Public relations. It's all PR in the world of corporations and slimy trading consortia, and it took the Metatheran Cartel a long time to figure this out. Having recognized the "unfortunate occurrences" under the leadership of Velin Wir in Cularin, the Cartel has been attempting to put forth a good image to the public eye by sponsoring Podraces and engaging in various minor charitable activities. A recent ad campaign, featuring a too-familiar, too-happy, too-bizarre image of Thurm Loogg in the middle of a grain field, not only captures the essence of the Cartel's new attempt to present itself favorably, but also presents a piece of information that many citizens of Cularin found dubious, at best.

Hello, citizens of Cularin! I am Thurm Loogg, chief trade envoy to the Cularin system for the omnibenevolent Metatheran Cartel. It has come to our attention that a great many of our initiatives -- things that have significantly benefited Cularin -- have been twisted into awful, awful things, through a series of circumstances so unfortunate as to almost defy belief. But the Cartel has never had anything other than the best interests of Cularin at heart. The Cartel loves Cularin! You have been good to us in so many ways, and it would be silly for us to never return the goodness and love you have shown us.

Many of you are aware that we have been sponsoring Podracing in the system. The Cartel loves Podraces! We appreciate the vigor and excitement of the sport and enjoy watching you shoot at one another.

That is a joke! The Cartel does not love it when you shoot at one another!

Podracing is very festive. It brings out the best in the competitors of Cularin, and it allows us to reward those of you who have worked so hard to protect your beloved home from any perceived threats. I am only sorry that some of you do not seem to believe in the goodness that is in our hearts and in the love we bear each and every one of the citizens of Cularin.

Even our gifts to the system are often misconstrued. We have yet to capture the scoundrels who planted the transmitter aboard the ship we so graciously gifted you, but the evidence is such that we cannot help but conclude that someone was intent on making our offering into a threat. How cruel of the individual or group responsible! We have long suspected that the criminal element in Cularin has been set on undermining our operations, and this horrid attack on our glowing record smells greatly of criminals.

It was with some surprise that we learned of changes in the overall philosophy and strategic direction of the Metatheran Cartel during Cularin's strange absence. It was decided, at the highest levels of the organization, that perhaps one of the reasons we have enjoyed such mixed acceptance among the very people we see ourselves most directly serving is that you have no stake in our success or our failure. We have traditionally operated in a purely private capacity, and during my personal absence from the strategic planning commission, the group reached one of the wisest decisions in recent memory. It is therefore my pleasure to announce that, beginning in the new year, the Metatheran Cartel will be opening itself to public investment.

If you ever wondered what it was like to be part of so grand and wondrous an enterprise as the Metatheran Cartel, now is your time! We will be offering, at first in limited quantities, the opportunity to purchase shares of the Cartel. As we prosper, so will you prosper! It is the chance of a lifetime, this chance to buy into the Cartel, to become part of our grand and glorious organization that has spread throughout the galaxy. We are certain that if you do not buy in, your neighbors will buy up all the shares immediately. You do not want to be the only person in Cularin without a stake in the Metatheran Cartel, do you?

I know what you are saying. "But Chief Envoy Loogg, I do not make a great deal of money. How can I afford to purchase a piece of the wonderful Metatheran Cartel?" To this, we would point out that there are many ways in which you might make extra credits. We love when people work harder, so that they have more money to spend! Or, if you do not want to work harder, you could simply rob Cularin Central Finance.

That is also a joke! We do not love it when you rob Cularin Central Finance!

Perhaps you are saying, "But I am a Jedi, I do not make much money because my calling is much nobler than mere money. How can I afford to purchase a piece of the noble Metatheran Cartel?" The Cartel would love to have Jedi working for it, and if you wish to be part of our noble enterprise, we will be happy to discuss future employment opportunities with the Cartel once your training is complete. We are always in need of skilled negotiators, and you may one day decide that a more formal employment is to your liking. If so, the Cartel may be right for you!

However you do it, though, we encourage you to consider the investment. We have long been a part of Cularin, and now, Cularin can truly be a part of us. There is only so much growth that can occur in a system like Cularin without a strong, deep tie to the economic community. Similarly, there is only so much the Cartel can do without the acceptance of the people of Cularin.

So begin saving now, and when the Metatheran Cartel is open to public investment -- spend, spend, spend! And remember --

The Cartel loves you!