the Way of a

Seducer

a Code of Honor to a lost art

HANS COMYN

“I saw in his hand a long spear of gold, and at the iron’s point there seemed to be a little fire. He appeared to me to be thrusting it at times into my heart, and to pierce my very entrails; when he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out also, and to leave me all on fire with a great love of God. The pain was so great, that it made me moan; and yet so surpassing was the sweetness of this excessive pain, that I could not wish to be rid of it. The soul is satisfied now with nothing less than God. The pain is not bodily, but spiritual; though the body has its share in it, even a large one. It is a caressing of love so sweet which now takes place between the soul and God, that I pray God of His goodness to make him experience it who may think that I am lying.”

- St. Teresa of Ávila

Copyright © 2016 by Hans Comyn

Back cover photo by Pierre Debroux
Photo on front cover and on page II, Ecstasy of Saint Theresa, modified under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license. © 2015, Joaquim Alves Gaspar

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6b/Ecstasy_of_Saint_Teresa_September_2015-2a.jpg

Paintings by Christine Comyn
Cover design, layout and illustrations by Adam Lobo - www.eavstudio.com

Printed by Editura Karina

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

First Printing, 2016

ISBN 978-606-8514-81-9
Printed in Romania

FOREWORD

Seduction is of the essence.

It appears to me that at the heart of every failing relationship lies a lack of seduction and that our most severe frustrations come from a profound disenchantment, the feeling of not being able to seduce nor be seduced. Our partnerships, marriages, families and communities start to crumble the moment we stop seducing each other, and your self decays when you lose the aptitude to seduce or be seduced.

Seduction is the most natural cure for pain,

and a sublime manner in which to practice love.

It is the human way to adapt to new surroundings,

our last frontier,

and a gateway to liberation.

Seduction is the fastest track to spiritual enlightenment,

and your surest route to salvation.

Seduction gives meaning, seduction breathes life... It is the most difficult and artistic achievement of every encounter because, more than making us happy or horny, it fills us with wonder. It allows us to marvel at this magical world.

And yet, nearly always, seduction is articulated as a mere means to an end. Its exploration, almost exclusively, tries to answer the question ‘What works?’. We seem interested in seduction only as far as it provides us with the tools to take from the other what we covertly desire.

But what works in seduction is not my main concern.

What works in seduction is not the motif of this book.

To me, seduction is a form of art – the highest one - beautiful in its own regard, and to be explored and articulated for its own sake. I have devoted my life to it.

And the compass with which I have undertaken the voyage across the vast seas of this divine art is not efficiency, but integrity. I do not try to figure out what works; I wonder ‘What’s right?’. My main concern pertains to the right way for a man to seduce a woman. The noble way. The beautiful, artistic way. In seduction, nothing matters more than my honor.

Alas, there are no books on how to seduce with honor, and when I could not find the book I wanted to read, I decided to write it myself.

The Way of a Seducer is my code of honor on how to seduce. It is a credo to carve my path in the land of women and a manifesto to guide my journey through the art of seduction. This book is a poetic meditation on my integrity as a seducer, resulting in a collection of maxims and insights that serve as reminders to myself.

Surely, there exist numerous codes of conduct, some of them with obvious applications on how to seduce rightfully. I drew inspiration from the Bushido, for example, a code of conduct for Samurai, and I resonate with Il Cortegiano (The Book of the Courtier) by Baldassare Castiglioni, De Officiis (The Duties of a Gentleman) and De Oratore (On the Orator) by Cicero, or even with the Native American Code of Ethics.

To my knowledge, however, this is the first ever code of honor in seduction.

I wrote it because it felt right. As if I had to write this book.

All through my twenties and well into my thirties, I was not particularly popular with women. Every now and then, however, I attracted a beautiful woman, and once these women got to know me better, they rarely wanted to leave. I seemed to speak to their imagination.

In hindsight, I realize that my forte with women has been my ‘verticality’, as one of them called it. The fact that I would do everything to please her, but always for my own reasons. I could not accept when a woman crossed my boundaries, and would never sell my soul to her, however good-looking or beautiful. I was always prepared to leave and never feared being left.

Many years later, it crystallized to me that if a man is lacking in anything in order to tap into his full seductive prowess, he is lacking in integrity. Even when he is charming, and the kind of man she likes the company of and to converse with; if this man is not in the dreams of beautiful women, it is because he stands for nothing or very little. There is not much that he can be trusted for.

If this man wants to be a great seducer, his primary and overarching focus should be to discover and create – to carve – his integrity.

Throughout history and from what I have gathered on my travels, no great seducer was ever a moral guardian, but each one of them had strong integrity. I would go as far as saying that the abundance a woman experiences from her beauty, a man can only attain through fame or his integrity.

Everywhere in the world, women wonder: ‘Where have the real men gone?’.

What she is aching for, I believe, is a man of integrity, a man who stands for something. A man worthy of her trust. She wants to find a man she can trust enough to surrender to.

In this day and age, the invisible powers of the almighty mundane loom in every corner. They drag us down, suck our soul and kill us slowly.

Few of us wake up to the idea that to resist these powers is the fight of our lives. Something is not quite right, so we sense, but we have become so good at tolerating our plight that we end up giving in and settle for less than we dreamed of. Like frogs in gradually freezing water, growing more numb with every dropping degree.

A critical step in becoming a seductive man is to find and fight those drag-ons. To recognize their power and stand unwavering. To not give in, to never settle, or - if necessary – to fight back. To seduce is an act of rebellion.

A man committed to fight that battle till the bitter end instantly becomes the fantasy of beautiful women. Such a man grows from a man she likes the company of, to the man she cannot stop thinking about. That integrity is an indispensable condition for every glorious seduction. Such verticality is a prerequisite for a man to keep seducing his Woman.

A man has to be upright, so as to allow Her to be frivolous.

This book is a poetic depiction of my integrity at this point in time. It is a work in progress. My principles may not be sound, but I feel very strongly about them. I do not pretend to be right; I want to do what is right for me. I strive for personal goodness and moral elegance, not to set it in stone, but to start a tradition. My hope is that this book instigates the exploration of the seducer’s integrity and advances the art of seduction.

It may be obvious then, but bears repeating, that I am not a moral guardian. I have no desire to tell others what is right in general or right for them.

If the Way of a Seducer helps you shape your integrity, I am honored, but every man has to carve his own way into the land of women. With this book, I am carving mine.

Hans Comyn

Bucharest, 2017

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Foreword  V
Table of contents  IX

Thank you   XVI

Setting the Stage  01 - 21
Approaching Seduction

Stage One  22 - 46
Seduction as a practice in
self-expression

Stage Two  47 - 73
Exploring the open sea

about the author  75

Setting the Stage

Approaching Seduction

On seduction  3

On being seduced  4

On beauty  6

On women  7

We all seek to be seduced, and if life is about the beauty you beheld, then the ritual of seduction must be observed. I reclaim the allure of seduction as the poetry of the encounter, a sublime co-creation between the artist and his audience.  Women are not a problem to be solved, they are a mystery to revel in. Is there anything more artistic than the dance with Her?

On curiosity  9

On empathy  10

On questions  12

On truth  13
On trust  14

In order to be seduced, we must suspend our judgment and look at our world with new eyes. Être à l’écoute allows us to marvel at each other and stand in awe for the wonders that surround us. In this world, knowledge is of little concern, beauty has value besides truth, and your ability to seduce matters as much as your honesty.

On the art of seduction  17

On your way  20

On authenticity  21

Growing your seductive capacity is a spiritual journey into your authenticity - to find your voice while listening to the seduction at play. Everybody dreams their own dream and only when a man is at peace with his unique solitude, will he be able to tap into his full seductive prowess.

Stage One

Seduction as a practice in Self-expression

On your circumstances  24

On choice  25

On death  26
On meaning  27

On purity of mind  28

On what you want  29

On that journey, les excuses sont faites pour s’en servir. Nothing of what you believe to be true is a matter of truth, and what truly matters is the world you choose to live in. Life seems too short to waste it playing small, but for yours to be extraordinary, you must give it meaning. This designation requires daily grooming: to ignore your problems and to express your gratitude and your desire.

On intention  31

On preparation  32

On letting go  33

On losing  34

On disagreement  35

When you come to terms with your desires, and clear about what you want, life gives you exactly what you need. Set your intention, prepare the next encounter, then let go of everything you think you know and ought to do. It is in this sense that the matters of your greatest concern should be treated lightly. Love is about losing, and to be kind and graceful in loss sets you up for success.

On duty  37

On commitment  38

On joy  39

On acting anyway  40

On decisiveness  41

On outrage  42

On being sorry  43

On how to love  44

On vulnerability  46

Then, go forward and course correct. To seduce is first and foremost a commitment, and to fulfill his duty is a seducer’s pride and joy. He is resolved with acting anyway and going first into the unknown. He is decisive, bold, and unafraid to be vulnerable when saying “I love you” or “I am sorry”.

Stage Two 

Exploring the Open Sea

On the essence of seduction  49

On being a seducer  50

On celebrating her  51

On praise  52

On the conquest  53

There is a greater brutality to seduction than political correctness allows us to explore. As much as she is a treasure to be cherished, she is also quarry to be hunted down. Seduction sees the seducer sacrifice the self, and the seduced surrender, and when you conquer the heart of a woman through seduction, you set her spirit free. She becomes more of a woman, and you become more of a man.

On the dance  57

On the duel  58

Every glorious seduction is both a dance and a duel. It is in the encounter with a fascinating woman that your masculinity becomes apparent and is sculpted. A masterful seducer rises to the occasion and moves with serene determination. He takes his time, draws, fires, and hits.

On magnificence  60

On poetry  62

On rituals and ceremonies  63

On gratitude  64

On grace  65

For that man, God is not his problems nor his quest, but the magnificence of the seduction at play. It’s the only God he answers to. He dares to dream exuberantly and meets her in a realm where they can revel together, as there is no better occasion than the partaking in the ancient ritual of seduction to be both audacious and gracious. Imagine being at the service of this timeless dance.

On the language of women  67

On intuition  68

On presence  70

On economy of speech  71

On the end of things  72

When you serve the ceremony of seduction, you start understanding the language of women. You begin to sense your way through their land. You know how to seduce Her rightfully, and she will be on your side.

THANK YOU

Adam Lobo . Christine Comyn . Ana-Maria Chirica . Olivier Braet . Kristoffer Storjohann . John Kahmanian . Felix Fas Ghauri . Shogo Garcia . Pierre Debroux . Nicolas Lobo . Moneet Singh . Karina Bonta . Maria Dumitrache .

thank you for furthering this book with me.

Setting the Stage 

Approaching Seduction

ON SEDUCTION

Seduction is the poetry of the encounter,

an attestation of your dreams in daily life.

In a scientistic world,

devoid of ornament,

where everything is simply laid out and presented in the name of truth,

seduction sways and calls your name…

It is a much-craved counterweight

that hints upon,

invites,

and leads you into a hidden world.

A wondrous world.

A world where the senses feed the imagination,

facts are at the service of the story,

and all protagonists play in the name of beauty.

Is there anything more artistic than the seduction of a beautiful woman?

ON BEING SEDUCED

To be seduced is to be lost without losing.

Gone without the leaving.

A most graceful and fulfilling evanescence.

It is death without dying.

Seek to be seduced,

and let that which is seductive, fully seduce you.

Seek to be seduced

One should always seek to be seduced.

It is the only thing that matters, it is your number one concern.

So as not to succumb to the invisible powers of the almighty mundane,

which suck you in and drag you down,

one must seek to be seduced without respite.

But seduced by what?

By women, by beauty, music, poetry or virtue, as you please,

but seek to be seduced.

And when you find yourself stuck in traffic,

walking the bleak hallways of an office,

or yearning in the dark solitude of your room,

seduction fading or died out,

ask the wind, the birds, the waves, the stars, your Gods,

anything that whispers, sings, roars, shines or speaks to you,

ask them what to do.

And the wind, the birds, the waves, the stars, your Gods... they will all reply:

“Seek to be seduced!”

To not become martyred slaves of everything that is common,

seek to be seduced,

and be relentless in your pursuit!

By women, by beauty, music, poetry or virtue, as you please,

but seek to be seduced.

Adaptation of ‘Enivrez-vous’ by Charles Baudelaire

ON BEAUTY

Life is not about collecting toys.

Life is about the people you meet and the memories you make.

Life is about the beauty you have seen.

the landscapes that take your breath away

the song that sings to you

the woman you fell in love with

the joy you share with others

the bliss on your own face

Magic may be rare,

but beauty is everywhere.

Believe in beauty,

let it move you,

and always move towards it.

ON WOMEN

Trying to understand women is like staring into a starry night.

A man without a clue on how to look will experience only confusion,

whereas an astronomer will see perfectly clear.

The most brilliant way of all, though, is to behold Her beauty.

ON CURIOSITY

Are you curious about your life, or are you judgmental of it?

Does your desire to be surprised prevail over your need to know?

Are you in awe for the mystery of this magical world,

bearing witness to its beauty,

or are you trying to figure things out?

Do you desperately seek the answers to your questions,

or can you enjoy raising the issue and sharing your experiences, inclusive of others?

Are you frustrated for not getting it,

or do you realize you are exactly where you need to be, sitting in the question?

Are you enthusiastic about your journey in the land of women,

or do you attempt to take care of it once and for all?

Do you strategize how to get past women’s walls,

or do you share your curiosity, confusion and joy with her, reveling in the encounter?

Are you able to stay present and hold space?

Are you intent on taking, sharing, or giving?

Do you criticize the women in your life, or do you have empathy for them?

How prepared are you to alter the assumptions you have about them right now?

Do you waste your words on women who are not ready to listen, or do you save your light for where it is invited?

Have you labeled these words by now, filing them under ‘like’, ‘dislike’... or can you allow them to raise new questions?

Curiosity cures and is contagious.

Choose curiosity and it begets more curiosity.

Dare to love, dare to care, dare to be curious.

ON EMPATHY

To love is to suspend judgment.

Seduction, romance in marriage, eroticism and friendship, fidelity or loyalty, commitment versus freedom…

The relational and love issues we think, talk and write about have no transparency - they are not made of clearly delineated matters of fact. They are issues that affect us, matters of concern we want to explore and discuss.

Each topic generates an amazing pattern of emotions and disruptions, of confusion and misunderstandings. Each thing triggers new opportunities to passionately differ and dispute.

Yet, each discord also offers a chance to strengthen your affinity to the other.

We all share the desire to be heard, seen, felt,

and we are probably more akin to each other by that longing than by any other set of desires, beliefs, values, opinions, attitudes or principles.

We all crave empathy across the table.

We yearn for that shared experience.

And so each dialogue spawns new ways of connecting and achieving closure without having to agree on much else.

When you allow the other the space for personal expression.

When you are willing to understand, committed to connection.

When you are ready to listen, without judgment.

When you are à l’écoute.

That commitment to connection is the crux of our relationships.

Without empathy, all is lost.

With empathy, anything is possible.

Trying to find your way in love is like walking through a dark forest.

It feels better to hold someone’s hand,

even though you still have no clue where you are going.

ON QUESTIONS

While the answer is the weapon of choice either side of a dispute,

questions conceive a middle ground where two parties meet.

When the answer is overpowering, domineering, and short-circuiting the political process of making choices,

questions favor closure for all.

Where the answer makes all concerned lose in a self-righteous attempt to defeat the other,

questions allow for a win-win.

The answer is boring and disconnects, while questions are inter-esting, connecting humans with each other.

People do not gather around the answer; they gather around concerns.

The answer, then, is none of your concern.

Can you explore the ineffable without offering the answer?

ON TRUTH

Never let the truth get in the way of a good seduction.

Les faits sont faits.

Facts are as fabricated as artifacts,

there is no truth that is not human made,

and a man who prides himself on telling the truth is about to be exposed.

The truth is a metaphor in disrepair,

drained of its sensuous power,

and to tell the truth is an affliction, a rhetorical hatchet disguised as virtue,

that destroys both connection and seduction.

Everything you believe to be true is true, but there is no single truth that matters.

Let’s not kill the romance in the name of truth.

More than seeking the truth, be true to yourself and the other.

Sincerity is a virtue, and a seducer’s sincerity is with seduction.

ON TRUST

No seduction should be deterred by the truth,

but a seducer never plays with a woman’s heart.

What matters most here is that she trusts your word and to never betray that trust.

This is also the place of honesty.

Honesty is not simply laying out the truth or a one-sided decision to speak your truth.

Honesty is a relational approach, much more about not hiding your intentions and not being afraid to express your truth, than about bluntly speaking it.

In the pursuit of money, we abandoned beauty.

In the name of truth, we forgot the story.

In our zeal to be open, we stopped seducing.

If beauty is of any value next to truth,

then your ability to seduce matters as much as your honesty.

ON THE ART OF SEDUCTION

I see three phases in a life devoted to the art of seduction.

Three stages in becoming a masterful seducer.

The three stages differ from each other by the seducer’s focus and his intention when he encounters Her. Each phase can also be distinguished by the questions pondered.

In the beginning, a man looks to conquer that girl because he thinks she will provide him with something he misses. He attempts to please her in order to get from her what he thinks he needs.

He mulls over the question ‘Does she like me?’, and his behavior is rooted in scarcity and anxiety.

His focus is on her, but his intention is to take something from her for himself.

In this initial phase, it may look like he cares about her, but every persuasion is really about him.

A man in this early phase can hardly be called a seducer, as he contributes to the bad reputation of this sacred art.

In the middle stage, a man turns his focus inward. Instead of fixating on getting with her, he concentrates on his own growth, and women become secondary to the expression of himself.

When a man directs some of that self-reflection to the art of seduction, he seeks to understand how he can grow as a seducer. He shifts his attention from skills and techniques - trying to say and do the things that work - to expanding his seductive traits and becoming his most captivating self.

He asks himself ‘What do I want?’, ‘How can I become a better seducer?’,

‘Does this girl help me thrive?’… ‘Do I like her?’. His anxiety ebbs away as he experiences more abundance, and he grows in self-acceptance and love.

In other words, the seducer shifts his focus from her to himself, but it remains his intention to get from her what he wants, or thinks he needs.

A man in this intermediate phase can be called a seducer, as he attracts the women that are good for him, and he shares memorable experiences with them.

There is a third stage however - the most magnificent of all - but nearly all of us are too self-absorbed to ever attain this level. We never tap into our full seductive prowess.

In this last phase, the seducer shifts his intention and focus outward, toward Her and the seduction at play. He discovers the beauty and power of self-effacing attentiveness and cultivates himself in order to be at the service of the seduction.

When a seducer loves himself enough, he gains the strength to look outward and give.

He gets a sense of the ancient dance of seduction and how to adjust his steps to each woman that accepts his invitation. He moves from taking, then sharing, to giving, and seduction becomes his way to practice love.

As in the initial phase, the seducer focuses on her, but no longer out of scarcity and anxiety, but from a place of abundance and love.

In this final phase, a man wonders ‘What can I do to make Her shine?’, and ‘What is my role in this seduction?’... ‘How can I be of service to You?’.

Artistic seduction does not feed off the insecurities of the other; it provides pleasure and makes the partner radiate.

In his pursuit of mastery, this man is able to seduce more and more women, much like an adroit dancer who makes each of his partners look like a star, even if they have never danced before.

This ultimate stage is the stage of beauty. The seducer no longer looks at seduction as a finite piece of knowledge to be completed but as the infinite accretion of experiences with beauty.

He has no thoughts of pride but with gratitude and delight he looks for mystery, he looks to be enchanted, to be seduced... he seeks beauty.

This man knows the Way of a Seducer to the end.

If your goal is only to get with girls, to take from women, then whatever you can take or get away with, loses meaning as soon as you get it. However, when you seek to get women, to become a seducer and to give the gift of seduction, you enter a realm of ever-increasing gratification.

ON YOUR WAY

Seduction is initially an exercise in self-expression, and the Way of a Seducer is in carving your own, authentic approach to meeting, connecting, and relating to women.

Nobody can teach you your seductive ways. Nobody can pave the path for you, and you should never allow it. It is your way and yours alone. In every encounter with Her, search for yourself, by yourself.

You have the right to make your own mistakes. In fact, it is your duty, so if it all ends up in the valley of tears, at least you know they are your own.

Somebody else can inspire you to shape your own way, walk part of the path with you, but the quest for your own authentic approach to seduction is ultimately a very solitary one.

Everybody dreams their own dream, and maybe no solitude is as profound as that of a seducer carving his way into the land of women, but only when he accepts that he is fundamentally alone, will he be able to seduce and be seduced.

When a man is at peace with his unique solitude, he is able to learn from different ways, and be more and more in accord with himself.

Then, through his encounters, he will find his seductive ways.

He will come into his own.

ON AUTHENTICITY

Your authentic self is your attractive self,

and no better occasion than the encounter with a beautiful woman for your authenticity to become apparent and be sculpted.

It is in these encounters that you discover and create your authenticity.

It is in this manner, that you carve your attractive self.

Stage One

Seduction as a practice in Self-expression

ON YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES

Everything you believe to be true is true.

Everything you believe to be true about your life, your past, your circumstances, this encounter, about That Woman… is true.

It is all true, and it does not matter.

What matters is what you want your life to look like.

What matters is the world you choose to live in.

You are not held down by your specific circumstances or commitments.

Not by your past, your problems, lack of skill or confidence.

What keeps you back is that you have chosen to disregard your most compelling urges to move forward anyway. You have forborne listening to your heart’s desire. You are not committed to what you want.

So, what do you ache for?

What is your supreme concern?

What matters more than anything else?

Allow the answer to pull you forward,

and discover that where there’s a will, there’s a way.

ON CHOICE

Choose choice.

To escape the clamp of your circumstances and beat the baton of luck,

make a decision today that everything you do is the issue of your choice.

A seducer does not simply float around in life,

waiting and wishing to get lucky.

He does not merely react.

He does not whine, complain or seek pity.

He does not blame others, call upon his commitments or his circumstances.

He does not make excuses.

He celebrates that he is ultimately and unequivocally in charge of his choice, and makes sure there is no discrepancy between what he wants to do and what he thinks he has to do.

He chooses the world he lives in.

ON DEATH

Life is so short, you’ll be damned if you waste it playing small.

Death is always at your door, and you would be remiss to act as if you are going to live forever. The clock is ticking…

To accept and be mindful of your forthcoming death - not fearing it - will give you the impetus to move forward with immediacy, love and strength.

You will let what does not matter truly… slide… away.

If you were constantly cognizant of your pending death,

would you not chase your dreams with all the fervor you can summon?

Would you not go with all your might after what you love and let it kill you?

Would you settle for good enough with your partner?

Would you be afraid to go and talk to that girl?

When wise to your imminent death, problems disappear.  Circumstances stop holding you back. Excuses, you no longer make.

Consider yourself every day as dead, find in it the answer to what you ache for, and let it beckon you. Let it seduce you in all respects.

To find something worth dying for makes it magical to live.

ON MEANING

A man’s chance for salvation comes the day he finds relevance,

the day he can attribute meaning to his life.

Information is cheap, but meaning is priceless.

The open sea awaits us all...

ON PURITY OF MIND

Purity of mind is all-powerful.

Purity of mind grants you enthusiasm and builds the strength to carry you through hard times.

Cultivate your will to power by purifying your mind.

Most men lack in enthusiasm and strength because they are constantly distracted.

They are scattered and lack in focus. Their mind is not pure.

The first step to becoming good at anything is to become focused.

The first step to becoming focused is to minimize complications.

Declutter your life.

Stop doing what you do not love.

Renounce the things that do not matter.

Get rid of it all: the stuff, the toxic relations, the activities that have no relevance, the inhibiting thoughts.

Purify.

This requires your daily attention and grooming.

As your affairs thin out, you will grow in pureness, your spirit will become unyielding.

As you grow in purity of mind, you will attend to the matters that matter.

You will know exactly what to do next.

ON WHAT YOU WANT

No question is more important than ‘What do I want?’.

It is in this sense that to thine own self you must be true.

You cannot beat the Mark inside,

and when you choose for yourself, you choose for all men.

To put your oxygen mask on first is the ultimate act of altruism.

Nothing has such driving force for a seducer as knowing what he wants and accepting his desires. When you know what you want, how to get it takes care of itself.

And yet, while knowing what you want is your greatest catalyst for growth,

it becomes an impediment if you are attached to getting what you want.

I do not know life, life knows me.

When I think I know what I want,

life gives me exactly what I need.

Grace yourself with the trust that life presents perfection and knows what you need, better than you do.

ON INTENTION

A seducer considers what it means to be a seducer each day and in

every encounter.

The intention of a seducer is to always take on his role in the seduction at play and to make her shine.

The intention of a seducer is to ignite the imagination of a beautiful woman and have her forever speak well of him.

ON PREPARATION

A seducer always prepares the next seduction.

Above all, you must consider yourself as dead.

To be wise to your death is the best mindset for success.

Then, become clear about the success you aspire to.

When you are ready for anything, you are prepared for nothing.

Next, act appropriately. Take the next step, in accordance with the fortune you foresee.   

This primarily means to arrange your life in such a way that it facilitates your seductive success. Move away, go out, dance… do whatever it takes to find yourself more often in the company of the women that fascinate you.

This also means to take care of logistics.

Privacy is pivotal because seduction ultimately is a very intimate affair, and intimacy requires privacy. If she does not feel comfortable enough to scream as loud as she can, you do not have enough privacy.  

What success are you prepared for?

ON LETTING GO

Prepare as best as you can, then - in the encounter - let go of everything you think you know, and everything you think you ought to do.

Letting go is the ultimate act of love, like a mother letting go of her child.

To let go of a result in seduction.

To not scrutinize the interaction.

To be resolved beforehand with whatever outcome.

Desire with all your might, but do not dwell on it.

Do everything you can to attain the success you foresee, but be graceful in loss.

Only prepared, will you be able to let go of the outcome.

Only prepared, will you be able to relax and rise to the occasion of encountering a beautiful woman.

Only prepared, will you be graceful in loss, and only then every failed seduction will be the best preparation for the next one.

Only prepared, life will grant you more than what you think you want;

it will give you what you need.

ON LOSING

Love is about losing.

Life in the land of women is about losing.

How resilient are you in the face of loss?

What do you do when push comes to shove?

Can you bear your burden?

How do you not react when she pretends to be offended?

How quickly do you look for a ‘yes’ when you just got a ‘no’?

Can you move forward when you have a disagreement with the woman in your life?

Every rejection is an opportunity to recover.

Every woman seduced by someone else a chance to be on the side of lovers.

Every disagreement an invitation to practice love.

Every conflict creates a space to grow your connection, your friendship, your bond.

A broken heart is the ideal moment to show you are a lover and not a victim.

A shattered ego the perfect time to expand your heart.

Love is about losing.

Do not run away from failure.

Do not try to avoid it.

Do not ignore it.

Do not try to forget it.

Every failure is beautiful, and every loss can be the beginning and incitation for more glory.

If you choose to seize the opportunity you have just been given.

Love is about losing.

ON DISAGREEMENT

A relationship starts with its first disagreement.

Disputes with your partner are much more than a necessary evil;

they are crucial gateways to growth,

fundamental opportunities to relate and connect.

Adversity is the best time for solidarity,

and every discord a chance to strengthen the bond of loyalty.

How gracefully do you fight with your loved ones?

ON DUTY

The Way of a Seducer is first and foremost a commitment. It is a way you choose to conduct yourself in the land of women.

Neither skill nor confidence is in order here.

Courage is. Discipline is. Duty is.

Duty entails deliberate action rather than an emotional reaction. It calls for behavior prompted by commitment more than by sentiment.

And yet, duty does not encompass obligation.

For a man qui assume sa vie, there is no discrepancy between what he wants to do and what he thinks he ought to do. There is an alignment between duty and desire; he desires and commits to live by a code of conduct. To live and love dutifully, rather than to be contriving, is his choice, and to fulfill his duty is his pride and joy.

So many men are concocting... to get from women what they think they want, to win at the game of love and romance.

As they manipulate, they lack in duty, and a man lacking in duty is not equipped to seduce a woman. He may know how to pick up a girl, but he will never be able to fulfill a man’s task: to capture the heart and imagination of a beautiful woman.

The Way of a Seducer is to discharge your duty as a man.

To embrace your masculinity and proclaim your love for women.

To follow your own path and be a master of ceremony for the seduction at play.

To seduce Her.

To make that commitment will set you free, and to fulfill your duty will allow magic to happen.

ON COMMITMENT

Always honor your commitments.

Be selective, deliberate and decisive about what you commit to, because when you commit to something, the alternative is no longer an option.

A seducer is a man of his word,

and he is never so negligent as to break his promises or to dishonor his commitments.

ON JOY

Do what you enjoy. Enjoy what you do.

Every emotion can be a detonator and catalyst for growth, but you need joy to keep going, and the success of any endeavor is a direct reflection of the enthusiasm with which it is undertaken and carried out.

It is in this sense that the matters of your greatest concern should be treated lightly. You must enjoy them.

Do not wait for success to bring you joy; let your joy grant the success you envision. Once you enjoy it, you get it.

To master the art of seduction means to realize the infinite potential for growth, and that the only sense of arrival you will ever get is to feel you are on the right track.

A seducer rejoices in that realization and knowledge is none of his concern. He sits in the question, seeks the answer, but is not hell-bent on finding it. He finds joy in the not knowing, in the experience of mystery and beauty. He seeks to be enchanted, merrily.

More than anything, he revels in the encounter with a beautiful woman.

ON ACTING ANYWAY

The strength of a seducer is in his readiness to take action.

When you hesitate, act anyway.

A man who fails to take action has no worth. He will never become a better seducer.

Yet, rare is a man smart enough to stop thinking.

The difference between a mediocre and a grand life is in acting anyway.

The difference between success and failure is not the absence of fear.

It is not confidence, not a certain belief or a skill set.

It is the willpower, commitment and discipline to act anyway.

Confidence then is a consequence of such action, not its prerequisite.

Are you going to think, or are you going to live?

Are you committed to be good with women, or are you just saying it?

Your actions will tell.

The first step in becoming good with women is to stop considering her reaction. The first step is to act anyway and show up dutiful, even in the face of sure rejection. A seducer does not measure his success by her reaction, but by the way he contributes to the seduction at play.

Regret about what you have done may be painful but the regret over what

you failed to do never ceases.  So when in doubt, it is better to dash in headfirst.

By acting anyway, you will break free from your shackles, and new worlds will open up.

ON DECISIVENESS

The Way of a Seducer is one of decisiveness and immediacy.

It is better to make a decision now and to change your mind later, than to make no decision at all.

When you see a woman who captures your heart, let her know.

When you feel something is wrong, bring it up.

When something keeps bothering you, cut it out of your life.

If you put off addressing issues until later, you will be careless all your life,

and carelessness is inimical to seduction.

Even when waiting for the right moment,

remain decisive and prepared to act swiftly.

ON OUTRAGE

Á la folie. To insanity.

Life is too short to try to appear sane,

and salvation only comes to those who went astray.

Most great men were rebels,

because a man of strong vitality allows himself to be outrageous at times.

On the other hand, a man who is proper - who lives by someone else’s standards - will never do extraordinary things. Common sense never leads to magnificence.

When one has become fearless in seduction, then good things come to those who wait. When you are resolved to act swiftly, you can move with calm determination.

Before that time, however, and every time you are in doubt,

the Way of a Seducer is in outrage, insanity and helplessness.

To be defenseless in your love for women.

To become fanatic in your desire to be seductive.

When committing to become a seducer, and in simply refusing to abandon your endeavor before you are successful, you gain the strength to see it through.

An insane man is unstoppable, and a man helpless in his love for women, is deadly seductive.

After all, in matters of love and romance you have nothing to lose but your ego, and what you lack in skill, you can only make up for with enthusiasm, passion and outrage.

How helpless are you in your desire?

How fierce are you in your engagement?

ON BEING SORRY

A seducer is not apologetic, but the first to say sorry.

Say sorry and set it straight.

Being right or wrong has very little to do with this.

ON HOW TO LOVE

Go out and meet women.

Desire women. Worship them. Get nervous and talk to Her anyway.

Absolutely love, love, love women.

Celebrate the whole of womanhood in every woman you meet.

Get rejected. Lose gracefully. Talk to more women. Date every woman who wants to date you.

Ask them everything you want to know about love.

Listen. Listen beyond her words. Make up your own mind.

Fall madly in love. Feel everything you are invited to feel.

Kiss. Kiss some more. Kiss as often as you can.

Stop trying to be cool. Blurt. Mess it up. Feel sick to your stomach.

Share your sadness. Share your fear. Share your enthusiasm.

Open up your heart and be the first to say ‘I love you’.

Be the boyfriend, be the husband... make love your supreme concern.

Feel exhilaration, feel hurt, lost and stupid... have your heart broken, leave each other with dignity, be down in the dumps, forgive, pick yourself up, and do it all over again.

To give all in love,

without regard for a broken heart,

is rarely reciprocated.

However,

to hold back for fear the other will give less,

proves you right every single time.

Don’t hedge your bets.

It is better to trust and be betrayed,

than to mistrust and find out you were right.

If you try to avoid entanglements or every encounter from going to ruin,

not one of them will be memorable.

A man who does not want to get hurt in love will never be blessed by beauty.

However,

a man who seeks to be struck not by an everyday woman,

but rather by a woman of beauty,

will bear witness to marvelous glory,

especially in loss.

ON VULNERABILITY

A man who stands for something can allow himself to be vulnerable in Her presence.

He has gained the liberty to be a slave to women.

Such a man is free to portray a helpless desire without appearing needy, and he becomes invaluable to beautiful women because of his fascination, not in spite of it.

A woman is attracted to a man for his strength, but she loves him for his weaknesses.

To seduce, as much as being seduced, is to be vulnerable.

Stage Two

Exploring the Open Sea

ON THE ESSENCE OF SEDUCTION

Seduction thrives on the juxtaposition of absence to presence.

Distance to intimacy.

Separation to union.

Frustration to fulfillment.

Allusion to openness.

Adventure to comfort.

Danger to safety.

Brutality to kindness.

There is no paradox to be solved,

there is a juxtaposition to be constantly managed.

Not by finding a balance or a middle ground,

but by exploring the edges.

To undulate back and forth between the extremes is a prerequisite for its functioning.

This is the way to ignite her imagination and keep the romance alive.

This is how a seducer makes Her feel he is ruthless and She is cared for.

This is how he keeps seducing his Woman.

This is the right way to make it work.

ON BEING A SEDUCER

You are always a seducer, even in your dreams.

When a man seduces only the women he is attracted to, he cannot be called a seducer.

When he deprives the less alluring women of his charm, he fails them, he fails all women, he fails the Gods of seduction.

He also fails himself as he will never realize his full seductive potential,

and when the encounter with a beautiful woman comes, there will be no time to make amends.

If a man does not exert his seductive prowess with less fascinating women, he will never be found in the heart and dreams of a beautiful woman either.

A seducer never turns it off. He never has to turn it on.

To seduce is not an act, a performance or a skill.

To seduce is a way of living, a way of being, a way of moving through the world, a way of moving through life.

The Way of a Seducer is through seduction.

ON CELEBRATING HER

Women are treasures to be cherished and celebrated.

Celebrate all of womanhood in every woman you encounter.

This is your duty.

This is how to practice love.

To celebrate the woman you met does not require knowing her, it needs your empathy.

All it depends upon is your decision to celebrate the feminine spirit of this fantastic creature.

A man of duty has gained the freedom to be a slave to his desire for women, and celebrate them accordingly. His fascination with women is his weakness, and women will love this man because he proclaims this love, not in spite of it.

ON PRAISE

While it is important to celebrate all of womanhood in every woman you meet,

it is not a good idea to praise her carelessly.

With empty praise you deprive a woman of her chance to be seductive.

Many good-looking women no longer know how to be beautiful.

They forgot how to seduce because they are constantly praised, carelessly.

Empty praise is the tactic of a conniver, concealing an attempt to get something from her in return for his acclaim.

She does not need your empty praise, what she longs for is your presence.

ON THE CONQUEST

Women are not only treasures to be cherished and celebrated.

They are also prey that needs to be conquered.

While it is important to demonstrate seductive valor with the less attractive women through charm, it is equally important to reserve your most seductive arrows for the woman you are fascinated by.

Mark her for pursuit and hunt her down.

A woman’s strongest desire is to find a man she can trust enough to surrender to.

With that man she craves the freedom of being unable to say ‘no.’

A man’s strongest aspiration is to be able to seduce the woman he is captivated by.

When you conquer the heart of a beautiful woman,

when you gain her love through seduction,

you set her spirit free.

She feels like a woman and you become a man.

Seducing a beautiful woman is like a leopard taking an antelope.

Even though it may leap into the midst of a herd,

the leopard gives no attention to any antelope other than the one it first set its sights on.

He gets as close as possible, then makes a brief and explosive surprise charge, pouncing on his prey and subduing it with a bite to the neck.

Focus and, while waiting, do not hesitate to strike.

Be unyielding in your attack.

It is never non-seductive to pursue Her. She wants to feel chosen.

What is non-seductive is being attached to the kill.

While giving all in the chase, be graceful in loss. Don’t pursue past the point of surprise.

flirting with fire and fable

a mystery creature living in the forest

hiding, but not hiding danger

yet she – especially Her – cannot help but to find out

and a warned woman is worth a beautiful one

“Do not come any further,”

retreating...

“for I will not chase you – your interest in me is your own.”

but the concrete forest comes to life

while the world suddenly seems so mundane

the creature does not seem so scary anymore

and willingly She succumbs

ON THE DANCE

Seduction is not a solo performance,

it is a dance for two.

Once you recognize this dance, you will understand your role as a man.

Show up at the dance, invite her, lead the dance, taking her to places she likes to go.

Picture holding up your arm, giving her room to twirl… The man creates a space and invites her to shine in it, but it is the woman who decides whether or not to accept that invitation.

It is your role to make her sparkle. The better a dancer you become, the stronger your invitation and the more women you can let shine. A master seducer, then, can make radiate in glory a woman who never danced before.

ON THE DUEL

Seduction is a dance, but the encounter with a beautiful woman is in many ways also a duel.

As if swinging into a one-on-one showdown.

Of course there is tension.

Of course you are in the dark about what you need to do.

But this is it.

A seducer lives for this encounter. This is what he prepares for.

Even though he seduces at all times, he shows what he is made of when he encounters a woman who takes his breath away.  He rises to the occasion.

The secret to seduction is timing.

Draw too soon, you jerk and miss. Hastiness exposes your level of self-absorption and makes seduction impossible. Don’t try to beat your time.

However, draw too late, and you’re shot down.

Take your time. Calm your mind, become fully present, and the darkness will lit up like a night by a pale moon. You will move with serene determination. You will unleash all your seductive powers and do the right thing.

You will draw, fire, and hit.

ON MAGNIFICENCE

Always aim for more magnificence.  As soon as you strive to shine, you have luster.

Don’t try to stay humble. Don’t play small in the name of modesty.

Be grand, exceptional, audacious in your aspirations.

Then, and only then, life will do the humbling for you.

Hubris may come before the fall, but being falsely modest will never lift you from the clutching powers of the almighty mundane. To rigorously aspire to more greatness is sometimes hard, but the regret over what might have been will haunt you forever.

A man of conviction then is a man who - although he may not know his purpose, where he is going, what the path looks like, or even what the next step is - has chosen and knows that he has chosen to seek more sublimity.

And so a seducer always suggests magnificence. He gives the impression that he is doing something exceptional. That she is exceptional. That what they have is exceptional. He does not feed her information, he ignites her imagination.  He transforms himself into a beautiful spectacle for her to contemplate. He lets her marvel in and with him.

Every seducer is also a romantic, and while romanticism does not entail blindness to the imperfections of what is, it does require the unrelenting aspiration to more magnificence. To hold every encounter to that higher standard inspires it to be extraordinary.

So speak to the woman who is dying to live. Drop your mask first, cut the chit-chat, go beyond the socially conditioned rhetoric, and share about the things you ache for.

Be sincere, authentic, raw and grandiose. Have panache! Sustain the illusion with marvelous grace if you must. The better you become at being your magnificent self, the stronger your invitation will be for her to do the same.

You become invincible, and She will be seduced.

ON POETRY

In order to be romantic,

To surmount the prosaic:

ritualize your routines

poetize your presence

sanctify your stories.

ON RITUALS & CEREMONIES

The day we lost our rituals, we lost in mindfulness.

The day we gave up our ceremonies, we forfeited our diligence.

Take away someone’s dreams, and they will die.

Bereave them of rituals and ceremonies, and they will be among the living dead.

This is, however, a blessing in disguise.

We are presented with a unique occasion: since we are not born into them, we are free to design the rituals and ceremonies we want.

Our modern lives are unmoored in more ways than one,

and what better way to anchor them than through a conceived honor,

a carved integrity, and our very own rituals and ceremonies?

Chosen rituals and ceremonies carry a greater potential than the ones that are handed down to us. They have more mindfulness on offer.

The Way of a Seducer is in conceiving, choosing and creating our own rituals and ceremonies in order to grow in dedication.

And what better ritual to observe than the ancient dance of seduction?

To be a seducer is to be a master of ceremony for the seduction at play.

ON GRATITUDE

Gratitude grows the strength you need to fulfill your heart’s desire,

and as Casanova said, there is no honest woman with an uncorrupted heart whom a man is not sure of conquering by a dint of gratitude.

ON GRACE

Wake up and pause.

Consider who you are today and what you want your life to look like.

Set intention for the day.

Shower, brush your teeth, be aware of your movements.

Get completely dressed.

Watch the sun come up over the hills.

Be grateful for this day.

Make your bed.

Walk down the stairs with deliberate steps.

Greet the people you are living with.

Make some coffee. Make breakfast. Invite the others to share it with you.

Say grace.

Ask them about their upcoming day.

Eat slowly.

Clean up the kitchen.

Remember your heart’s desire, what you truly love.

Remember the thing you ache for.

Pace yourself. Count your blessings.

Start working at a set time.

Be completely focused. Be good in what you are doing. Functional beauty.

Use your words wisely.

Be kind and polite, elegant and decisive.

Make no excuses.

Remain purposeful.

Enjoy your journey, enjoy every moment.

Feel the rhythm.

Embrace the ceremony. Respect the ritual.

Close off your day.

Leave no trace.

Have grace.

ON THE LANGUAGE OF WOMEN

Women speak a different language than men.

To the extent that understanding women is pertinent to mastering the art of seduction, it is best to say that women speak their own language.

A language that is highly contextual.

A language of sub-communication.

A language of conspiracy… with you.

Decide to tune into this language and you will start hearing it.

As soon as you start hearing it, you will start speaking it,

and once you start speaking the language of women, they will be on your side.

ON INTUITION

A seducer senses his way through the land of women.

Intuition is instinct sharpened through experience, and to hone your craft of seduction till it is intuitive, you have to create experiences in the land of women.

There is no magic pill. There is no shortcut. Nobody earns a black belt from just reading about martial arts. Nobody becomes a great dancer only by observing it. You can learn some basic steps, but you will become a great dancer mainly by dancing.

So, set your intentions and create experiences in the land of women: Act anyway. Blurt. Express your desire. Proclaim your love for women. Invite. Push the envelope. Take the next step outside your comfort zone. Be more alive and animated. Practice, practice, practice.

Love is about losing, and the unsuccessful days will add up to something.

The evenings you went out alone, standing against the bar for hours on end.

The countless rejections. That girl you really liked who went for another guy. The encounters with those girls you would not want to be seen with. The kisses you would rather not remember, and the girls you thought you had to run away from in the morning or even before the midnight hour.

They are your becoming.

They grow your intuition.

When you set intentions and create experiences, you will become aware of the age old rhythm of women and men.  You will recognize the patterns of the timeless dance of seduction. You will observe and partake in this ancient ritual.

You will become a master of ceremony, and know exactly what to do next - what to say, how to look, how to stand, when, where and how to touch.

You will find your way. You will find your voice.

You will find better ways to express your most magnificent self and your invitation to her will become impossible to decline. You will get it, and you will get Her.

ON PRESENCE

Once you are no longer afraid to act anyway and show up, then you can do less. Past the anxiety to start walking and start talking, beyond the fear to express your desire and speak your truth, you can do less rather than more. A master of ceremony facilitates in the background.

In the encounter, being is more than enough.

Because while you are thinking of what to say and what to do next, you are losing your number one seductive quality:

your presence.

Surely, nothing is more important than this encounter with Her.

Surely, there is nothing else than this present moment with Her.

Be true to the encounter with this woman right now.

Be attentive to the seduction at play, and avoid distraction.

Enter into nothing else, least of all in your head trying to figure out what is going on and what your next move should be.

Be in each instant with all your might, embrace it all, suck it dry, fix it forever in yourself, but never dwell on it… let it go graciously, without clinging, without regret.

Be present with her and she will become a present to you.

Listen to the silence at the core of this encounter. It will not fail you.

ON ECONOMY OF SPEECH

Like music, seduction thrives on the space between words.

The essence of seductive speech is in not speaking at all.

If you think that you can finish a conversation without speaking or writing,

end it without wasting another word.

Always be communicating, but talk less.

Paucity of words fuels their seductive prowess.

ON THE END OF THINGS

Something is born in order for it to die.

With every encounter, the end of things matters more than anything else, and it should be considered in every moment.

Fewer things are of greater importance to a man than to have women speak well of him, and is it not so that a woman’s embrace of her lover largely depends on the grace with which he bids her farewell?

Therefore, never go to sleep holding resentment toward your lover,

and when you leave her, always linger as to suggest reluctance.

Mark every occasion of parting with a farewell.

Every relationship has an expiration date, and when you try to hold on and draw it out past that date, it will have an unpleasant ending. When a relationship is destined to end, it is best to part from each other with good grace.

Letting go is the ultimate act of love. Be prepared to let go graciously and women will continue to speak well of you… and when you are wise to its ending, your relationship will have a better chance of lasting forever.

Make good connections your priority over lasting relationships,

and always ensure your words measure up as the last ones ever spoken.

I am filled with silence.

I love Life.

I trust it with all my heart.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hans Comyn is a modern renaissance man . artist . athlete . intellectual . seducer  . writer . musician . philosopher . public speaker . traveler . cyclist . rebel . courtier .

He is co-creating community around the issues of love, romance and seduction.

get involved at hanscomyn.com

If we want to feel alive and passionate again,
iT is time to reclaim the art of seduction.

The Way of a Seducer is a code of honor to this lost art and sees in a seduction, based on integrity rather than manipulation, the secret to every thriving relationship, including the one we have with ourselves.

This book will change the way you look at your relationships forever.

“The Way of a Seducer beautifully blends a strong message of integrity, honor, and courage with the gentle essence of vulnerability, playfulness, and wonder. This book is unlike any other book I’ve ever read. Days after reading it, I’m still dwelling on its ideas as I interpret experiences through the lens of seduction, and seduction is everywhere.”

- Steve Pavlina, author of Personal Development for Smart People

“A poetic glimpse at the spiritual dimension of seduction. Lovely illustrations and text and many thoughtful insights.”

- Betsy Prioleau, author of Swoon: Great Seducers and Why Women Love Them

“Hans Comyn has written a timelessly beautiful book about the most compelling of subjects. For men and women alike, it is a clarion call to the truth of who you really are. Highly recommended.”

- Jamie Smart, author of the Sunday Times Bestseller RESULTS: Think Less, Achieve More

WHAT IS NEXT FOR YOU?

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