it, it would have grots in it, precisely because there were no orks there.

Well, this was certainly a better bet than a stairwell filled with angry humies.

‘You were hidin’!’ Grubba said accusingly, pointing at him.

‘Dat’s cos I’m brave an’ sensible,’ Fingwit said loftily. ‘Now come on!’ He darted through the door, his blasta held in both hands, trying to point it in all directions at once just in case there were some sneaky humies hiding somewhere. No such gits showed themselves, however, and the rest of Da Fingers followed him through without triggering any form of ambush. Fingwit slapped the door button to close it again, then put a shot into this control panel as well, just to make sure.

‘Which way now, den?’ Rattak demanded. Fingwit decided that he didn’t like the other grot’s tone, and rounded on him.

‘Which way now, boss,’ he corrected.

Rattak wrinkled his brow dubiously. ‘Dunno about dat. Dunno about you being boss. Who d’ya fink yoo are, da Red Gobbo or summat? Yoo ain’t Klaws, dat’s for sure.’

‘Nah, but Klaws put me in charge,’ Fingwit said, jabbing himself in the chest with his own thumb. ‘Besides, none of da rest of ya seem to ’ave any ideas about what ta do!’

‘Fingwit can be da boss for now,’ Flish said. ‘Den if we don’t like wot ’e says, we can scrag him, an’ someone else can be da boss.’

Fingwit wasn’t sure whether to beam at being confirmed as boss, or glower at the suggestion that he might possibly get scragged in the future, so he settled on a haughty sniff, and staring at the rest of Da Fingers to dare anyone to contradict his authority. None of them did.

‘First fings first,’ he said, as sounds of commotion began to be heard from the other side of the hastily and perhaps none-too-securely sealed door, which was all that stood between them and a stairwell of angry humies. ‘We needs ta do somefing about dat lot. We ain’t gonna be able ta take over da humies’ gunz if dere followin’ us all da time, an’ tryin’ ta interfere. But from wot I saw, dere’s too many of ’em ta scrag all at once, even if we stand ’ere and blast ’em when dey show up. We’re gonna need ta find some way of makin’ it fairer. Or preferably,’ he added, ‘unfair, but on our side.’

‘Wotcha talkin’ about, Fingwit?’ Swikk demanded.

Fingwit grinned toothily at him.

‘I’m talkin’ about an ambush.’

Their hasty search did not throw up any immediate options of good locations to use, until they encountered another door which had what Fingwit thought were all manner of interesting humie glyphs on it. Even more intriguingly, it was locked, which presumably meant there was something good inside. In Fingwit’s world, good usually meant potentially explosive, so by that logic it was a door he simply had to get through.

‘Want me ta try an’ wire it?’ Rattak asked, pulling out his shank in preparation for levering off the panel that sat over the controls.

‘Nah, we ain’t got time,’ Fingwit said. He raised his blasta, and shot the controls. The door slid obediently open.

‘’Ow come dis one opened when ya did dat, but da uvvers locked?’ Grubba asked, perplexed.

‘Mork knows wot we want,’ Fingwit beamed. ‘Also, dis time I shot da open bit, so stop complainin’! Now, don’t look a gift squig in da mouf, an’ get in dere!’

He led the way into the dark interior, holding his breath in excited trepidation as light began to flicker on in response to his detected movement. He was rewarded with the sight of racks and racks of… stuff.

‘Why would anyone look a squig in da mouf?’ Grubba was whispering behind him. ‘Dat’s where dey keep dere teef – if ya look in dere den yer gonna be missin’ yer face…’

‘Oh, dis’ll do nicely,’ Fingwit said happily. This wasn’t just stuff, this was stuff, and all sorts of stuff at that. They’d obviously found some sort of humie store, where they kept all the different things they needed for whenever they needed to do… humie things, whatever those were. It didn’t matter: Fingwit had spent enough time around meks to have developed a good instinct for how best to improvise what he needed from whatever was lying around, and there was a lot lying around here.

‘Shut dat door!’ he ordered, an instruction Flish obeyed using the intact control panel on the door’s interior. ‘Now, lissen up, cos I’ve got a kunnin’ plan…’

The humies tracked them down, of course; they were hardly going to miss the damaged controls on the outside. Besides, Fingwit wanted them to find him and his ladz, since there was little point in setting an ambush if the enemy didn’t walk into it. He needed to get rid of these gits, and then he and the rest of Da Fingers could go and do what they were on this ship to do in the first place.

The doors were levered open through the use of metal bars and much puffing and grunting. Then half a dozen humies slipped in, weapons held up to their shoulders and ready to fire, moving all smooth and steady-like so their guns didn’t wobble even while they were stepping around carefully. Aiming while walking? Fingwit had seen a lot of ridiculous things in his time fighting humies, but this took the fungus cake. It was like they were determined to take the fun out of everything.

Well, he wasn’t going to let them get away with that.

He kicked Duzzik out from behind the piece of machinery where they’d both been hiding. Duzzik yelped with alarm, six red dots tracked towards him as every humie’s attention was drawn towards the noise, and he dived back into cover next to Fingwit just before the floor where he’d been standing was chewed up by gunfire.

‘Ya said yoo’d tell me when it was time ta do wotever it woz we were gonna do!’ Duzzik wailed accusingly, clinging to Fingwit in terror.

‘I did!’ Fingwit protested. ‘I just used me foot! Now shurrup!’

The blaze of gunfire ceased, and was replaced with running footsteps as the humies realised they were wasting ammunition on a piece of empty floor at the far end of the aisle between two towering storage racks, and pounded forward to try to draw a bead on their quarry once more. That meant they weren’t paying attention to the storage racks themselves, which were at least three times the humies’ height, and laden with heavy objects. Obviously, humies tended to be annoyingly neat and tidy, and so there was very little chance of anything heavy falling out of its allocated place and onto, for example, a group of them running beneath in search of the grot they had just seen appear and disappear in quick succession.

Unless, of course, Swikk and Flish had clambered up on one side, and Grubba and Rattak on the other, and had levered things loose to drop on the gits below them at the opportune moment. Which, as it happened, was right now.

‘WAAAGH!’ they chorused joyously, as smaller objects began to clatter down. Fingwit risked sticking his head out of cover, and was rewarded with the sight of the humies’ charge faltering as they realised they were under attack from above, and desperately trying to bring their guns to bear, only to realise too late that there was no way their firepower could contend with two 130-pound pallets of tinned ration packs plummeting towards them from twenty feet up.

There were a couple of brief screams, followed by immensely satisfying crunching noises. Fingwit was not going to leave anything to chance, though, and sprang out. The top half of the humie at the front was protruding out from under the wreckage, and still able to move: in fact, it was reaching desperately for the shoota that had skittered out of its hand when it had been crushed. Fingwit stamped on the fingers until he heard them break, then slit its throat. He’d have done the same to the rest as well, but there weren’t any throats he could reach.

‘Nice goin’, ladz!’ he called up to his whooping grots. ‘Dat showed ’em! Dat’ll teach ’em to fink we’re stoopid! Or hopefully not,’ he added, after a moment’s thought. ‘It’s better when dey fink we’re stoopid, it makes ’em easier ta kill.’

‘We goin’ back out dere now, boss?’ Flish asked, not sounding hugely enthused by the prospect.

Fingwit could understand that. They had a mission, and the prospect of taking over the ship’s guns and using them to kill other humies was exciting and hilarious, but the prospect of trying to fight, sneak, or otherwise find the way to their destination without dying was not an appealing one. It felt much safer to just turn the lights off and hang around in here while everyone else did the dying part. The only trouble was that if the wrong ones did the dying, then Da Fingers would get found by the humies once they didn’t have any orks to worry about and were looking through the ship for any leftovers, and that wouldn’t end well. And then, if the orks killed all the humies, but Da Fingers hadn’t done what they were supposed to with the guns, then sooner or later they’d probably end up taking a kicking from someone, possibly even Da Meklord himself, and that wouldn’t end well either.

Neither option was good, so Fingwit did what any good, responsible leader would do in the circumstances, and delayed making a decision.

‘Nah, we’ll stay in ’ere just for a bit,’ he said confidently. ‘See if dere’s any more gits out dere lookin’ for us, an’ lure ’em in ta see wot’s ’appened to dere mates. I don’t fink dis was all da ones I saw on da stairs, so get set up for da next lot!’

‘But I don’t fink da next ones’ll fall for dat trick again, boss,’ Grubba said dubiously. ‘Dey’ll see dere mates, an’ we ain’t gonna be able ta shift all dat stuff an’ da bodies out da way.’

‘No need,’ Fingwit said, rummaging around on the shelves next to him. ‘Dere’s plenty more stuff we can use…’

The next humies came in a couple of minutes later, and even more cautiously. There were five of them, armed and armoured like the first lot, and clearly suspicious about what might have happened to their companions, given the damaged door controls, and the door itself having been prised open and left that way. That didn’t matter: Fingwit’s plan didn’t rely on them not being suspicious, just on them coming in at all.

Well, that and not immediately noticing that the chain which normally hung down next to the door, and provided some sort of control for slats in front of a big ventilation fan high on the wall, now looped up towards the top of one of the storage racks.

‘Bomms away!’ Fingwit cackled gleefully, tipping the large canister, as big as he was, off the top shelf. It fell down, pulled the chain taut, and began to swing towards the door, and the humies standing in front of it. They noticed it coming, of course: his shout had ensured that. One of them raised its weapon and fired instinctively.

The fuel canister exploded just before it crashed into them, knocking the shooter backwards in a deadly, flaming mass, and spewing sticky flames onto the two humies next to it. They began to scream and flail, flapping uselessly at themselves with hands that were also on fire. The other two, clearly alarmed beyond discipline by fiery projectiles swinging down out of the ceiling, darted to one side, where they encountered a floor full of small, round metal balls. Fingwit had no idea why humies needed such perfect spheres of metal, but trying to reason out why a humie did anything was generally beyond him. However, whatever they were actually for, they also served wonderfully well as a way of taking a pair of panicking humies off their feet.

And once they were on their backs, humies weren’t any taller than grots.

The rest of Da Fingers fell on them, shanks in hand, and put an end to them with a series of wet puncturing noises. Fingwit sighted down his blasta, and managed to get the two burning humies in the head, although he had to have a few goes at it. Thankfully, they were too busy being on fire to notice.

He slid down the support strut and landed on the floor, strode over to a still-burning humie, and used the flames to light the cigar he’d pinched off a loota a couple of days prior, when the ork had been engaged in an arm-wrestling match. He puffed contentedly a couple of times, then turned to the others, who were watching him with what might just have been some sort of admiration.

Fingwit grinned at them, blowing smoke from his nostrils. ‘Ladz, d’ya fink dis is wot bein’ a warboss feels like?’

ANUVVER FINE MESS

They lost Flish in the second firefight they ran across. And by ‘ran across’, Fingwit meant they had literally run across it, as orks and humies blazed away at each other from behind makeshift barricades, and by ‘lost’ he meant the git’s head came clean off when a shoota shell hit him in the ear.

Getting back down to the level of the humie ship on which Fingwit and his ladz needed to be in order to have a go at seizing control of the guns was one thing: as the main load of boyz pushed farther in, the ability of the humies to worry about the possibility of a small group of grots creeping around was proportionally diminished. Even if someone somewhere had an idea that Da Fingers were there, the defenders had – quite literally – bigger problems to deal with. Fingwit had even seen the hulking shape of a Deff Dread squeezing down one of the corridors, bellowing in frustration through its speakers as one of its exhaust stacks got caught on the ceiling, and blazing away with its weaponry at anything visible (which, in fairness, was no different to a Deff Dread’s normal behaviour). Fingwit wasn’t entirely sure why an ork who was already wired permanently into a small metal canister should be particularly angry about now being inside another, slightly larger metal space, but it was generally not worth trying to understand the mentality of a Deff Dread in any case.

No, being the focus of the humies’ attention in general was not the problem. The problem was that it was increasingly hard to find a part of the ship that was not being contested in bloody battle between two sides who might have a preference for killing the enemy actively trying to kill them, but were totally unconcerned if they happened to hit a grot in the process. The humies viewed Da Fingers as lesser targets, but still worthwhile ones; the orks would happily shoot a grot to get it out of the way of their next shot. Or if they thought it would be funny.

‘We gotta get across dere,’ Fingwit said, as they reached a junction. On the other side was another corridor cutting crossways across the ship: the direction they needed to be going in. It was at right angles to the main ork advance, as was the one in which they were currently skulking, and so would offer some protection from the blazing gunfire which, somewhat inconveniently, was hammering back and forth in front of them.

‘Don’t wanna go out dere,’ Rattak said flatly, shaking his head.

‘Yeah, but we gotta,’ Fingwit said. ‘Uvverwise, we ain’t gonna be able ta do wot we’re meant ta do, and den we’re gonna get a kickin’ anyways.’ He took a firm grip on his blasta, and drew a deep breath. ‘Follow me!’

He ran out into the firefight, emitting a wordless scream that was simultaneously a roar of defiance at the shots that might try to claim his life, a shriek of fear at the possibility of his death, and a prayer to Gork and Mork that they might see fit to let him live a bit longer so he could set into motion some truly tasty destruction of his own. He panic-fired as he went, squeezing shots off to his right in the general direction of the humies, and one of the enemy even keeled over behind the packing crate which had been hastily hauled out into the middle of the corridor to be used as cover. Fingwit had no idea if it was one of his shots that had done that, but he was prepared to take the credit for it in his own head.

Something narrowly missed that very same head a moment later, and he ducked instinctively, and far too late for it to have made any difference. A shot ricocheted off the floor in front of him, something exploded to his left, and then he was across and through, into the comparative safety of the opposite passageway. The others piled in after him, all none the worse for wear other than wide-eyed and panting.

‘See?’ Fingwit said, with a lot more confidence than he felt. ‘Nuffin’ to it! Dey’re too busy ta bovver wiv us! On ta da next one, ladz!’

It was at the next one that Flish got his head blown off, which in Fingwit’s opinion probably served him right for not taking better care of it. They bunched up and charged across, with Fingwit in the lead: he thought it looked brave if he went first, although actually he reckoned that he might manage to make it across before anyone could think about deliberately changing their line of fire to target a bunch of grots, whereas those behind him might not be so lucky.

As it turned out, he might well have been correct. He was most of the way to the opening opposite when he heard a couple of yells of alarm from behind him, and a detonation which sounded quite wet and close by, even amid the cacophony of noise that engulfed them all. When he reached the other side and looked back, as the others piled in past him, he was one grot short, and a small green body still lay in the middle of the floor.

‘Such a waste,’ Swikk sniffled, wiping at his nose.

‘Yeah?’ Grubba said. ‘Why?’

‘Well, I can’t go back out an’ grab his loot, can I?’ Swikk said, rounding tearfully on his fellow grot. ‘I’d lose me ’ead too! It’s just gonna lie dere, unappresheeated an’ abandoned… I really wanted some o’ dat stuff, an’ da git didn’t even ’ave the decency ta die where I could nick it from him!’

‘Dat don’t matter right now!’ Rattak said loudly.

‘Yeah, right,’ Fingwit agreed. ‘We need ta press on, an’–’

‘Nah!’ Rattak growled, waving one long-taloned finger under Fingwit’s nose. ‘We need ta talk about da fact dat yoo jus’ got one of us killed!’

Fingwit stared first at the finger and then at its owner, somewhat uncomprehendingly.

‘Yoo wot? If da daft git didn’t wanna get killed den he should’ve ducked better, dat weren’t nuffin’ ta do wiv me!’

‘Dis woz yoor plan!’ Rattak accused him, jabbing his finger into Fingwit’s chest.

‘Dis was Klaws’ plan!’

‘Yeh, an’ Klaws is dead!’ Rattak pointed out. ‘We didn’t ’ave ta stick to da plan! We could’ve–’

‘Could’ve wot?’ Fingwit demanded, prodding him in return. ‘Gone back an’ hid in an ’Ullbreaker? We can’t fly da zoggin’ fings back to Da Choppa, and as soon as da boyz got back to ’em, we’d ’ave our ’eads kicked in for not doin’ wot we woz s’posed to do! Either dat, or da humies would’ve won and den dey would come an’ kick our ’eads in, or worse! Da only way ta not get our ’eads kicked in is ta follow da plan!’

Rattak folded his arms and glared at Fingwit. ‘I don’t wanna end up like Flish.’

‘Fingwit’s gotta point, tho,’ Duzzik squeaked timidly. ‘We are gonna get our ’eads kicked in if we don’t do dis.’

Fingwit raised his eyebrows at Rattak. ‘Well? Wot’s yer solushun to da big ’ead-kickin’ conundrum? I’m waitin’.’ Fingwit would give Rattak a kicking himself if it came to it, since he wasn’t prepared to give up his hard-earned authority, but it would be a lot more convenient – not to mention somewhat less painful – if Rattak just backed down of his own accord.

Rattak scowled back at him. ‘Alright. We’ll stick ta da plan, for now.’

‘Good,’ Fingwit said, grinning. ‘Den we–’

‘But,’ Rattak interrupted him, ‘we do fings my way from now on.’

‘Yoor way?’ Fingwit repeated incredulously. ‘Wot way’s dat? Da way of…’ He stumbled. ‘Uh, of not ’avin’ a zoggin’ clue, an’ lookin’ like a pile o’ squid turds? Cos dose are da only fings yoor good at!’

‘I wanna lissen ta Rattak’s way,’ Duzzik offered hesitantly.

‘Yeah,’ Swikk said, wiping away the last tear spawned by the senseless waste of Flish’s lost plunderings. ‘I’ve worked too ’ard to lose all me goodies.’

‘Does Rattak’s way mean not running froo anyfing like dat again?’ Grubba demanded, jerking a thumb over his shoulder.

‘As a matter o’ fact, it does.’ Rattak beamed, a smile that made Fingwit want to punch him all the more. However, there surely wasn’t any point in starting a fight until he heard the plan. After all, the others might laugh at it, and reaffirm Fingwit’s place as leader without him having to do anything.

‘See dat?’ Rattak asked, pointing upwards at a grille in the ceiling. ‘Dat’s a vent. Da humies make separate little tunnels for da air ta go down.’

‘Why?’ Grubba asked, confused.

‘Zogged if I know!’ Rattak replied. ‘Maybe dey don’t like sharin’ space wiv air! It’s humies, it don’t ’ave ta make sense! Anyway, if we get up dere, den we can crawl along outta sight, keep an eye on where we are by lookin’ down froo da vents when we pass one, and den get out again when we’re in da right spot.’ He folded his arms and stared challengingly at Fingwit. ‘Dat’s a better idea dan runnin’ past a bunch of boyz an’ humies shootin’ at each other, ain’t it?’

Annoyingly, it probably was, but Fingwit wasn’t going to let on. He took refuge in practicalities, instead. ‘Yeah, well, ’ow are ya gonna get up dere?’

As it turned out, Rattak quickly found an answer to that as well, in the form of one of the strange, half-dead, half-metal humies that tended to wander around doing whatever they were doing, without paying much attention to their surroundings. This one had either been hit by a stray round or two, or had been shot at by a couple of boyz who lacked any other targets for a few seconds, and important-looking fluids had leaked out. It had come to a halt, still stiff and upright, but no longer with even the faintest hint of awareness on its slack features. Some sort of gubbinz was clearly keeping it upright, because if you gave it a good shove it simply took a step to balance itself, and then stopped again. What that meant was that by shoving it along, Da Fingers managed to get it standing directly beneath a vent in the ceiling, whereupon its sturdy, rugged frame made a serviceable enough ladder substitute for grots who could make a fair effort at scaling a metal wall by way of nothing more than dints and rivets, if there was a tasty-looking squig at the top or an angry-enough ork at the bottom.

Fingwit was last up, risking being discovered by some humies in the corridor over the uncertain perils of the ductway above. Unfortunately, by the time Duzzik’s feet were disappearing from view, and the rest of them had neither been eaten by some ravenous troglodyte creature nor vaporised by a high-tech security system, Fingwit was very much last in line, and had lost all semblance of authority and initiative.

To Rattak. Rattak, of all grots: the sneaky little food-thief with a chin sharper than his nose, who had once started a fight with a wall because he’d walked into it two days in a row! It was enough to make Fingwit’s blood boil. Here he was, now crawling along in the dusty darkness, his face on a level with Duzzik’s arse, while Rattak scuffled ahead at the front of their line, as carefree as you liked. It was ridiculous, and it was insulting, and it was quite definitely all Rattak’s fault. He had usurped the command that was Fingwit’s by right! And he’d done it sneakily, too: if he’d wanted to take over, Rattak should have fought for it, not just… had a better idea. That was Blood Axe thinking, and Fingwit wasn’t going to stand for it.

Now he just had to think of a way to get his authority back again. So long as it didn’t involve having to fight for it, because Rattak might get in a lucky shot, and that wouldn’t be fair.

Fingwit crawled on, turning things over and over in his mind at the tail end of the little grot procession, while in the corridors above and below and around them, orks and humies fought and bled in ever-decreasing numbers, and died in ever-increasing ones.

NO ORKS, NO MASTERS

‘Fingwit?’

Rattak’s call came back hoarse and harsh down the line of grots: the sound of a voice trying to make itself heard to one specific individual, whilst simultaneously trying not to make itself heard to anyone else, or at least anyone who had a weapon and might take exception to the speaker’s presence. Fingwit, sulking along on his hands and knees, ignored it. He wasn’t going to play along with Rattak’s delusions of authority by dignifying the other grot with a response. Rattak had wanted to lead, so Rattak could zogging well sort out anything himself, without calling on Fingwit. The git probably wanted someone to test a dodgy-looking bit of vent flooring, or something.

‘Fingwit!’

Fingwit’s resolve to maintain a haughty silence dissolved, like a wall of salt deluged by an ocean of irritation.

‘Wot?’

‘Are we dere yet?’

Fingwit felt his own eyes go wide with horrified indignation. ‘’Ow should I know? Yoor da one leadin’!’

‘Yeah, well I weren’t keepin’ track, woz I?’ Rattak’s disembodied voice replied from ahead, echoing metallically back down the duct. ‘I’m leadin’, so I gotta make sure it’s all safe. Can’t expect me ta do dat an’ know where we are! Dat’s da job for da one at da back.’

‘Dat’s ridiculous,’ Fingwit said flatly. ‘Yer just tryin’ ta pin yer own failures on someone else. I ain’t ’avin’ it. If ya wanna be in charge, yoo work out where we are!’

Rattak muttered something that would almost certainly have been distinguishable as swearing were it not for the echoes of the air duct, then cleared his throat and spoke with greater clarity. ‘Duzzik! Stick yer ’ead froo dat vent we just crawled over, an’ tell us wot ya see.’

‘Don’t wanna,’ Duzzik squeaked. ‘It might get shot off!’

‘Can ya hear any shootin’?’ Rattak asked, in the tones of a grot whose patience was being sorely taxed.

‘Well, no…’

‘Den unless everyone’s suddenly got silent gunz, yer ’ead’ll be fine. Do it.’

‘But–’

There was a scuffling, followed by a metallic thunk and a squeal of pain, as Grubba seized Duzzik’s head and achieved by force what Rattak had failed to manage with words. The bars of light spilling up into the ductway abruptly merged into a single thick shaft, albeit partially obscured by the shape of Duzzik’s head and shoulders. A clanging from below indicated that the vent cover itself had landed on the floor of whatever lay beneath them.

Fingwit braced himself: Rattak’s point about not hearing gunfire had been a reasonable one, at least so far as it concerned Duzzik sticking his head down there, but it didn’t mean that there was no one beneath them: just that they weren’t shooting at the moment. Humies who had been lying in wait below might shoot not only Duzzik, but also open fire on the air ducts in an attempt to kill any other grots that might be up here…

‘See anyfing?’ Rattak demanded. Fingwit cautiously opened one eye, as ballistic death failed to tear through the metal beneath him and claim his life.

‘Everybody’s dead, boss,’ Duzzik reported.

‘Everybody?’

‘Everybody.’

‘Da orks?’

‘Dey’re dead.’

‘An’ da humies?’

‘Dey’re dead too.’

‘Grots?’

‘Dere’s a few of ’em. An’ dey’re dead an’ all.’

Rattak grunted. ‘So… yer tellin’ me dat everybody’s dead?’

‘Yes, boss.’

There were a few moments of silence while Da Fingers each considered this inside their own heads: silence that was broken as Duzzik began to kick his legs.

‘Can I come back up now? Only da blood’s rushin’ to me ’ead, an’ I’m feelin’ a bit weird…’

Fingwit saw Grubba look down at Rattak for guidance as to whether he should grant the smaller grot’s request. Rattak sucked his teeth for a moment, then shrugged.

‘Drop him.’

Grubba gave Duzzik’s lower half a shove, and their unwilling scout wailed in alarm as he disappeared from view, then cried out in pain as he landed below them. Rattak placed his right hand behind one large, pointed ear, and held the first finger of his left hand to his lips in a gesture for silence.

Nothing happened, except for Duzzik whimpering a bit more.

‘Reckon it’s safe, den,’ Rattak beamed happily. ‘Let’s get down dere, an’ see wot’s wot!’

Fingwit wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. He drew his blasta, and dropped down through the hole before the rest could move. If Duzzik hadn’t been attacked then the corridor was safe, and Fingwit was damned if he was going to let Rattak keep any more of the initiative than he had to. Let the others see how Fingwit bravely went first (Duzzik most certainly didn’t count) to scout out the lay of the land!

He achieved a relatively soft landing by dint of falling onto a dead humie, who was a bit sticky, but at least didn’t leap up and try to attack Fingwit in some sort of elaborate ambush. He scanned both ways down the corridor with his weapon, but saw nothing other than what Duzzik had recounted: an awful lot of dead bodies, from both sides. Fingwit was no great strategist, able to read the ebb and flow of battles through the patterns of corpses, but it did not look to him as though there had been some terrible new threat that had taken the combatants unawares, like that time when the tinheads had suddenly emerged up through the surface of a planet, and da boyz and da pointy-eared gitz they’d been scrapping with had needed to hastily reprioritise their targets. No, this just looked like both sides had killed a lot of each other, and any survivors had moved off somewhere else in search of living enemies.

Although now he thought about it, Fingwit wasn’t sure where those living enemies would be found. He couldn’t hear any sounds of fighting, not even distantly. And yes, there might be some doors and walls between him and it, but a grot tended to have a good instinct for where fighting was taking place: mainly in order to avoid it if possible. The floor wasn’t being shaken even minutely by the distant krump of explosions as stikkbombs went off, or a heavy weapon blew a luckless target into very small pieces, or something’s fuel went up all in one go.

‘How long were we in dose fings?’ he asked, looking upwards. He had directed the question more to himself than anyone else, but Duzzik seemed to think it was aimed at him.

‘Dunno. Longer dan a while, but not as long as a really long time?’

Fingwit sighed tiredly. ‘I woz talkin’ to meself.’

‘Wot?’ Duzzik wrinkled his brow. ‘Why?’

‘Cos I only talks ta da smartest grot about, don’t I?’ Fingwit replied. Even Duzzik seemed to realise that question was rhetorical, and went back to rubbing his back where he’d landed roughly. Fingwit took the opportunity to massage his knees, which had got very sore from Rattak’s ridiculous plan, then jumped as Swikk landed beside him.

‘Cor!’ Swikk said, looking around with avariciously wide eyes. ‘Look at all dis loot! Dat’ll make up for not getting’ ta nab Flish’s!’ He set to with a delighted giggle, prising loose anything particularly shiny that he could see.

As it happened, Fingwit decided that might not be a bad idea. Not for shiny baubles, such as Swikk was already stuffing into the poorly stitched rags that served him as a shirt, but for weapons and equipment. Orks didn’t like grots having anything too fancy, and would simply club them over the head and take it for themselves, even if they didn’t have a use for it. With no orks around, however…

Fingwit emitted an involuntary, high-pitched squeal of pure glee as he saw something poking out from underneath the corpse of a Snakebite boy, and set to work trying to extract it. He needed both hands, as well as both feet braced on the dead body to get purchase, but after a great deal of exertion and pulling it finally came free.

It was ugly, brutish and crude. But it was now his, which made it the most beautiful thing Fingwit had ever set his eyes on.

‘Look, ladz!’ he exclaimed happily, turning on the spot with his prize cradled in his arms. ‘Now I got a big shoota! Heh-heh-heh.’

Grubba landed, then folded his arms dubiously at Fingwit’s claim. ‘Fingwit, dat ain’t a big shoota. Dat’s just a shoota.’

‘Yeah, well, it’s big for me,’ Fingwit pointed out. ‘Why is it always da orks who get ta say wot’s big an’ wot’s not?’ In all honestly, he wasn’t really concerned with his new toy’s nomenclature. His hand barely fit around the grip, and the weapon must have weighed nearly as much as he did, but the important thing was that his finger could reach the trigger. He might not be able to keep it level when he fired it, but orks never bothered to do that either, and they could at least theoretically manage it. Firing a shoota was practically a prayer to Gork and Mork in any case: usually, ‘Please let dis hit da gitz I’ve sorta pointed it at.’

‘If someone sees ya wiv dat, dere’s gonna be trouble,’ Grubba said ominously.

‘Who’s gonna see?’ Fingwit demanded. ‘Dere’s no one ’ere! An’ any humies we find are gonna try ta shoot us wotever we’re carryin’, so dat don’t matter.’

‘Yeh, but wot if one of da boyz sees it?’ Grubba said. He was stroking the hair squigs on his chin again, somewhat nervously. ‘Den we’ll all get in trouble.’

‘Ya just want one of yer own,’ Fingwit said, laughing.

‘Do not!’ Grubba denied hotly.

‘Do too!’

‘Why would I even want one?’

‘Oh, I dunno,’ Fingwit said, demonstrating his superiority with towering sarcasm. ‘Maybe cos it’s a shoota, an’ it’s way better dan dat measly little blasta yoo’ve got stuck in yer belt? But,’ he added smugly, ‘yer just too scared ta pick one up.’

‘Am not!’

‘Are too.’

‘Da reason I ain’t pickin’ one up is cos I don’t want one,’ Grubba declared stubbornly, although the fact he was apparently finding it hard to tear his eyes away from the weapon in Fingwit’s grasp gave something of the lie to his words. ‘Ya ain’t betta dan me just cos yoo’ve got dat! Don’t go finkin’ yoo are!’

Fingwit sniffed dismissively. ‘Wot about yoo, Rattak? Yoo wanna shoota? Dere’s plenty lyin’ around wot nobody’s doin’ nuffink wiv.’

Rattak, who had landed last, didn’t say anything for a moment. He looked at Fingwit’s shoota, then sideways at Grubba, who still had his arms folded and was furiously projecting an aura of denial, then back at Fingwit. Then, with a great deal of hesitation that was entirely alien to a grot’s usual approach to seeing something they wanted, he edged over to another dead ork and took hold of its weapon. The corpse did not react in any way, and Rattak seemed to gain confidence from that, as though he’d been expecting the prospect of losing its shoota to recall the ork’s spirit and set it to lashing about itself to protect its property.

Appropriately heartened, Rattak tugged the weapon free and hoisted it up, then grinned triumphantly at Fingwit. ‘Dere. Got me own.’

‘It’s smaller dan mine,’ Fingwit commented idly.

‘Is not!’

‘Def’nitely is. An’ da magazine don’t hold as much.’ Fingwit slapped the sickle-shaped magazine of his own weapon, which was as long as his forearm and several times the width, as opposed to the single belt of ammunition that hung from underneath the one Rattak had picked up. ‘Don’t worry, dere’s nuffin’ wrong wiv bein’ second best!’

Rattak dropped his shoota. Fingwit laughed.

‘Wot, are ya gonna find anuvver one now, ta try an’ look better’n me?’

‘Ork,’ Rattak mumbled, his eyes wide, but Fingwit just laughed again.

‘I ain’t fallin’ for dat! Ya just wanna make me drop dis so ya can–’

‘Wot da zoggin’ ’eck is goin’ on ’ere!?’

Fingwit nearly jumped out of his skin as the massive basso bellow erupted from behind him, and then something clobbered him so hard on the backside that he was lifted up and through the air, sailing over the shocked faces of his companions to land hard on the other side of them.

‘It’s not wot it looks like…’ he heard Rattak begin querulously. Fingwit pulled himself back to his feet, his precious new shoota still gripped firmly, and looked back to see what had struck him.

Rattak had only been telling the zogging truth, hadn’t he? There was an ork, and a big one at that. He wasn’t a nob, judging by the lack of obvious rank markings like huge horns on his helmet, or a big metal gob, or any weapons fancier than the slugga he held in one hand and the blood-slicked choppa in the other, but that didn’t really matter. No ork needed to be a nob to tell grots what to do: he just needed to be an ork.

‘Wot it looks like, is dere’s a bunch of zoggin’ grots standin’ around doin’ nuffink useful, instead of gettin’ stuck in!’ the ork thundered. He probably weighed as much as all of Da Fingers put together. ‘Now quit bein’ a bunch of cowards an’ come wiv me. I fink most of da boyz are dead, but so are most of da humies! But so long as dere’s any alive, dat’s too many!’ He glowered at them, clearly expecting them to fall in behind him, but Da Fingers all looked down at the floor, and didn’t move.

‘Is dere a problem?’ the ork demanded, in the tone of someone who knew very well that there was a problem, at least so far as he was concerned.

As one, the rest of Da Fingers turned and looked at Fingwit. Things being what they were, the ork did the same, and his tiny red eyes stared into Fingwit’s, not with the threat of imminent violence, but the promise. It was clear that the only thing Fingwit could do was choose whether the violence happened to him, or he assisted the ork in making it happen to someone else.

On the other hand…

‘Uh, see, da fing is,’ Fingwit began. He tailed off as he realised he was still holding the shoota, but decided not to drop it just in case that simply drew attention to it more. ‘Fing is, we got a mission from Da Meklord.’

‘Yoo got a mission from Da Meklord?’ the ork guffawed. ‘A buncha grots? Slap me wiv a pointy-ear’s boot, dat’s a good’un!’ He stopped laughing abruptly, and growled. ‘Knock it off, or I’ll knock yer ’ead off.’

‘It’s troo!’ Fingwit wailed. ‘We woz wiv Klaws, but ’e got scragged! We gotta take over da gunz, an’–’

‘Nah, wot you gotta do is come wiv me, an’ do wot I tells ya,’ the ork interrupted.

‘But if we don’t do it, den Da Meklord’ll scrag us!’ Fingwit protested. ‘Tell him, ladz! Tell him!’

The rest of Da Fingers were all suddenly looking at something else, something extremely interesting that was in a different place for each of them. The ork snorted, and raised his slugga.

‘Now, I’m gonna count ta free. Dere won’t be any more countin’ after dat, cos I dunno any more numbaz. If yoo little gits ain’t standing next ta me by da time I reach free, I start shootin’. Ya got it? One.’

Duzzik scurried towards him. The rest of them, even Rattak, looked around at Fingwit as though he could somehow improve the situation.

‘Two.’

Clearly, Rattak, Grubba and Swikk were not encouraged by what they’d seen. They put their heads down and trudged towards the ork. Fingwit watched them go, and watched them give up on their mission, the chance of wreaking glorious destruction with the ship’s guns, and the chance of not getting their heads kicked in by Da Meklord when he found out how they’d failed. And all because they were more scared of what this ork – this wounded ork, Fingwit suddenly noticed, with blood dripping from a rent in his right side – might do to them here and now, rather than think about the future.

‘Fr–’

Fingwit turned and ran.

‘OI, COME BACK ’ERE!’

Fingwit wasn’t sure exactly why the ork thought he’d obey that instruction when it was coupled with the thunderous bang of the slugga discharging, and an explosion of gore as the shot missed Fingwit and detonated in the ribcage of a humie corpse, but he didn’t hang around to ask. He jinked and dodged from side to side – only a fool ran away from a projectile weapon in a straight line, even if the weapon in question was being wielded by an ork – and put as much of the improvised cover the defenders had hauled into place between himself and the ork as possible. There was a doorway just ahead of him in the middle of the corridor, miraculously unchoked by bodies. If he could just make it through there and get it to shut behind him, he might be able to–

The next slugga shot hit the control panel.

It couldn’t have been intentional, Fingwit knew that: the odds of an ork even considering shooting at a few blinking lights and switches, instead of at the cheeky little grot pelting away as fast as his short legs could carry him, were astronomically small. The chances of the ork actually managing to hit a target like that, even if he’d decided to try, were smaller still. This was a stray shot, which had only struck that particular point through sheer fluke.

However, fluke or otherwise, struck the control panel the shot had. And, thanks to Mork’s sense of mischief, the door was starting to descend from the ceiling, ready to trap Fingwit in this section of corridor with an ork who would probably consider casual dismemberment to be an appropriate punishment for the kind of insubordination he’d just shown.

That was not an option. If the choices consisted of getting crushed beneath a falling door, running head first into the door and shattering his skull, or being left to the mercies of an ork with a gut wound and a great deal of pent-up aggression, Fingwit would take either of the first two without hesitation. He accelerated, trusting that straight-line speed was his only real ally here, then made a desperate, headlong dive for the shrinking gap between door and floor.

His outstretched hands, still clutching his looted shoota, got through.

His head got through.

His back got through.

He whipped his feet around as he skidded along the floor. The descending door grazed the back of his heel and took some skin off as it slammed down, but that was all.

He was through.

He was away from the ork that probably now wanted to kill him.

And he was…

Alone. On a ship that belonged to humies who definitely wanted to kill him, not because he’d disobeyed their orders and run away from them, but just because of who and what he was. Well, and the fact that he was part of a boarding party that had apparently already killed most of them, but Fingwit thought that was rather beside the point, since the humies would have wanted to kill him for who and what he was anyway.

He cautiously got to his feet, hefting his shoota as though he had the slightest chance of being able to effectively aim and fire it at anyone or anything that appeared and threatened him, and began to walk.

REFLECTIONS

Orks did not, as a rule, go in for the notion of ‘creepy’, or ‘spooky’. The closest Fingwit had got to it was when he’d seen some tinheads get blown apart, and then they’d started to flow back together and re-form in a way that was abhorrently unnatural. He was used to the idea that you could stick someone back together – that was how orkish medicine worked – but generally you needed a painboy for it, and something like stitches or staples to anchor a body part in place until it healed properly. Ufthak Blackhawk, the newest of Da Meklord’s big bosses, had apparently had his entire head transplanted onto another body when his old one had got blown up. Nonetheless, seeing those strange bipedal machines re-forming themselves had made Fingwit feel quite uncomfortable, and not just because there was an increased chance of them getting up and killing him.

He was experiencing something of the same sensation now, albeit for very different reasons. There was nothing alarming about empty corridors in general: that just meant no orks to shout at him or clobber him. Likewise, there was nothing alarming about dead bodies, unless there was some notion that something monstrous had killed them, and was about to make him its next victim. Generally, dead bodies were a useful source of interesting items, and – if he was feeling particularly hungry, and there was no decent fungus or squigs nearby – food. However, the collection of quiet corpses he was walking over and past at the moment, with no sign of any living combatants anywhere nearby, was a bit… well, creepy.

It might have actually been better if he’d been able to hear the sounds of fighting, oddly enough. Normally that was the last thing Fingwit wanted to be near, but at least it might have reassured him that he wasn’t alone.

‘Dunno why I wanna be around anyone else, anyway,’ he muttered, kicking a dead humie as he walked past it. ‘Yoo lot can zog off, ya bastards. An’ yoo,’ he added to the charred remains of an ork who had clearly run head first into the blast from a humie skorcha, or equivalent. ‘Wot’s da big idea, anyway? Knockin’ us around just cos yer bigger? Dunno why us grots needs ya, anyway. We fix stuff for ya, we carry stuff for ya, why don’t ya just…’ Fingwit paused, and looked around to make sure no one could hear him.

‘Why don’t ya just do it yerselves?’

The echoes of his shout died away, and he cringed instinctively, but the punch or kick his hindbrain had half-expected as automatic punishment for such cheek never materialised. He stood frozen in place for a few moments nonetheless, until he was quite sure that no one had heard him, and was intending to exact revenge on the cheeky grot who dared speak up. Then he started giggling.

‘Heh. Heh-heh. Heh-heh-heh-heh!’

He jumped up onto an ork body and danced along the length of it, cackling with glee. This was great! No orks to get angry and clobber him for bein’ cheeky. No other grots to tell the orks what he was up to, and get him into trouble so he got clobbered for bein’ cheeky…

Fingwit stopped his dancing and giggling as a concept occurred to him. His fellow grots… Well, they weren’t bad sorts really. Sure, Rattak was a pain, but you got gits like him everywhere, that was just one of the universal truths of Gork and Mork. Grots got into fights, and might shank each other over a particularly tasty squig, but that was mainly because the orks kept all the best food for themselves. If one grot wanted to cause trouble for another grot, they’d generally try to find some way of making that grot run afoul of an ork.

‘So wot if,’ Fingwit said to himself, slowly and carefully. ‘Wot if, dere were no orks?’

You couldn’t just get rid of orks, obviously: Gork and Mork’s boyz were going to take over the galaxy one day, and were making a fair job of it at the moment, what with the Arch-Arsonist of Charadon, the Great Tyrant of Jagga (all four of them), Da Meklord’s own TekWaaagh!, and of course, the Grand Warlord himself, Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka. All of the other gits – the humies, the pointy-earz, the tinheads, even those blue fishboyz with the fancy guns – were playing catch-up in a race they’d never had a hope of winning. The future was bright, and the future was green.

However, even given that, was it really so impossible to imagine that there might be some spaces without orks in? Spaces where a grot might be able to live a life free of being kicked because some big git was in a bad temper; free of constant expectations to fetch and carry; free of being shoved into the front line of a war to give the enemy some target practice before the orks got stuck in? What would it be like to live in a place where the greatest authority was not an ork, any ork, but… grots?

‘Eh, it’d never work,’ Fingwit muttered to himself, hopping down from his perch and continuing his trudge along the corridor. ‘It’d mean disobeying da orks, an’ grots don’t do dat.’

Yoo just did, his inner-Fingwit pointed out.

‘Well, yeah, but I woz only disobeyin’ him cos he woz gonna stop us from doin’ what Klaws said ta do, which is wot Da Meklord said ta do.’ Fingwit shook his head at the foolishness of orks.

Yeah, but he didn’t know dat, inner-Fingwit said. Yoo told him da troof, but he woz gonna rip yer arms off anyway.

‘Yeah? So orks are gits,’ Fingwit muttered. ‘Wot’s dat got ta do wiv anyfing?’

It means ya didn’t need dat ork ta believe wot ya woz sayin’ in order to disobey him. Yoo disobeyed him anyway. Even if Da Meklord had clobbered him afterwards for messin’ up da plan, an’ let’s face it, Da Meklord’s probably not gonna bovver clobberin’ an ork for killin’ a grot, dat wouldn’t ’ave helped yoo.

‘So wot’s yer point?’ Fingwit grumbled, wondering why inner-Fingwit was being so persistent about this.

Da point is, dat ya might as well’ve been tellin’ dat ork ta stick his slugga where Gork ‘n’ Mork don’t go lookin’. It don’t matter why ya didn’t do wot ’e wanted, wot matters is dat ya didn’t. An’ if ya can do dat ta one ork, even if he’ll scrag ya if he catches ya, cos he don’t care wot anuvver ork’s already told ya ta do…

‘Den wot’s stoppin’ me from disobeyin’ any ork!’ Fingwit finished out loud, then clapped a hand over his mouth guiltily. However, there was still no one around to take notice of what he’d said.

Well, ya needs ta be pretty sure ya can run away, but yeah, dat’s da genrul idea.

Fingwit stood there, stunned by the revelations thrown up from his own mind. It was true, though, when it came down to it – most orks wouldn’t care if you told them that you couldn’t do what they wanted because another ork had already told you to do something different. Either way, you’d end up disobeying one of them, and then would suffer the consequences, so why not just quit messing about and do what you wanted in the first place?

‘But wot do I wanna do?’ Fingwit asked himself miserably. ‘I mean, I fort I wanted ta take over da gunz an’ blow up some humie ships, but…’

Ya can! Ya don’t have to not do somefing fun just cos an ork told ya ta do it! But if dey tells ya ta do somefing ya don’t wanna, den maybe ya don’t ’ave to.

‘Dis is gettin’ more an’ more complicated,’ Fingwit told himself. ‘Are ya sure yer definitely me?’

Course I’m sure. ’Ow many fingers am I ’olding up?

Fingwit looked down at his hand. ‘Two.’

Dere ya go, den.

Fingwit shrugged. That seemed to make sense. ‘But I can’t take over da gunz wivout da rest of da ladz,’ he mused. ‘It needs more dan one grot ta do it. I’m gonna have ta go back an’ get ’em. But dat’s gonna mean facin’ down dat ork again, an’ how am I gonna convince da ladz to follow me? Dey’re just gonna be too scared. It’d need somefing inspirashunal ta snap ’em out of it.’

His wandering feet paused as he came upon a slick of red, humie blood that had spread across the corridor’s floor. There was no obvious way around without stepping in it, and it hadn’t dried yet, so it had a smooth, liquid surface that reflected the lights above. Fingwit leaned over it and looked down, and saw his own face staring back up at him. His own face, but tinted completely red.

‘Wait…’

Yes. Yes, dat’s brilliant! We’re a genius!

‘But Da Red Gobbo’s just a legend!’ Fingwit protested. ‘Da Red Gobbo ain’t real! Dere’s not actually a grot wot fights against orkish oppreshun, an’ frees uvver grots! Dere’s no Glorious Revolushun wot presides over a land of fairness an’ equal opportunity for da gretchin caste!’

First of all, ya don’t know dat, cos ya ain’t been everywhere. Second, if dere ain’t, den how did da legend start? And, second plus one, if dere ain’t…

Fingwit blinked slowly. The red Fingwit in the pool of blood did the same.

‘Den maybe dere should be.’

NUFFIN’ TA LOSE
(BUT YER ’EADS. AN’ YER LIMBS.)

Fingwit needed red. Lots of red.

He was wearing red anyway, of course. Even though no ork would ever admit or accept that Fingwit was an Evil Sun, he still made sure to wear his clan colours. However, his clothes were old, and patched, and faded. He needed something far better if he was going to become a hero for all grotkind, and there were a lot of dead Evil Sunz around, wearing clothes they no longer had any use for. Fingwit still had his knife, and the needles and threads he carried for when Klaws wanted a gash stitched up and couldn’t be bothered to wait for a painboy, or didn’t trust whichever one was hanging around (which was quite sensible, in Fingwit’s opinion, since painboyz had a habit of doing what they wanted rather than what you’d asked). Grots made most of the clothes for orks anyway, so it wasn’t like Fingwit didn’t know what he was doing. He’d just never made anything this fancy for himself before…

Well, he wasn’t really making it for himself. He was making it for Da Red Gobbo, and Da Red Gobbo deserved something fancy.

It was easy to make a big coat for yourself when an ork’s shirt was practically as long as you were tall. A quick bit of cloth butchery added a pair of sleeves, and Fingwit gave himself a hat as well, for the sake of it, to the front of which he pinned a metal star nicked from a humie uniform, to make himself look more important. A pair of boots nabbed from a grot who longer needed them completed the look, and some hastily adjusted goggles from a deceased burna boy gave Fingwit some pleasing anonymity.

‘Right, den,’ he said to himself, hefting his shoota onto his shoulder. ‘Let’s do dis.’

He retraced his steps as far as he could, but the door through which he’d escaped the ork’s vengeance was stuck fast, and not even putting a shot into the control panel on his side with his blasta would shift it. However, he was (arguably) Da Red Gobbo, and he wasn’t going to let a door stop him. There were plenty of bodies around him, and many of them had stikkbombs – or the humie equivalent, which were considerably smaller, rounder, and less impressive-looking – that they’d not got around to using before they’d died. Sure, the door was pretty thick, but how many blasts could it take before he managed to blow a hole in it?

The answer turned out to be ‘more than he could count’, but Fingwit had certainly spent less pleasant times than hiding behind a crate and lobbing explosives at something that wasn’t fighting back. Once there was a twisted, smoking gap in it that was wide enough for him, he squeezed through (being careful not to snag his nice new coat on any of the sharp metal edges) and hurried off. The rest of Da Fingers needed him to come and save them before they got killed by being shoved into a fight they wanted no part of, simply because an ork thought that’s what they should be doing.

There was no sign of the ork or his captives on the other side of the door, but Fingwit hadn’t expected them to stick around: the ork had clearly been in a hurry, and trying to gather whatever reinforcements he could muster. However, there were some clues as to where they might have gone. The corridor floors were a mess, but it was still possible to make out grot footprints here and there, heading away from him, and sometimes overlaid with the far larger, heavy tread of an ork’s boots as the big git herded his charges along in front of him. And was that a shiny medal torn from a humie tunic, but lying some distance away from the humie in question? Such as might be the case if Swikk had paused to tear it free, and then been swatted by the ork so hard it flew from his grip? Fingwit was on the right track, he knew it.

He hurried on, always taking the larger route where there was a choice, or heading further into the ship’s interior. The ork was looking for a fight, and there was a better chance of running into defenders in big spaces, or closer to the middle. It was the antithesis of what Fingwit was used to, but Da Red Gobbo could not afford to crawl into a corner and hide. Da Fingers were counting on him; or at least, they would have been, if they’d known he was coming. He couldn’t let them down. He couldn’t let himself down.

It was the ork’s slugga that finally allowed Fingwit to pinpoint them. The hollow booming of it was faint, but distinctive against the faint hisses and hums which were all the noises that the ship around him was making. The fainter, higher-pitched chatter of grot blastas confirmed it, and Fingwit hurried towards the noises as fast as his legs could carry him, with the tail of his coat streaming out behind him. Somewhere not too far away, one ork and a few grots were shooting at something.

The corridor reached a large space that was thick with the stale odours of what the humies used as food, overlaid with the more recent, sharper scent of hot metal and gun smoke. Rows of metal tables bolted to the floor – sensible thinking, Fingwit noted, since it would prevent anyone from stealing them easily – confirmed his suspicions that this was where the humies went to eat. He slipped in through the open doorway, then ducked down behind one of the tables as the massive shape of the ork kicked a stool in apparent frustration, sending it clattering across the room.

‘Gah!’ the ork bellowed. ‘Dese humies got any decent grog?’

‘Can’t see any, boss,’ came Grubba’s voice from somewhere behind a long metal counter.

‘Two zoggin’ humies ain’t even a proppa fight, and dey don’t ’ave any grog ’ere eever?’ the ork grumbled.

‘Don’t look like it, boss,’ Rattak said. Fingwit crept closer, bent double to keep the tabletops between him and the ork’s line of sight. He could see two huge legs stomping back and forth, occasionally kicking at things.

‘If dere’s no good fightin’ ta be had, why don’t we go back to da ’Ullbreakers?’ Swikk suggested brightly. ‘Maybe we could–’

‘Shurrit!’ the ork thundered. ‘Zagnab’s mob don’t go no-where until all da enemy’s been killed, ya got dat?’

Ain’t much of a mob, Fingwit thought to himself as he shuffled along. One ork and four grots? But dis ork obviously finks of himself as a nob. He needed to make his move now, while they were still fairly spread out, before the ork got his makeshift mob together again and bullied them into the next corridor.

Fingwit hopped up onto a stool, and from there into full view on a tabletop, with his brightly coloured coat swirling around him. He knew he looked impressive, and that was confirmed by the awestruck faces that turned towards him. Even Zagnab looked stunned.

‘Zagnab!’ Fingwit declared forcefully. ‘Let my–’

The ork raised his slugga and fired.

‘Oh, zog!’

Fingwit hastily threw himself back off the table again, crashing painfully down onto the floor, as the slugga shells roared overhead and detonated in the wall behind him. So much for that plan, then.

‘Wot in da name of Gork’s green grin is goin’ on?’ Zagnab raged. ‘Come out ’ere, ya fancy-pants little git!’

‘No!’ Fingwit shouted back. ‘Not until ya let dese grots go! Dey ain’t yoors ta boss about no more!’

Zagnab actually laughed, and fired off another shot, apparently at random. ‘Oh yeah? Ya gonna make me, a runty little grot like yoo? Yoo an’ whose Waaagh!?’

Fingwit’s chest suddenly burned with fervour, and he hefted his shoota. ‘I ain’t a runty grot, I’m Da Red Gobbo! An’ I don’t need a Waaagh!, when I got Da Glorious Revolushun!’

He didn’t wait to see whether that pronouncement was greeted with astonishment or simply further mirth, because he’d slunk along to the edge of another table, and now he threw himself into the open. Zagnab turned towards him, raising his slugga with the lazy, incongruously graceful reflexes of a creature evolved for nothing but combat. However, Fingwit was neither lazy, nor graceful. He was an entire grot’s worth of panicked aggression, and while he might have lacked his larger cousin’s reflexes, he had considerably better aim.

He pulled the trigger, and a veritable fusillade of shells thundered out of the shoota and tore its way up the ork’s torso.

Orks were tough. They could take a hit that would kill a humie outright, get back up, clobber whatever had hit them, and then have a laugh about it afterwards. They could be stitched back up with little care or attention, and heal with nothing more than some impressive scarring. They were virtually immune to infection. An ork that could still walk was probably going to survive whatever injuries he had, because anything that didn’t kill an ork outright was probably not going to kill him at all.

However, orks didn’t just fight the rest of the galaxy. They also – in fact, perhaps mainly – fought each other, which meant that an ork didn’t consider something a proper weapon unless it was killy enough to despatch another ork. While that led to hilarious levels of overkill when they went up against humies, it also meant that a few good shoota hits would put even an ork down, and Fingwit had landed more than just a few.

Zagnab keeled over backwards with his entire ribcage blasted open, and his head split in half. Not even an ork was going to get up from that, at least not without some sort of direct intervention from Gork and Mork themselves. Fingwit managed to unclamp his finger from the shoota’s trigger before the weapon jolted itself clean out of his grip, and took a few deep, shuddering breaths.

Grot heads peeked out from where they’d taken cover, eyes wide in wonder and horror.

‘Alright, ladz?’ Fingwit said, trying to act nonchalant. He rested the shoota’s back end on the floor and leant casually on the barrel, then hurriedly jerked his arm away when he registered how hot it was. ‘Ow! Um. Fort you might wanna hand.’

‘Fingwit?’ Rattak said incredulously, peering at him. ‘Dat you?’

‘Well, sorta,’ Fingwit said, brushing his coat down ostentatiously. ‘But I’m also Da Red Gobbo now.’

‘Da Red Gobbo ain’t real!’ Grubba objected.

‘Yes ’e is,’ Fingwit said firmly. ‘An’ ’e just rescued ya, so dat proves it.’

‘Oo, where’d ya get da coat?’ Duzzik squeaked, scurrying forward to grab at the sleeve. Fingwit went to swat him away, then thought better of it, and settled for pulling his arm out of Duzzik’s reach. Hitting someone because they were smaller than him was what an ork would do, after all.

‘Made it,’ he said smugly. ‘Just knocked it up from wot I found lyin’ about. But I couldn’t leave Da Fingers ta get kicked around by an ork, could I? Fort I’d betta come find ya. Yoo ladz are gonna be da beginnin’ of Da Glorious Revolushun. If ya wanna be,’ he added.

Da Fingers looked at each other, and then at Fingwit.

‘Does dat mean we get ta go back?’ Rattak asked hopefully.

‘Weeeell,’ Fingwit said, rocking one hand back and forth. ‘I sorta had anuvver idea…’

ABOVE AN’ BEYOND

‘Dis ain’t da gun deck,’ Rattak whispered hoarsely. They had come up several levels, but their surroundings still showed evidence of hard fighting, not to mention hard dying. Fingwit had to hand it to the humies; they’d given da boyz one heck of a fight. Da Fingers were advancing through the evidence of warfare, with piles of bodies marking where stand after stand had been made, and finally broken by the green tide.

‘I know,’ Fingwit replied. ‘We ain’t goin’ for da gunz any more.’

The green tide was not inexhaustible, he noticed, or at least not in this context. As his little group got closer to their destination, the evidence was becoming clearer. There were always more boyz in the galaxy, always, but that didn’t mean that there were always enough in the right place. The main thrust of the ork advance into the ship had come this way, heading for the tightest, fiercest knots of humies, with unerring orky instinct for finding the best possible fight. The early stands of defenders had been overwhelmed with virtually no ork losses, the sheer weight of numbers sweeping the humies aside before they could bring down more than a couple of their attackers.

Further on, however, the orks had needed to work harder for their gains, and the corpses lying around were closer to parity in their respective origins. At a certain point, the weight of numbers in each engagement had actually tipped in the humies’ favour, and then it was simply ferocity and sheer, bloody-minded toughness that had seen the orks come through, but each time with fewer and fewer bodies to assault the next humie defensive line.

‘So if we ain’t goin’ for da gunz, wot are we goin’ for?’ Grubba asked nervously. He was jumping at sudden noises, as though fearful that some of the humies were going to get back up and start fighting at any moment, even though everyone knew that humies stayed down once they went down.

‘We’re goin’ for da biggest prize of all,’ Fingwit said. He wondered if it was the fancy clothes, but it felt natural to be in charge, making decisions and speaking all important-like. The others had fallen in, even Rattak; he was still asking questions, but not with any indication that he thought he should be in charge instead. The concept of Da Red Gobbo seemed to have got under their skins and inspired them, even though they knew that it was Fingwit.

So, Fingwit wondered, what could it do for grots who’d never known Fingwit at all?

‘Why should we just take control of da gunz?’ he asked rhetorically, as they hurried along. ‘Doesn’t look like dere’s anyone left alive on dis ship, apart from us. Why not take control of da whole fing?’

‘Da whole– Are yoo takin’ us to da bridge?’ Rattak demanded, cutting himself off as realisation dawned.

‘I don’t like dat,’ Duzzik offered. ‘If dere’s any humies left alive, dat’s where dey’ll be.’

‘Yeah,’ Fingwit acknowledged, ‘but just fink about it! Da best way ta make dis ship shoot wot we want it to, is by makin’ sure we can steer it as well as shoot! Besides,’ he added, ‘wot else are we gonna do? Yoo really wanna walk away from maybe havin’ a ship of our own?’

‘Da Meklord ain’t gonna let us keep it,’ Grubba said, although his contemplative tone suggested that he was at least mulling the idea over.

‘So why let Da Meklord decide?’ Fingwit demanded. ‘Dis ship ain’t been blown up yet, so ’e’s eever lost, or dey’re still fightin’ out dere. Eever way, if we can take dis over, we could just zog off wiv it before anyone realises wot’s goin’ on!’

The shocked silence of treacherous thinking spread outwards, like a pool of spilled fungus beer.

‘Ya need meks ‘n’ stuff ta keep a ship runnin’,’ Rattak said slowly. ‘An’ dere’s no meks wot’d come onta dis ship wivout takin’ it from us. Don’t reckon we know enuff ta keep it goin’ by ourselves.’

‘Maybe, maybe not,’ Fingwit conceded. ‘Maybe we could find some uvver grots wot do. Get enuff of us togevva, I reckon we can do a lot. But first,’ he said, ‘we’re gonna have ta take da ship over. An’ to do dat, we need ta get froo dat door.’

The doors were huge, at least twice as high as an ork, and wide enough to drive a buggy through, had they been open. A dozen orks lay dead in front of them, along with twice that number of humies, but none of the orks were within ten foot of the doors, which were largely untouched apart from a few pockmarks from stray shoota and slugga shells.

The boarding party had got this far, but no further. It had cost the humies practically everything to do it, but they’d halted the ork advance just short of the bridge doors. If humie kaptins were anything like ork kaptins, then on the other side of those doors there would be a very angry humie shouting into a speaking tube and wondering why no one was replying to it any longer. Although actually, Fingwit corrected himself, if humie kaptins were anything like ork kaptins then it would have come out here to join in the fight as soon as it had realised that there was one going on.

‘We need ta get in dere?’ Duzzik squeaked, peering out from behind Rattak. ‘Dat looks… big.’

‘Dat’s only cos yer small,’ Fingwit told him. ‘C’mon, ladz – dis is our ticket ta freedom! On da uvver side of dose doors is an end ta slavery! An end ta gettin’ a kickin’ just cos an ork don’t like wot we’re doin’, even if it’s wot ’e told us ta do! And an end ta scrappin’ for leftovers! We farm da zoggin’ squigs, we should get ta eat ’em,’ he added, with considerable feeling.

‘Dey don’t look like dere gonna open easy,’ Swikk said.

‘Eyes an’ ’ands,’ Fingwit said confidently. ‘Dat’s wot we need.’

It wasn’t. No matter whose head they placed against what seemed to be the doors’ control panel, or whose hand they slapped onto it, the doors remain stubbornly closed.

‘Dis is outrayjus!’ Fingwit spat, kicking a dead humie. ‘Why’d dey go an’ build a door ya can’t get froo? Gettin’ froo is da whole point o’ doors – it’s why dey ain’t walls!’

‘It sounds like wot Da Revolushun needs is a bit o’ teknikal know-wots,’ Rattak said. He pulled a string on his apron, and it unfolded to reveal a selection of tools. ‘Stand aside, Fingwit! Ya might be da squig’s knees at killin’ an ork, but in da contest between door an’ grot, dere can only be one winner! And dat would be me,’ he added, in case it wasn’t clear.

Fingwit shrugged. Rattak was good with wires, after all. ‘Ya sure ya can do it?’

‘Why?’ Rattak asked, prising a piece of wall panelling off and studying the wiring revealed. ‘Am I gettin’ in da way of a brilliant door-openin’ plan ya just ain’t told us about yet?’

‘No,’ Fingwit admitted. ‘Just wanted ta know ’ow confident ya are about it.’

‘Da fing about humies is, dey don’t ’ave much imagination,’ Rattak said, pulling on something red and sending sparks flying. ‘But, dat means ya can quickly work out ’ow dey do fings. An’ if I could find da power couplin’ Klaws spliced inta Gutfink’s Stompa when ’e was off ’is face on double-fermented fungus beer, I can sure as squigs get dis zoggin’ door open.’

A blue wire was unceremoniously ripped out and discarded as apparently unnecessary, followed by a small piece of metal which seemed to be in the shape of that strange, two-winged, two-headed bird that served most of the humies as a clan glyph. It was rough-edged and crudely scored, Fingwit noticed, as though it had been made by a humie with its own hands, instead of the mass-produced, identical things that were their hallmark.

‘Dunno why dey keep shovin’ dose fings in places,’ Rattak said, his voice echoing as he shoved his head into the wall cavity. ‘Do dey fink da doors work better if da bird’s watchin’? It’s like dey don’t understand ’ow tek works… ’Ang on, I fink dat’s got it. Ready?’

Fingwit hefted his shoota. Swikk and Grubba, who had been bold enough to arm themselves in the same fashion, prepared themselves as well. Duzzik, who was simply too small to have even the faintest hope of using a shoota, drew the two grot blastas he was now armed with and pointed them at the doors with only the faintest trembling in his arms giving away his trepidation.

‘Ready,’ Fingwit confirmed.

‘Den hold on ta yer butts,’ Rattak said, and twisted the ends of two wires together.

The doors began to glide ponderously apart, and Fingwit edged forwards through them, with the others on his heels. He’d considered leading a charge as soon as there was a gap, but that was orky thinking. With any luck, the humies inside would take a few moments longer to realise that the new arrivals weren’t other humies than they would if Da Fingers ran inside shrieking ‘Waaagh!’ at the top of their lungs.

‘–everyone on this Throne-damned ship dead?!’ a rich humie voice was bellowing. ‘Even the servitors? Helmsman, can you bring us about, or not?’ Fingwit knew some of their language, since he’d had to deal with humie slaves from time to time, and they never showed even the slightest sign of learning Orkish. This one sounded pissed off.

‘Yes, captain,’ another replied, ‘but it will take a lot longer–’

The bridge of the ship was not as large as the food hall where Fingwit had killed Zagnab, and consisted of two semicircles of floor, one inside the other. The larger, lower semicircle was edged with consoles, instruments and readouts, and terminated on one side at a large, clear window through which the stars could be seen, along with more mobile clusters of lights that denoted other, distant ships, and the silent flashes as they fired weapons and took damage. The smaller, higher semicircle, reachable by a short flight of steps on each side of it, mainly consisted of a large and very ornate metal chair. In front of that, a big humie with a large belly, and a dark beard that could have rivalled Klaws’ in length and lustre, was leaning over a rail and haranguing one of its crew as though it were an ork, and the other one was a grot that had done something wrong.

There were only four proper humies in the entire place, Fingwit saw. The rest of the stations were occupied by those half-dead humies, sitting and staring dead ahead: which was just as well, given that the second humie had stopped speaking as it realised that the doors had opened, and that the new arrivals on the bridge were somewhat shorter and greener that it would have wished.

There was only one thing for it now, but at least they’d got a bit closer before having to resort to it.

‘Come on, ladz! Waaagh!’

The other grots joined in the shout, creating a considerably higher-pitched battle cry than the throaty roar which usually heralded a charge under such circumstances. It felt strange to Fingwit to be deliberately running into a fight; but then again, this was a fight that he had chosen. It made a considerable difference when you were trying to achieve something you actually wanted, instead of being shoved into deadly peril on the whims of someone larger than you.

The humie kaptin, for so it had to be, drew a gun of some sort and discharged it at Fingwit with a thunderous boom, but Fingwit had already ducked under the shot and was running for the stairs. He sprayed fire from his shoota in return, as the rest of Da Fingers opened up as well, and he was rewarded by the kaptin throwing itself to the deck in search of some cover as the shots spanged off the rails. Fingwit reached the top of the stairs, rounded the rail, and trained his shoota on the humie kaptin with a cry of triumph.

A cry that withered in his throat when his frantic pulling of the trigger coaxed forward nothing but the clack-clack-clack of a weapon that had just expended its last burst of ammunition.

‘Oh, zoggin’ ‘eck!’ Fingwit wailed. He dropped the shoota, and threw back one side of his long coat to clear the blasta stuck into his belt.

The humie, apparently realising that its death had failed to arrive via the medium of chemically propelled solid rounds, scrambled back to its feet and began to raise its weapon for another shot.

Fingwit had two choices. He could do the sensible grot thing, and throw himself to one side while screaming (the screaming was not strictly essential, but on another level it very much was essential), or he could be Da Red Gobbo, stand tall in the face of adversity, and try to beat the humie to the draw.

Fingwit went for his blasta.

DA NOTORIOUS

Fingwit’s blasta wasn’t an ork weapon: it wasn’t big, it wasn’t bulky, it wasn’t noisy, and it didn’t pack that much of a punch. An ork would have thrown it away with a contemptuous laugh, or possibly just stamped on it. It was, however, Fingwit’s: he’d made the zogging thing, he’d unjammed it when it needed unjamming, he’d cleaned it when there wasn’t any other option to keep it working, and he’d loaded it. He knew the gun.

It wasn’t an ork weapon: it was a grot weapon, and what better weapon for Da Red Gobbo to carry?

Fingwit’s hand found his blasta, and he cleared it from his belt just as the humie squeezed its trigger.

A stinging pain erupted on the left side of Fingwit’s head. He cried out, but the spontaneous tightening of his muscles included that of his trigger finger. The blasta bucked in his hand, and a single shot rang out.

Had Fingwit been using a shoota or a slugga, the impact would have smashed the humie’s head apart. As it was, the humie staggered back with its eyes unfocused as a weeping red wound appeared in its forehead. It reached the rail behind it, teetered unsteadily, then fell backwards with its hand half-heartedly clawing at the air. A very final-sounding thud indicated it hitting the lower part of the deck.

‘Ya shot me in da ear!’ Fingwit wailed, as his fingers came away bloodied from the left side of his head. However, Da Red Gobbo needed to be undaunted by such setbacks if he was to lead his fellows to freedom, so Fingwit wiped his hand on his coat and advanced to the edge of the raised platform, his blasta still held in his other hand. ‘Ladz? ’Ow we doin’? Ladz?’

Five grots who were heavily armed – heavily armed by the usual standards of grots, anyway – and prepared for a fight, against four humies taken unawares, had turned out to be better odds than Fingwit had feared. He’d taken out the kaptin, as of course was appropriate, but the rest of Da Fingers had done their bit too. There were three more dead humies lying on the floor, with only a few bits of control machinery sparking and smoking from where stray shots had hit them.

However, Da Revolushun was not without its own casualty.

‘Don’t fink ’e’s gonna make it, boss,’ Swikk said sadly, staring down at the decapitated body of Grubba. The culprit looked to be a long, thin blade that was still held in the hand of one of the dead humies, and around which played the faint shimmering of a power field. ‘But I got da git wot did it.’

‘Dat’s good,’ Fingwit said solemnly. ‘It’s wot he would’ve wanted.’

‘Fairly sure wot he would’ve wanted was ta not get ’is ’ead cut off,’ Swikk replied, somewhat dubiously.

‘An’ dat is not an unreasonable point,’ Fingwit conceded. ‘But given that ’is ’ead was cut off, I reckon wot ’e would’ve wanted would be for ya ta get da git wot did it.’ He straightened up, and looked around. None of the half-dead humies had moved from their positions, so as far as they seemed to be concerned, it was still business as usual. Well, good. It was going to be difficult enough to make the ship do what Da Fingers wanted anyway, let alone having to cope without all the automated systems the humies had thoughtfully left in place for them.

‘Rattak,’ he said. ‘Get dat door shut an’ locked. If dere are any humies left alive on dis fing wot wanna come askin’ questions about wot da ship’s doin’ an’ ’oo it’s shootin’ at, I want ’em stuck on da uvver side.’

‘Yoo got it, boss,’ Rattak replied instantly, readying his tools once more. Was it the mantle of Da Red Gobbo that prompted such ready obedience, or the fact that Fingwit’s plan had succeeded, and they now had control of the ship? Or possibly, Fingwit conceded to himself, it was just that Rattak was just as keen to have a thick, unmoving door between him and any humie stragglers as Fingwit was.

Well, maybe this was what it meant to be in charge when you couldn’t just pull someone’s arms off if they didn’t agree with you. You had to give them orders they wanted to obey most of the time, and they had to see that you knew what you were doing, so they would be used to listening to you when the time came to tell them to do something they didn’t want to.

‘Dey still fightin’ out dere?’ Duzzik asked, peering up at the big window that displayed what was going on in the void surrounding them.

‘Looks like it,’ Fingwit said. He returned to the big chair and hopped up into it, then began pressing buttons on the armrests. The third one brought up a brilliant, three-dimensional light display, with a glowing blue dot in the centre surrounded by slowly shifting blue and green ones.

‘Ooohhhhh…’ Fingwit said, momentarily lost in fascination at the pretty lights and colours. Then he got a grip on himself, and began to pay proper attention. Ork ships were green, obviously, which meant the humie ones would be blue. Humies always thought they were the centre of everything, so the blue dot in the middle would be the ship they were currently on. They seemed to be a fair distance from a lot of the other icons, if he was reading the display correctly; the orks had boarded this ship using ’Ullbreakers, and then the rest of the space battle had drifted away from it. If Fingwit was any judge, he figured that both sides had been waiting to find out who won before they did anything further. Da Meklord’s plan had obviously involved taking this ship over, so the ork fleet would be unlikely to fire on it until they knew if the boarding party had succeeded or not; similarly, the humies probably wouldn’t shoot at their own ship so long as they still had hope that it might repel its attackers, and rejoin the fight on their side.

‘Alright, den,’ Fingwit said, flexing his fingers and looking over the unfamiliar displays in front of him. What he’d seen of controls in ork ships had looked considerably simpler – a go lever, a stop button, the up/down/left/right stick, and a lot of triggers for the gunz – but then humies always had to make things ridiculously complicated. ‘First fings first, ladz – we need ta work out ’ow ta get dis fing moving before anyone decides dey needs ta take it from us.’

‘Wot’re we gonna do wiv it, boss?’ Duzzik squeaked, jumping up onto a console and stamping on things, in case that provoked any sort of reaction from the metallic leviathan beneath and around them. ‘Are we runnin’ away?’

Fingwit bit his lip. Running away certainly sounded like the sensible thing to do, since it was pretty much always the sensible thing to do when it was a choice, but something was nagging at him.

‘Let’s find out wot we can do, first,’ he said, prodding a glowing glyph. ‘Dere’s no point comin’ up wiv a grand plan if we can’t make da zoggin’ fing move.’

They could make the zoggin’ thing move. It took Rattak and Duzzik hauling on one lever at the same time, while Fingwit dismissed warning icons as they flashed up in front of him and Swikk bellowed instructions at one of the half-dead, wired-in humies in his best impression of a humie kaptin, but their efforts were rewarded by the faintest of rumbles in the floor. The ship’s engines were firing and responding, and it was, ever so slowly, beginning to heel around in the void.

‘We ain’t gonna be outrunnin’ anyfing, kaptin,’ Duzzik reported, saluting like he was a Blood Axe, ‘but Da Gobbo’s Revenge is operashunal!’

‘Da Gobbo’s Revenge,’ Fingwit said, feeling a smile spread across his face. ‘I like it! Wot about da gunz? We was gonna override ’em from da gun deck, but since we didn’t do dat, we should still be able ta shoot ’em from up ’ere.’ He looked around. ‘Don’t suppose da humies would ’ave anyfing obvious like a trigger, would dey? Probably just anuvver zoggin’ button. Dey do love dere buttons.’

He prodded at the hololithic display again, tapping his finger through one of the green spots that designated a vessel of the TekWaaagh! The lights flickered, but then solidified again as the green dot was bracketed in red.

‘Dere’s somefing ’appenin’ over ’ere, kaptin!’ Rattak called, hurrying over to one of the screens on the lower deck. ‘It’s showin’ one of da fleet. I fink it’s… Yeah, looks like Da Ironjaw.’

Da Ironjaw was one of Da Meklord’s kill kroozers: an ugly, weapon-scarred hulk of a ship under the command of Kaptin Drukzog, which was as likely to ram an enemy as it was to blow it apart. Fingwit tapped the button that he’d worked out meant ‘I’ve changed my mind’, before anything unintended could happen. The last thing he wanted to do was draw orkish attention to Da Gobbo’s Revenge and make the fleet think it was still under the control of humies and, worse still, was a threat to them.

He tapped one of the blue dots, just to see what would happen. It was not immediately bracketed in red, but a couple of other icons flashed up next to it instead. On the basis that he didn’t have any better ideas, Fingwit acknowledged one of them.

The bridge was abruptly filled by a hissing, as of one of the venomous serpents the Snakebites carried with them, if it had been much larger, and possibly made of metal. Then a humie voice spoke, distorted and somehow distant.

‘–ptain Azar, what is your status? Have the boarders been repelled? Are you able to rejoin the battle?’

Fingwit recoiled in alarm, until he realised that the humie wasn’t here: it was speaking to them across space, from the other ship!

‘Dat’s just unnatural,’ Swikk said, with some feeling.

‘Captain Azar, please repeat,’ the humie voice said, and even Fingwit could detect the sudden tension in its voice. Of course! It had heard Swikk, and wanted to know what that unfamiliar voice speaking a strange language had been. Fingwit hastily put his finger to his lips to shush the others, then tried pressing another one of the icons that had appeared.

The blue dot was abruptly bracketed in red.

‘Azar, what are you doing? Saint’s Light, you have us in target lock – I repeat, Saint’s Light, you have us in target lock! Disable at once!’

‘Dis fing’s showin’ a humie ship now!’ Rattak hissed, pointing at the screen next to him.

Target lock? That sounded promising. Fingwit pressed the button that seemed to mean ‘do the thing’, and the bracketing became a flashing ring. What was more, a selection of switch covers popped open on the panel next to which Rattak was standing, making him jump.

‘Saint’s Light, our shields are already damaged! Disable target lock immediately, or we will–’

‘Borin’ conversation anyway,’ Fingwit muttered, toggling the first icon, and the humie’s voice vanished as quickly as it had arrived. ‘Rattak! Push da…’ Fingwit hesitated, trying to work it out, then shrugged. ‘Push da one on da left.’

Rattak grinned a wide, needle-toothed grin, and slapped his hand down on the switch Fingwit had indicated. The ship shuddered faintly, and then small white flashing icons appeared on Fingwit’s display, heading towards the blue ship he had indicated.

‘It didn’t go ”boom”,’ Rattak said, looking at the switch with some disappointment.

‘Prob’ly did, we was just too far away ta hear it,’ Fingwit said. ‘But if ya look out dere, sorta up an’ to da right a bit…’

The others clustered together, staring up at the light-speckled darkness. Whatever Da Gobbo’s Revenge had spat out was already too small to see, but Fingwit hoped that, with a bit of luck…

There. A tiny, silent flower of flame and shattered metal, just close enough to make out.

‘Did we do dat?!’ Duzzik squeaked incredulously.

‘We did dat!’ Fingwit confirmed. What a feeling this was, to have such a behemoth of destruction at his command! This must be like what a Killa Kan pilot felt like, only on a far larger scale, and with the added bonus that Fingwit hadn’t been welded into a small metal barrel for the rest of his life. So much power! They could go anywhere (until the fuel ran out), and kill anything (until the ammo ran out)…

‘So we can move, an’ we can shoot fings,’ Swikk said, turning to look up at Fingwit. ‘Wot’s da plan, kaptin? We gonna make a run for it? Leave da TekWaaagh! behind, an’ go off ta seek our fortune in da stars?’

‘Ooh!’ Duzzik squealed, jumping up and down. ‘Maybe we could be freebooter grots! I always wanted one of dose fancy hats wiv da Jolly Ork on it!’

Fingwit drummed his fingers on the rail thoughtfully. A few of the blips on the display were shifting position slightly, but nothing that was going to threaten them immediately: most of the ships were too concerned with other, nearer enemies to worry about a more distant potential threat taking potshots. They had a few moments to think this over properly.

‘I dunno if dat’s da right fing ta do,’ he said slowly. ‘It sounds like a good idea, but… Wot about all da uvvers?’

‘Wot uvvers?’ Rattak asked, scratching his head.

‘Da uvver grots!’ Fingwit said, waving his hand in the general direction of the bulk of Da Meklord’s fleet. ‘On all dose uvver ships, dere are lotz an’ lotz o’ grots wot are no better off dan we were, an’ a lot of ’em probably doin’ worse. Dey’re workin’ away wiv no ’ope, an’ nuffink ta look forward to except maybe not gettin’ a kickin’ at da end of da day.’

He slapped his chest, growing more and more convinced that what he was saying was correct.

‘I didn’t put on da coat of Da Red Gobbo just ta save you lot from dat ork. We should be doin’ more! We should be tryin’ ta help all da grots, everywhere!’

‘I mean…’ Swikk looked uncertain. ‘Dat sounds like a great idea, but how’re we gonna do dat? We might be able ta fit all da grots on dis ship, just about, but dere’s no way da orks would just let ’em all go. Dey’ll take dis ship off us as soon as we get close, anyway!’

‘I know,’ Fingwit said soberly. ‘I know. We can’t help ’em like dat. But wot if we take dis ship an’ go chargin’ inta da fight? Wot if we blow as many of dose humie gits outta da sky as we can? And den when da battle’s done, everyone’ll see it weren’t orks wot did it, it were grots.’

‘Don’t matter, tho,’ Rattak said glumly. ‘Da orks still ain’t gonna let us ’ave da ship. We’ll just get sent off ta work for anuvver mek, or somefing.’

‘Let ’em,’ Fingwit said, sticking out his chest. ‘Let ’em send us back. Let all da grots see dat no matter how hard dey work, no matter ’ow many of da enemy dey kill, no matter how much betta dey are dan any ork, dey’re never gonna be treated fair. It’s gonna take more dan four grots an’ one nicked ship ta cause a proper revolushun, boyz – it’s gonna take all of us. So we can run an’ hide for a bit, or we can go back an’ be examples to all of grotkind of wot we can do when dere’s no orks ta get in da way!’

‘Yer sayin’ we should go back?’ Duzzik said incredulously. ‘Ya actually want us ta go back an’ start gettin’ our ’eads kicked in again because we tightened a nut da wrong way?’

‘Course I don’t,’ Fingwit scoffed. ‘But if we’re gonna ’ave a chance ta make it so dat one day, no uvver grot gets ’is ’ead kicked in for tightenin’ a nut da wrong way, dat’s wot we needs ta do. We needs ta beat da enemy from da inside.’

‘I ain’t gonna get eaten by an ork!’ Duzzik protested. ‘Dere’s no plan dat’s wurf dat!’

‘Not literally from da inside,’ Fingwit sighed. He descended the stairs to stand in front of them. ‘Look. Da legends say dat Da Red Gobbo ’as a Kommittee, right? Dat’s yoo. Dat’s us. Da Red Gobbo’s an idea wot grots need, but ’e needs ta be more dan just a legend, ’e needs ta be somefing real. I want us ta fly inta dat fight an’ shoot down a buncha gits, an’ den when da orks take everyfing from us, we go back to da rest of our lot an’ tell ’em da troof. We’ll be Da Red Gobbo for ’em, all of us. An’ maybe one day, we can take everyfing back. Everyfing.’ He spread his arms. ‘Whaddya say?’

Swikk scowled, then sighed, and stuck his fist out. ‘Alright, I’m in. For da Revolushun!’

‘Seriously?’ Rattak asked, bewildered. ‘Yer goin’ along wiv dis?’

‘Shut up, Rattak,’ Duzzik squeaked, putting his fist in to touch Swikk’s. ‘For da Revolushun.’

Fingwit beamed, and joined them. ‘For da Revolushun!’

Rattak groaned. ‘We got a perfickly good ship full of loot, an’ da biggest gunz we’re ever gonna get our ’ands on, an’ ya wanna give it all up ta go back?’

‘But we’re gonna use da gunz first,’ Fingwit pointed out. ‘No holding back. Get in da middle of ’em, an’ shoot da lot off. It’s gonna be da most fun fing we’ve ever done.’

Rattak shook his head sadly. ‘I knew followin’ yoo woz a bad idea. But, if da rest of ya ’ave made yer minds up on it…?’

Fingwit nodded encouragingly, as did Swikk and Duzzik. Rattak sighed.

‘Fine. Let’s do da stoopid plan, den. But if we die, I’m gonna kill ya.’

He stuck his fist in to join the rest of them.

‘For da Revolushun.’

BLAZE OF GLORY

‘We still tell da tale of dat battle in space, even now. An’ da TekWaaagh!’s conquered a whole planet since den, so ya know it’s a good’un.

‘Da humies weren’t givin’ up wivout a fight, for once. Da Meklord had more ships, but – no, I didn’t zoggin’ count ’em, Daggit, I woz kinda busy at da time! Also, dere woz def’nitely more dan I coulda counted. But I know Da Meklord had more ships. Why? Cos ’e’s da zoggin’ warboss, innee! Ya don’t get ta lead a Waaagh! by ’avin’ less ships dan da enemy, dat’s just common sense.

‘Anyway, as I woz sayin’, Da Meklord had more ships, but da humies were doin’ sneaky stuff like flyin’ outta da way o’ da gunz, an’ gangin’ up wiv each uvver ta take our ships out, an’ dat sorta fing. Y’know, taktiks. Zoggin’ cowards, o’ course, but – no, I don’t care if ya fink yer a Blood Axe, Daggit. Da orks don’t fink yer a Blood Axe, an’ we don’t care, so shurrup about taktiks, or I’ll stra-tee-jik-ly shove me boot where Gork an’ Mork don’t go lookin’, ya got it? Anyways, da humies were usin’ taktiks an’ makin’ fings difficult. Da Meklord would’ve won in da end, o’ course, an’ don’t tell da orks dat I said any diff’rent! But it woulda taken longer.

‘So dere we woz, fightin’ da humie fleet what’d moved to blockade da planet an’ prevent us from landin’, cos I dunno, dey wanted ta keep it for ’emselves or somefing like dat. Maybe dey just wanted ta fight in space and on da ground? Suited Da Meklord, anyhow. So we woz fightin’ dem, and dey woz fightin’ us, an’ it was all finely balanced, like dat game where ya stack dead squigs up in a pile an’ try ta pull one out wivout da whole heap comin’ down.

‘An’ den Da Gobbo’s Revenge came in.

‘It was a glorious sight, even tho it just looked like anuvver humie ship at first – yes, Daggit, I did see it, cos I woz lookin’ out a window at da time! Wot woz yoo doin’? Cleanin’ yer nob’s shoota? Yeah, fort so. Shut it. Anyway, we could tell it weren’t humies in charge o’ dat ship, cos of da way it was flyin’. It was rollin’ an’ swervin’ all over da place – y’know, proppa flyin’, cos dere’s no point in just goin’ in a straight line when yer in space, is dere? It’s just a waste of all dat, y’know, space.

‘So, Da Gobbo’s Revenge showed up, an’ opened up wiv everyfing it had. Oh, it woz glorious ta see. All dat dakka, right inta da humie fleet. Shame we couldn’t hear it, but it probably would’ve made our ’eads explode wiv da noise, so might’ve been da best fing, all in all. Da humies didn’t know what’d hit ’em, an’ half of ’em hadn’t worked out dat dere mates weren’t in charge of da ship no more. Dey might’ve been able ta shoot it down, but humies don’t fink like we do. If one ork ship shoots anuvver one, dat one’ll shoot ’em back, y’know, just ta let ’em know dat dey ain’t gonna put up wiv it. Humies just stand around goin’ “What? Why? Why?” for a bit, an’ by da time any of ’em had decided ta do somefing, Da Gobbo’s Revenge woz past ’em an’ gone. It messed up dere fancy for-may-shun, an’ dat woz all Da Meklord needed. Da rest of ’is ships went right inta da gaps, and da humies woz done for.

‘Now, we all fort dat it woz some big ol’ ork wot took dat ship an’ made it his, an’ broke up da humie fleet wiv it. Cos ya would, wouldn’t ya? But can a single one of ya tell me which ork, which nob, which mek, which big boss it woz? Nah, ya can’t. Cos even tho da orks won’t admit it, dey all know it weren’t one of dem wot took over dat ship. It woz one of us. It woz Da Red Gobbo.

‘Some grots’ll tell ya dat Da Red Gobbo don’t exist, dat he’s just a legend. And dey’re sorta right, but dey’re also wrong. Dere ain’t a Red Gobbo, not just one Red Gobbo. Dere’s not one grot in a red coat who goes where he’s needed, encouragin’ da grots ta rise up against da orks an’ make life better for ’emselves. An ork can kill a single grot, and Gork an’ Mork know dey do, whenever it suits ’em. Da Red Gobbo’s an idea, an’ da orks can’t kill an idea – most of ’em ain’t even had one ta know wot one is!

‘No, Daggit, we dunno exactly which grot it woz wot made himself Red Gobbo dat day, an’ kicked seven shades of squig outta da humies. An’ dat’s da point. Da Meklord found out what’d ’appened, but he didn’t tell everyone wot a good job dat grot had done, did he? We didn’t get a name. Dat grot prob’ly just got kicked outta da ship, an’ sent back ta do da grubby jobs wiv da rest of us. Ya can do pretty much anyfing for an’ ork, an da only fanks yer gonna get is dem not kickin’ ya inta a wall, or somefing. Dat’s why we need Da Red Gobbo. Dat’s why one day, when da time is right, we’re gonna rise up an’ leave dis whole zoggin’ lot o’ stinkin’ squigbrains behind ta clean dere own zoggin’ shootas.

‘But until den – oh, zog it, it’s da orks! Look busy!

‘An’ just remember, Da Red Gobbo could be anywhere. He could be anyone.

‘He could be yoo…’

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mike Brooks is a science fiction and fantasy author who lives in Nottingham, UK. His work for Black Library includes the Horus Heresy Primarchs novel Alpharius: Head of the Hydra, the Warhammer 40,000 novels Rites of Passage and Brutal Kunnin, the Necromunda novel Road to Redemption and the novella Wanted: Dead, and various short stories. When not writing, he plays guitar and sings in a punk band, and DJs wherever anyone will tolerate him.

An extract from Brutal Kunnin.

It had been a weird trip through the warp.

Ufthak Blackhawk knew full well that there wasn’t such a thing as a normal trip through the warp, because Gork and Mork had their own senses of humour and liked to mess with the boyz every now and then. He still remembered that time he’d ended up seeing out of his own kneecaps for a while. Then there were all the interesting things you might encounter on a space hulk, like those bugeye wotsits with different numbers of arms that moved like a cyboar on nitrous. That was the great thing about space hulks – never a dull moment. Even when you thought you’d killed everything on board, you’d probably still missed a bit. And even if you hadn’t, odds were you’d still have some ladz with you to have a punch-up with if everything got too boring.

This journey, though, hadn’t been on a space hulk; it had been on a humie vessel, one that Ufthak and his boyz had boarded and taken, and on which Da Boffin had installed and then activated a device he’d called Da Warp Dekapitator. This had caused a katastroffic warp implosion – which was apparently a good thing, although Ufthak thought that ‘catastrophic’ sounded like something that should be happening to someone else – and it had dragged not only the humie ship but also all the ork ships around it into the warp and along the path of its last jump, to arrive back where it had come from.

(There was also the part where most of the bodies of the dead humie crew had merged together into a reanimated mass of flesh and steel that hungered for ork blood, and also the screaming humie faces that ran around on varying numbers of insectoid legs and spat poison, but the boyz had needed something to keep their spirits up on the way.)

Now they’d reached their destination, and had emerged from the warp again with nothing more than the sudden but quickly fading sensation that Ufthak’s skeleton wasn’t where it was supposed to be. And what a destination it was.

‘Dat planet,’ Mogrot Redtoof said, looking out of a viewport, ‘is made of metal.’

Ufthak nodded sagely. Back before they’d boarded the humie ship, he and Mogrot had been rivals – two warriors jockeying for position under the command of Badgit Snazzhammer. Thanks to a series of events involving a large robot, several fatalities and a head transplant courtesy of Dok Drozfang, Ufthak’s undamaged head had ended up on the decapitated Snazzhammer’s undamaged and significantly larger body. After a brief meeting of the minds via a headbutt, Mogrot had settled back into a role as Ufthak’s right-hand ork. That didn’t mean that Ufthak trusted him, of course, but at least he was fairly certain Mogrot wouldn’t try to shank him unless he was already wounded.

‘Looks like a humie mekboy place,’ Ufthak said. ‘Humie mekboy ship, coming from a humie mekboy planet. Makes sense to me.’

‘Why do dey do dat, anyway?’ Mogrot asked. ‘Make dere planets all shiny so ya know dey’ve got flashy stuff ya might want, and den when ya go to get it, dey get all annoyed an’ try to kill ya?’

‘Dat’s da problem wiv humies,’ Ufthak opined knowingly. ‘Dey ain’t logickal.’

‘Boss!’

The shout came from the other side of the bridge, where Ufthak and his ladz had taken up residence after they’d tossed out the corpses of the crew formerly stationed there. Ufthak clumped across the deck, absent-mindedly twirling the Snazzhammer as he went. It had been Badgit’s weapon, a two-handed affair as tall as a humie with its legs still attached, with an electrified hammer on one side of the head and a choppa blade on the other. He was starting to get used to the feel of it now, and couldn’t wait to krump a few more enemies with it.

‘Wot?’ he demanded, coming up alongside Deffrow. The other ork pointed with the few fingers that remained on his right hand, having blown most of them off by hitting a humie with a stikkbomb.

‘Look at dat, boss! Dat ain’t one of ours!’

Ufthak sucked his breath in through his teef as a jagged piece of darkness eclipsed the stars. The ships that made up the Waaagh! fleet of Da Meklord – Da Biggest Big Mek, and a warboss in his own right – were many and varied, but Ufthak was familiar with them, and Deffrow was correct: that wasn’t one of theirs. Impressive though Da Meklord’s flotilla was, none of them looked quite that… killy.

‘Dat’s Da Blacktoof,’ Ufthak said in something close to wonder, as the shape of it became clear. It was a monstrous kill kroozer, bristling with guns and ordnance. And there, leering down at them from under the prow, was a single, huge glyph: a monstrous, one-eyed ork skull, with crossed bones behind it. ‘Dat’s Kaptin Badrukk’s ship.’

The rest of his mob made suitably impressed noises. Badrukk was a legend across the galaxy, a freebooter of infamy and renown, and his presence here surely meant that Da Meklord’s own star was in the ascendancy.

Assuming, of course, that Badrukk was here because Da Meklord had arranged for him to be. If not…

‘Message from da boss!’ Da Boffin shouted, bursting into the bridge in a gust of fumes. At some point in the past, Da Meklord’s favourite spanner had, either due to injury or simple curiosity, replaced his legs with a gyro-stabilised monowheel, and as a result he was now both much faster than a normal boy, and spectacularly poor at navigating stairs. ‘All nobs are to get over to Mork’s Hammer right now!’

Mork’s Hammer was Da Meklord’s flagship, and Da Meklord only called his nobs and bosses together if he had something very important to say… or, alternatively, if he wanted to yell at them all. As a new nob, Ufthak had never attended one of these Waaagh! meets before. His chest swelled with new-found pride, and he slung the Snazzhammer over his shoulder as he turned on the spot.

‘Right den!’ He frowned, as a thought struck him. ‘Wait a minute. Do da ’Ullbreakers go backwards?’ He and his mob had arrived via boarding pods, which were still locked into the side of the humie ship after they’d broken through its ferrous hide.

Da Boffin shook his head. ‘Nah. Dey got just one gear – go.’

‘So how’re we s’posed to get back over dere, den?’ Ufthak demanded. What was the good in being a nob if you couldn’t go listen to your boss telling you what he wanted you to go and stomp?

Da Boffin shrugged. ‘Da humies have shuttles on dis fing. We’ll nick one.’

Ufthak frowned at him suspiciously. ‘You know how to fly one?’

‘Can’t be hard,’ Da Boffin grinned. ‘After all, humies can do it.’

The Waaagh! room of Mork’s Hammer was crowded with orks mashed in shoulder to shoulder. Ufthak saw many faces he recognised and many more that he didn’t, because every single ork of any authority under Da Meklord’s command was here. Surly, black-clad Goffs glowered at camouflaged Blood Axes and blue-painted Deathskulls, while the stench of fuel from the Evil Sunz was almost overpowered, but instead just sickeningly offset, by the smell of squig dung that accompanied the Snakebites. However, most numerous by far were the yellow and black colours of the Bad Moons, which wasn’t only Ufthak’s clan, but also that of Da Meklord himself. They were smartest, the richest and the flashest clan of all, and the reason why the Tekwaaagh! had risen so quickly and so unstoppably. Sure, the Evil Sunz might drive a bit faster, and the Blood Axes might be a bit sneakier, but if you wanted the ladz with the best guns, you wanted Bad Moons.

This many orks in such close proximity was a pretty good recipe for a massive fight, especially given the egos involved. Ufthak could see the huge, horned helm and multiple back banners of Drak Bigfang, the Goff warboss; the collection of junk and scavenged armour plates under which was Gurnak Six-Gunz, the self-proclaimed SupaLoota of the Deathskulls; and the fur-clad bulk of Da Viper, the Snakebite Overboss, whose gargantuan squiggoth was so large it allegedly had a hold all to itself in his kroozer. Any of these orks were capable of leading a Waaagh! in their own right, but no one was starting any trouble worse than jostling their neighbour a bit. No one wanted to end up like Oldfang Krumpthunda, who’d taken Da Meklord on one on one and had been… Well, no one was quite sure what he had been, other than it involved getting hit with Da Meklord’s shokkhammer and then ending up in lots of very small pieces in very different places. Some of the boyz said they were still finding bits of him in the stew, now and then.

Horns blared, a brassy note of challenge and conquest, and everyone shut their gobs and snapped their heads around to look at the dais built at the far end. Part of the wall behind it had been turned into a massive effigy of the face of Mork – or possibly Gork, but Ufthak reckoned it was Mork – and this was now yawning wider and wider as the mighty lower jaw dropped away. Steam and smoke gushed forth, obscuring the dais but accentuating the piercing red glare of the eyes lurking near the ceiling.

Then, first as a looming shadow in the murk, and then as a mighty figure resplendent in his yellow-and-black mega armour, Da Meklord emerged from the mouth of a god.

He was a titanic figure, and that wasn’t just down to the size of his armour. Ufthak’s new body was large enough that he was a head taller than most of the mob under his command, but Da Meklord would have towered over him had they stood next to each other. He made ordinary orks look like grots. His mega armour made him nearly as wide as he was tall, and the bosspole rising up above his head and carrying his personal glyphs and banners added another dimension of awe to his appearance. Half of the overlarge skull that housed his enormous brain was plated in metal; in his left hand he held the shokkhammer, and his right hand disappeared somewhere into the gigantic mess of barrels, ammo feeds and coolant pipes that formed his kustom supa-shoota.

‘ALRIGHT, LISSEN UP!’

The assembled nobs quietened down a bit more, each one intimidated into silence by his stentorian bellow. Ufthak stood as straight and tall as he could, to try and make sure his face was visible, even though he was standing quite far back and there were other, bigger orks with more impressive weapons and armour between him and his warboss. There was something intangible about Da Meklord that grabbed a lad by the throat, focused his attention and drove it home to him that this ork, this ork, was one who knew where he was going, and on whom glory and renown would be showered.

‘Da humies call dis world “Hephaesto”,’ Da Meklord rumbled. ‘Dere’s a lot of ’em down dere. Da red-robe types, da ones what look like Evil Sunz, but squishier.’

A bubble of laughter ran through the assembled nobs, save for the Evil Sunz present, who were doing their best to look like they weren’t glowering.

‘Dey’ve prob’ly got a lot of interestin’ tek, cos dose humies tend to,’ Da Meklord continued. ‘An’ normally, I’d be sendin’ all you down dere to get it, and kill ’em all. But dere’s a little snag.’

Ufthak glanced sideways, and saw his own confusion mirrored on the other green-skinned faces around him. What could possibly be a snag to a Waaagh! as mighty as this one? Unless…

‘See, some uvver gitz got ’ere first,’ Da Meklord said. ‘An’ we could fight dem too, dat could be a good larf, but while we woz doing dat, da humies might get away, an’ dat would just be a waste.’

Heads nodded. Humies weren’t exactly a scarce resource, but you couldn’t always rely on some being about when you wanted a scrap, so it made sense to use the ones that were here.

‘I talked to–’

The temperature in the Waaagh! room plummeted. Ufthak could see his breath in front of his face, and faint tendrils of frost began to creep along the walls. Orks readied their weapons, unsure what was going on but ready to fight it, or, if no better options presented themselves, each other.

The air pressure increased rapidly, from unnoticeable to the point where Ufthak felt like something was pressing in on his eardrums. He shook his head and growled, trying to clear the sensation, but it persisted until–

Vorp!

A bubble of energy washed out from the other end of the dais to where Da Meklord was standing, sending the smoke of his entrance billowing, and incidentally knocking the fumes aside to give every ork in the room a clear view of…

Kaptin Badrukk.

The mightiest freebooter kaptin who’d ever lived. The hero of the War of Dakka, the Breaker of the Grand Guard, and the Plunderer of Tanhotep. He stood resplendent in his lead-lined greatcoat, his bald head crowned by his mighty bicorn, which was as tall as a well-fed grot and dripping with medals taken from the corpses of humie commanders. He was leaning casually on his longblade choppa, and had Da Rippa, a gun so radioactive its simple presence in a room practically constituted an aggressive act, tucked under his arm. He was flanked by three more Flash Gitz, each one imitating him so far as possible in their mode of dress and armament, but not coming close to rivalling his sheer ostentatiousness and utter gaudy magnificence. Lurking behind them all was an ork that had to be Badmek Mogrok, another Bad Moons big mek, who fought under Badrukk’s banner and was undoubtedly the source of his teknologickal advances.

For the first time in his life, Ufthak Blackhawk laid eyes on an ork who might just be as impressive as Da Meklord.

‘Ta-daaa!’ Badrukk bellowed, as though he hadn’t just tellyported into the middle of his rival’s command structure, on his rival’s warship. The sheer guts of the git was jaw-dropping.

Da Meklord turned towards Badrukk with a clank of metal and a hiss of pistons. He looked thoroughly unimpressed, but he hadn’t powered up his supa-shoota or sent the triple heads of his shokkhammer whirling around each other, so violence wasn’t imminent.

‘Kaptin,’ Da Meklord growled. ‘I woz just telling da ladz about how we woz going to be havin’… a friendly kompetition.’

‘Dat’s right!’ Badrukk beamed, showing more teef than it should have been possible to fit into one gob. ‘Plenty of loot to go round down dere, I reckon. Of course, my ladz’ve had a bit of a head start, but dat should just help ya out! Cleared a few obstacles out da way, dat sort of fing.’

‘So we’re all gonna stomp da humies, an’ take dere tek,’ Da Meklord said. ‘An’ your boyz ain’t gonna be shootin’ mine in da back, right?’

‘So long as yours don’t shoot mine first,’ Badrukk leered back at him. ‘Dat would be a shame, when dere’s so many humies to go round.’

‘My forts exactly,’ Da Meklord agreed. ‘So we got a deal, den?’

‘We got a deal,’ Kaptin Badrukk said, nodding. ‘Last one to da gubbinz mucks out da squiggoffs!’ He clicked his fingers, and Mogrok did something. A moment later the temperature dropped again, crackling energy surrounded the freebooterz for a second, and then they were gone once more, as abruptly as they’d arrived.

Da Meklord turned towards his assembled nobs.

‘Get down dere, and wotever ya do, don’t let dat git’s boyz get to da good stuff before ya!’ His face broke into a grin every bit as toofy and menacing as the one that had graced the freebooter kaptin’s. ‘I fink dere’s gonna be a few “accidents” before we’re done ’ere, so make sure yer aiming at Badrukk’s ladz whenever ya fink yer gun might go off by mistake, like when dey’z between you and da best loot. Got it?’

Ufthak joined his voice to the others in a roar of assent to assure their warboss that they had indeed got it.

‘Good!’ Da Meklord drew himself up to his full, magnificent height, and filled his lungs.

‘Now get down dere, an’ get fightin’!’

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A BLACK LIBRARY PUBLICATION

First published in Great Britain in 2021.
This eBook edition published in 2021 by Black Library, Games Workshop Ltd, Willow Road, Nottingham, NG7 2WS, UK.

Represented by: Games Workshop Limited – Irish branch, Unit 3, Lower Liffey Street, Dublin 1, D01 K199, Ireland.

Produced by Games Workshop in Nottingham.
Cover illustration by Daz Tibbles.

Da Gobbo’s Revenge © Copyright Games Workshop Limited 2021. Da Gobbo’s Revenge, GW, Games Workshop, Black Library, The Horus Heresy, The Horus Heresy Eye logo, Space Marine, 40K, Warhammer, Warhammer 40,000, the ‘Aquila’ Double-headed Eagle logo, and all associated logos, illustrations, images, names, creatures, races, vehicles, locations, weapons, characters, and the distinctive likenesses thereof, are either ® or TM, and/or © Games Workshop Limited, variably registered around the world.
All Rights Reserved.

A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN: 978-1-80026-724-4

This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental.

For everyone who wanted more ork shenanigans:
Mork bless us, every one.