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World of Warcraft - Outland PVP (EU) - Torporr (name) 2 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,542 were the color of muddy puddles; 3 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,712 her birthmark, the color of poo. 4 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,895 It was Saturday afternoon, and she was bored. 5 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:12,067 Mary wished she had a friend to play piggybacks with. 6 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,331 Mary's mood ring, 7 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:29,084 which she'd found in a cereal box, was gray, 8 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,962 which, according to the chart, 9 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:34,381 meant she was either pensive, 10 00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:39,219 unconsciously ambitious, or hungry. 11 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,388 Her only friends were the Noblets 12 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,390 from her favorite cartoon. 13 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:46,059 They weren't the real ones you bought in the shops 14 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,603 but fake ones that she had to make herself 15 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:52,315 from shells, gumnuts, pompoms, 16 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:55,819 and the chicken bones salvaged from Friday night's takeaway. 17 00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,988 She had to make all her own toys, 18 00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:00,282 and her favorites were shrinkies, 19 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:05,078 potato chip packets that she had shrunk in the oven. 20 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:12,294 Mary's father, Noel Norman Dinkle, 21 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:17,466 worked in a factory attaching the strings to tea bags. 22 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,384 At show-and-tell, she told the class 23 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:23,930 he could get as many free tea bags as he wanted. 24 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:29,478 Her favorite tea bag was Earl Grey. 25 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:33,982 She loved saying, "Earl Grey," 26 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:39,988 and would like one day to marry someone called Earl Grey. 27 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,948 They would live in a castle in Scotland, 28 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,576 have nine babies, two ducks, 29 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,954 and a dog called Kevin. 30 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:51,208 Noel's hobby was to sit in his shed 31 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:54,044 and drink Bailey's Irish Cream 32 00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:58,423 and stuff birds he'd found on the side of the freeway. 33 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:02,010 Mary wished he'd spend more time with her 34 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,638 and less with his dead friends. 35 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:08,725 She also wished she had some brothers and sisters. 36 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:12,812 Her mother had told her she was an accident 37 00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:16,149 How could someone be an accident? 38 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:21,321 Grand-Poppy Ralph had told her that babies were deliberate, 39 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:25,825 and found by dads at the bottom of their beer 40 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:29,829 Grand-Poppy Ralph had smelt like pickled onions 41 00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:31,248 and had been a member 42 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:35,043 of the Frankston Ice Breakers for 51 years. 43 00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:41,091 They swam in winter to feel alive. 44 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:46,513 Grand-Poppy Ralph had said it made his nipples erect 45 00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:49,975 He had died the year before, aged 74, 46 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,560 and his best mate, Ken, 47 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:55,105 had recited a poem in his honor 48 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:58,733 - "Born in a barn in the hills of Boronia, 49 00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:04,030 Ralph lived a long life, then died of pneumonia." 50 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,825 Mary missed him and often wondered 51 00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,953 why he had drunk ammonia. 52 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,372 A lot of things puzzled Mary, 53 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:18,128 especially her mother, Vera Lorraine Dinkle. 54 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:22,591 To Mary, Vera always seemed wobbly. 55 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,968 - A pretty vicious pull, that one. 56 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:26,720 And he's out! 57 00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:30,181 Vera liked listening to the cricket while baking, 58 00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:34,227 and her main ingredient was always sherry. 59 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,482 She told Mary it was a type of tea 60 00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:43,528 for grown-ups that needed constant testing. 61 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,199 slam! 62 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:54,080 Mary thought her mother tested the sherry... 63 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,207 way too much. 64 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:01,004 Mary also couldn't understand 65 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:05,008 why Vera was always borrowing. 66 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:10,221 Yesterday, she borrowed some fish fingers from aisle six. 67 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,849 She told Mary she put things up her dress 68 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:17,354 to save on plastic bags. 69 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:23,109 Vera was indeed a complicated soul. 70 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,579 - Ooh! 71 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,122 Mary stopped daydreaming 72 00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:39,626 and went and fetched her pet rooster from the rain. 73 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,463 Her father had found the rooster 74 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,006 on the side of the freeway 75 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:48,259 after it had fallen off the back of a slaughter truck. 76 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,263 She named him Ethel. 77 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,644 It was time to watch The Noblets. 78 00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:00,313 She adored The Noblets, 79 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,984 because everyone was brown, lived in a teapot, 80 00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,444 and had oodles of friends. 81 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:09,823 There was nothing nicer, Mary thought to herself, 82 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,993 than the smell of a wet rooster, 83 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:15,286 the sound of rain on the roof, 84 00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:18,373 and the taste of sweetened condensed milk 85 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,166 straight from the can 86 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,920 while watching your favorite cartoon. 87 00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,048 Ah. 88 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,718 Meanwhile, a man called Max Horowitz 89 00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:15,722 also watched The Noblets. 90 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:21,478 Max's small television had picture but no sound; 91 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:25,231 his big television, sound but no picture. 92 00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:29,402 He was 44 and liked the Noblets because they lived 93 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,197 in a delineated and articulated social structure 94 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,949 with constant adherent conformity, 95 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:41,122 and also because they had oodles of friends. 96 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,750 Max had trouble sleeping 97 00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:45,919 and had spent the night watching television 98 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,754 and catching fish food. 99 00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:52,425 He noted to himself it was the sixth fly 100 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,928 he'd caught this evening. 101 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:02,102 He wondered if he should go to bed and count sheep 102 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:05,438 or have one more chocolate hot dog. 103 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:08,775 He thought he'd try both. 104 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,902 But it didn't work. 105 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,947 It had been 6 hours and 12 minutes 106 00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:16,616 since Henry the Eighth had passed away. 107 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:21,621 And Henry's death had thrown Max's life into disarray. 108 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,540 It had become asymmetrical, 109 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:28,253 and the sooner he got a new fish, the better 110 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,340 Tomorrow he would go to the pet store 111 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:37,345 Henry the Ninth. 112 00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:53,611 - Next. 113 00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,281 It was shopping day, 114 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,992 and Mary sat patiently while her mother... 115 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,912 borrowed some envelopes. 116 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,374 To fill in time, she scanned the room 117 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,586 and counted how many things were brown. 118 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:12,046 There was sticky tape, rubber bands, 119 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:14,841 and a phone book with a picture of a lady 120 00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:19,304 standing in a brown lake with her hand on fire. 121 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,390 "People had weird names in America," 122 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,851 Mary Daisy Dinkle thought to herself, 123 00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:29,564 funny-sounding people called Rockefeller and Finkelstein. 124 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,901 She wondered what they looked like, 125 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,528 how old they were, and if they were married, 126 00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:38,656 wore glasses, or had found babies in their beer 127 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,036 Maybe in America, people found babies elsewhere. 128 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:44,329 - Hmm. 129 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,623 They drank a lot of cola. 130 00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:49,000 Maybe they found them in cans. 131 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:54,047 But no, they wouldn't fit through the hole. 132 00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,048 ding! 133 00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,050 Mary had an idea. 134 00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,469 She would write to one of the Americans 135 00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:02,263 and ask where babies came from. 136 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:07,435 She chose a Mr. M. Horowitz. 137 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,238 - Mrs. Dinkle! 138 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:20,490 Come back here! 139 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:21,741 Vera Dinkle! 140 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,576 You come back here! 141 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:29,624 - "Dear Mr. M. Horowitz, 142 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:33,628 "my name is Mary Daisy Dinkle, 143 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:39,550 "and I am eight years old, three months, and nine days. 144 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,220 "My favorite color is brown, 145 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:46,683 "and my favorite food is sweetened condensed milk, 146 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,769 "followed closely by chocolate. 147 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:54,357 "I have a rooster called Ethel that looks like this. 148 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:57,527 He doesn't lay eggs but will one day." 149 00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:59,112 pop! 150 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:02,991 "My mother likes smoking, cricket, and sherry, 151 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:07,745 "and my father likes playing in his shed with dead birds. 152 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,957 "Where do babies come from in America? 153 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,626 "Do they come from cola cans? 154 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:17,547 "In Australia, they are found in beer glasses. 155 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,799 "Here is a drawing of me. 156 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:23,845 "I can't draw ears proper but am good at teeth. 157 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,222 "It would be great if you could write back 158 00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,599 "and be my friend. 159 00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:29,851 "Yours sin-cereal-y, 160 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:33,479 "Mary Daisy Dinkle. 161 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,648 "P.S., I hope you like 162 00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,484 "the chocolate bar I'm also sending. 163 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:40,945 It's called a Cherry Ripe." 164 00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:48,077 - Mm-mm-mm. 165 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:56,544 Good-bye, letter! 166 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,046 Don't forget to write. 167 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,705 Max hated Thursdays, 168 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:36,918 the day of his weekly Overeaters Anonymous meeting, 169 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:40,421 and tonight he'd felt especially unsettled, 170 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,715 because he'd eaten two chocolate hot dogs 171 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,093 on his way there. 172 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,511 - Okay, class. 173 00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:50,389 Eating chocolate was breaking the rules. 174 00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:53,059 He'd found the night even more unbearable 175 00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:56,854 because of Marjorie Butterworth's strange glances. 176 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,147 - Class dismissed. 177 00:14:58,272 --> 00:14:59,899 Max had trouble understanding 178 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:01,776 nonverbal signals. 179 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:07,448 Flirting was as foreign to him as jogging. 180 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:16,624 Max found most people very confusing, 181 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,585 but little did Max realize 182 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,087 his night was about to become 183 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:26,050 even more confusing and cryptic. 184 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,176 - Hmm. 185 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:37,645 He read Mary's letter four times... 186 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,606 and then did what he normally did 187 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,651 whenever confronted with something new and stressful. 188 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,622 Max's fragile existence 189 00:15:56,747 --> 00:16:00,585 had once again become unsettled. 190 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:04,005 And after staring out of the window for 18 hours, 191 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,674 he finally he made a decision. 192 00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:11,345 ding! 193 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,182 ding! 194 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:17,560 ding! 195 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:27,862 ding! 196 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,113 Ah! 197 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,782 "Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle, 198 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,242 "thank you for the letter, 199 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:36,621 "which I opened and read at 9:17 p.m., 200 00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:39,457 "after my Overeaters Anonymous class. 201 00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:42,210 "I am trying to lose weight, 202 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:46,380 "because my psychiatrist, Dr. Bernard Hazelhof, 203 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:50,051 says a healthy body equals a healthy mind." 204 00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,510 Ooh. 205 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:55,806 "He says my mind is not that healthy. 206 00:16:55,932 --> 00:17:00,853 "Your drawing is an interesting visual portrayal of yourself. 207 00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:04,482 "I have never met anyone from Australia. 208 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:10,238 "Firstly, I will answer your question. 209 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,990 "Unfortunately, in America, 210 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:16,577 "babies are not found in cola cans. 211 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,288 "I asked my mother when I was four, 212 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:23,960 "and she said they came from eggs laid by rabbis. 213 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,711 "If you aren't Jewish, 214 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:27,713 "they're laid by Catholic nuns. 215 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,757 "If you're an atheist, 216 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,677 "they're laid by dirty, lonely prostitutes. 217 00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:36,055 "So this is where babies come from in America. 218 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:39,725 "I share my home with a fish, 219 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:44,772 "some snails, whom I have named after famous scientists... 220 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,110 "a parakeet called Mr. Biscuit, 221 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,488 "and finally, a cat called Hal. 222 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:56,867 "Hal is an abbreviation for halitosis, 223 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,786 "from which he suffers. 224 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,455 "He followed me home after a gang of children 225 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,499 shot his eye out with a BB gun." 226 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,336 - "Do you have a pet kangaroo? 227 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:08,587 "When I was born, 228 00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:12,300 "my father left my mother and me on a kibbutz. 229 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,636 "She shot herself with my uncle's gun when I was six. 230 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,807 "Do you like chocolate hot dogs? 231 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,060 "I invented the recipe for them and can send it to you. 232 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:25,688 "When I was young, 233 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:30,860 "I invented an invisible friend called Mr. Ravioli. 234 00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:34,655 "My psychiatrist says I don't need him anymore, 235 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:38,826 "so he just sits in the corner and reads. 236 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:47,168 "Last week, I picked up 128 cigarette butts. 237 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:50,796 "People are always littering in New York. 238 00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:54,842 "I do not understand why people break laws. 239 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:58,846 "Butts are bad because they wash out to sea, 240 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:03,267 "and fish smoke them and become nicotine-dependent. 241 00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:08,189 "I am just joking, because, of course, 242 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,066 "it is impossible for a cigarette 243 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:13,194 "to remain lit underwater. 244 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:18,949 "Also, fish do not have pockets to keep cigarette lighters in. 245 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:27,041 "I am 44 years old and have eight tracksuits 246 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:32,046 "the same color and size. 247 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,548 I weigh 352 pounds..." 248 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,175 Ooh! 249 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,053 "and am as tall as a six-foot tree." 250 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,889 - Welcome to the New York Lottery. 251 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,891 - "I enjoy entering the lottery 252 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:47,311 "and have chosen the same numbers for nine years. 253 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,397 Those numbers are 3..." 254 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,898 - 1... 255 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,608 - "5..." - 4... 256 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,610 - "6..." - 25... 257 00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:56,153 - "9..." - 2... 258 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:57,738 - "11..." - 7. 259 00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,156 - "And 12." - 8. 260 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:06,372 - Are you a winner or a loser? 261 00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,916 - "I have had many different jobs during my life. 262 00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:14,588 "My first job was collecting subway tokens in the subway. 263 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,799 "My second job was 264 00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,260 "at Yiddel's Gourmet Kosher Supplies, 265 00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,845 "where I worked at the machine 266 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,806 "that made prepackaged noodle kugels. 267 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,600 "I was born Jewish and used to believe in God 268 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,769 "but have since read many books 269 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:33,482 "that have proven God is just a figment of my imagination. 270 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:34,859 "People like to believe in God 271 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,820 "because it answers complicated questions 272 00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:40,906 "like, 'Where did the universe come from?' 273 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:44,326 "'Do worms go to heaven?' 274 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:47,413 "'And why do old ladies have blue hair?' 275 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:51,125 "Even though I'm an atheist, I still wear my yarmulke, 276 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,794 "as it keeps my brain warm. 277 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,464 "My third job was for a company 278 00:20:56,589 --> 00:21:00,009 "that printed logos on novelty items. 279 00:21:00,134 --> 00:21:02,303 "I worked at the Frisbee printing machine. 280 00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:06,599 "A Frisbee is a circular plastic disk 281 00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,893 "that people throw at each other. 282 00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:14,982 "It is like a boomerang, but it does not come back. 283 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:21,113 "My fourth job was when I was called up for jury duty. 284 00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:22,781 "I didn't get paid much 285 00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:24,992 "but got free cookies and coffee. 286 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:29,538 "Jurors are outstanding members of the community 287 00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:32,124 "who haven't murdered anybody. 288 00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,418 "I made it to the short list for a trial 289 00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:37,087 "where a man killed all his friends 290 00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:39,673 "at his own surprise birthday party. 291 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:42,843 "Unfortunately, I didn't get selected 292 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:47,473 "because they found out I'd been a mental patient at one point. 293 00:21:47,598 --> 00:21:49,642 "Have you ever been hang gliding? 294 00:21:50,935 --> 00:21:54,688 "My fifth job was as a garbage collector. 295 00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:56,899 "I got to clean up after litterbugs 296 00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:59,193 "and didn't have to talk to anybody. 297 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:03,030 Sometimes I used to pretend I was an intergalactical robot." 298 00:22:13,707 --> 00:22:14,834 - This is 9-1-1. 299 00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:17,127 Your call has been placed in a queue. 300 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:20,464 - "One time, the police took me in for questioning 301 00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:22,633 "but let me go when they decided 302 00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:26,428 "I wasn't a threat to anybody except myself. 303 00:22:28,973 --> 00:22:34,228 "The sixth job I had was for the United States Army 304 00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,564 "in the stationery supply department. 305 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,650 "Because I am good with numbers, 306 00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:44,363 "I had to work out how many ballpoint pens the Army needed. 307 00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:46,407 "One day they did a security check 308 00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:50,578 "and asked whether I was a member of any radical groups. 309 00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:52,746 "I told them I was a member 310 00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:55,749 "of the New York Science Fiction Fan Club. 311 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:59,753 "They said this didn't count but dismissed me anyway. 312 00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:03,215 "Fortunately, I did not remember to tell them 313 00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:05,551 "I was once a Communist. 314 00:23:05,676 --> 00:23:09,138 "Have you ever been a Communist? 315 00:23:09,263 --> 00:23:11,056 "Have you ever been attacked by a crow 316 00:23:11,181 --> 00:23:13,058 "or similar large bird? 317 00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:14,184 "When I was nine, 318 00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:16,020 "a crow attacked me on my way to school. 319 00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:24,194 "I had to have three stitches, 320 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,448 "and in spring, I now wear a helmet 321 00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:30,159 "with eyes I have painted on. 322 00:23:30,284 --> 00:23:32,870 "People laugh at me when I wear my helmet, 323 00:23:32,995 --> 00:23:34,163 "but I'm not sure why. 324 00:23:34,288 --> 00:23:37,833 "People often confuse me, 325 00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:42,338 "but I try not to let them worry me. 326 00:23:42,463 --> 00:23:45,466 "New York is a very busy and noisy place. 327 00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:47,927 "I would prefer to live somewhere much quieter, 328 00:23:48,052 --> 00:23:50,846 "like the moon. 329 00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:52,473 "I don't like crowds, 330 00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:55,100 "bright lights, sudden noises, or strong smells. 331 00:23:57,269 --> 00:24:01,273 "New York has all these, especially the smells. 332 00:24:03,067 --> 00:24:05,569 "I often wear nose and earplugs when I go outside. 333 00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:09,949 "It helps keep me calm. 334 00:24:10,074 --> 00:24:12,201 "I find humans interesting, 335 00:24:12,326 --> 00:24:15,245 "but I have trouble understanding them. 336 00:24:15,371 --> 00:24:22,503 "I think, however, I will understand and trust you. 337 00:24:22,628 --> 00:24:24,630 "You appear very happy, 338 00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:27,967 "and I think you would smell like a shrimp, 339 00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:32,221 "as I know Australia has a lot of shrimps. 340 00:24:32,346 --> 00:24:34,515 "Can you speed-read? 341 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:38,018 "I have taught myself to read two pages at once: 342 00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:40,479 "one eyeball per page. 343 00:24:40,604 --> 00:24:42,606 "I have to go now, 344 00:24:42,731 --> 00:24:43,983 "even though I have not told you 345 00:24:44,108 --> 00:24:48,237 "about my seventh job in a condom factory. 346 00:24:48,362 --> 00:24:49,989 "Write back soon. 347 00:24:50,114 --> 00:24:52,074 "Your American friend, 348 00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:56,912 "Max Jerry Horowitz. 349 00:24:57,037 --> 00:24:58,706 "P.S., please find enclosed 350 00:24:58,831 --> 00:25:01,083 "a photo from one of those booths. 351 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:05,713 "P.P.S., thank you for the Cherry Ripe, 352 00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:09,341 "and I am glad you like chocolate as much as I do. 353 00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:12,386 "I have never eaten sweetened condensed milk, 354 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:15,431 "but I will try some this week. 355 00:25:15,556 --> 00:25:20,060 P.P.P.S., I have never used a condom." 356 00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:28,444 Max hoped Mary would write again. 357 00:25:28,569 --> 00:25:31,405 He'd always wanted a friend, 358 00:25:31,530 --> 00:25:35,993 a friend that wasn't invisible, a pet, or rubber figurine. 359 00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:39,455 He counted the stars 360 00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:43,751 and wondered how many days, hours, minutes 361 00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:47,004 it would take his letter to reach Australia. 362 00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:57,431 Vera was not impressed... 363 00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:02,686 Not impressed at all. 364 00:26:02,811 --> 00:26:05,105 There was no way this nutcase was going to be 365 00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:08,609 her daughter's pen-friend, she thought to herself 366 00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:11,737 There was enough ugliness in the world. 367 00:26:11,862 --> 00:26:13,864 Mary would be home from school in an hour, 368 00:26:13,989 --> 00:26:17,534 enough time for another cup of tea and a bit of cricket 369 00:26:17,659 --> 00:26:19,912 to soothe the nerves and dissolve the memory 370 00:26:20,037 --> 00:26:22,790 of Max's letter from her pickled mind. 371 00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:24,792 - And he's out 372 00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:26,627 found the lead for 14, England, 7... 373 00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:01,328 - Stop! 374 00:27:01,453 --> 00:27:03,288 Wait! 375 00:27:03,413 --> 00:27:06,834 Hey, fellas, you got room for one more bag? 376 00:27:06,959 --> 00:27:09,336 - Sure, Mrs. Dinkle. 377 00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:11,338 Hop in! 378 00:27:11,463 --> 00:27:12,840 - Good one, Kevin. 379 00:27:17,803 --> 00:27:21,098 - Oh. 380 00:27:21,223 --> 00:27:22,307 - Come on, Vera, 381 00:27:22,432 --> 00:27:23,767 we've got some other bags to pick up. 382 00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:33,986 - Hmm. 383 00:27:34,111 --> 00:27:36,530 Hmm. 384 00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:38,115 - Mmph! 385 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,993 Mary, is that all your rubbish? 386 00:27:41,118 --> 00:27:43,579 - Yep! 387 00:27:43,704 --> 00:27:44,746 - See ya, toots! 388 00:27:46,874 --> 00:27:49,835 - Sweet baby Jesus. 389 00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:05,184 Even though Max's letter 390 00:28:05,309 --> 00:28:07,811 smelted like fish heads and orange peel, 391 00:28:07,936 --> 00:28:12,608 Mary drank his words like a bowl of alphabet soup 392 00:28:12,733 --> 00:28:16,361 and hadn't been this excited since Grand-Poppy Ralph 393 00:28:16,486 --> 00:28:20,073 had found a coin up her nose. 394 00:28:20,198 --> 00:28:23,660 She wrote back immediately on some butcher's paper 395 00:28:23,785 --> 00:28:25,871 she'd stolen from some chops. 396 00:28:25,996 --> 00:28:31,043 - "Dear Max, I am so excited you've wroted back. 397 00:28:31,168 --> 00:28:33,045 "I don't think my parents like you, 398 00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:34,421 "so from now on, 399 00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:37,966 "send stuff to my neighbor, Len Hislop, 400 00:28:38,091 --> 00:28:43,221 "at 26 Lamington Drive, Mount Waverley. 401 00:28:43,347 --> 00:28:46,183 "He's old with no legs. 402 00:28:46,308 --> 00:28:48,769 "They got cheweded off in World War II 403 00:28:48,894 --> 00:28:52,606 when some Japanese peoples kept him in a cage above piranhas." 404 00:28:55,234 --> 00:29:00,280 - "Piranhas are goldfish that have teeth. 405 00:29:00,405 --> 00:29:02,074 "He's scared of outside, 406 00:29:02,199 --> 00:29:04,743 which is a disease called homophobia." 407 00:29:07,329 --> 00:29:11,959 "He's started giving me 500 a week to get his mail. 408 00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:15,545 "I'm saving to buy a castle in Scotland 409 00:29:15,671 --> 00:29:19,007 "and marry a man called Earl Grey. 410 00:29:19,132 --> 00:29:22,260 "Do you get The Noblets in America? 411 00:29:22,386 --> 00:29:25,847 "Well, my favorite Noblet is Vanity Noblet. 412 00:29:25,973 --> 00:29:28,642 "He wants to be everyone's friend, 413 00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:31,478 "even the boys! 414 00:29:31,603 --> 00:29:34,982 "In your letter, you said you had no friends. 415 00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:38,652 Well, neither do I." 416 00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:40,320 - Mm-hmm! - Ooh! 417 00:29:40,445 --> 00:29:42,114 "Yesterday at school, 418 00:29:42,239 --> 00:29:45,242 "Bernie Clifford weed on my Spam sandwich 419 00:29:45,367 --> 00:29:48,161 "and called me poo-face 'cause of my birthmark. 420 00:29:48,286 --> 00:29:53,083 "I wish I could peel it off like a Band-Aid. 421 00:29:53,208 --> 00:29:55,669 "He also laughed, 'cause I had no buttons. 422 00:29:55,794 --> 00:29:58,297 "Ethel pecked them off, 423 00:29:58,422 --> 00:29:59,715 "and Mum couldn't thread a needle, 424 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,009 "'cause she'd been testing the sherry. 425 00:30:02,134 --> 00:30:06,847 "So she used pegs instead. 426 00:30:06,972 --> 00:30:08,557 "When I got home, 427 00:30:08,682 --> 00:30:13,562 "I climbed into my secret place till dinnertime. 428 00:30:13,687 --> 00:30:16,857 "The other kids also laugh at my haircut. 429 00:30:16,982 --> 00:30:18,608 "Dad has to cut my hair, 430 00:30:18,734 --> 00:30:21,445 "because Mum says real hairdressers sell your hair 431 00:30:21,570 --> 00:30:25,324 "to Chinamen who stuff mattresses. 432 00:30:26,908 --> 00:30:31,580 "My teacher, Mrs. Pendergast, says I should smile more. 433 00:30:31,705 --> 00:30:32,831 "I told my mum, 434 00:30:32,956 --> 00:30:37,210 "and so she drawed a big smile on me. 435 00:30:38,837 --> 00:30:41,423 "I don't think Mrs. Pendergast likes me anymore. 436 00:30:47,220 --> 00:30:49,056 "I better go now. 437 00:30:49,181 --> 00:30:51,391 "My tears are smudg-ling my words. 438 00:30:51,516 --> 00:30:53,685 "Your friend in Australia, 439 00:30:53,810 --> 00:30:57,564 "Mary Daisy Dinkle. 440 00:30:57,689 --> 00:31:01,234 "P.S., have you ever been teased? 441 00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:04,738 "Can you help me? 442 00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:09,576 "P.S.S., I've never been hang gliding before 443 00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:11,453 "or been a Commune-ist 444 00:31:11,578 --> 00:31:13,580 "but would love a Frisbee 445 00:31:13,705 --> 00:31:16,750 "and your recipe for chocolate hot dogs. 446 00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:22,422 "P.S.S.S., I'm sending you some Australian chocolate, 447 00:31:22,547 --> 00:31:26,468 "a pompom I made, and a cake called a Lamington, 448 00:31:26,593 --> 00:31:32,099 which I was meant to eat for lunch." 449 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:57,207 - "Have you ever been teased?" 450 00:31:59,918 --> 00:32:02,629 Mary's letter triggered memories 451 00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:05,132 Max had buried deep down in his shoes. 452 00:32:05,257 --> 00:32:06,174 - He's going that way. 453 00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:07,801 - We've got him cornered now! 454 00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:09,970 Hey, Jew boy, you're gonna pay. 455 00:32:10,095 --> 00:32:11,221 - Take this, Jew boy! 456 00:32:11,346 --> 00:32:12,305 - Jew boy, Jew boy, Jew boy! 457 00:32:18,979 --> 00:32:20,355 And as usual, 458 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:24,693 he coped in the only way he knew. 459 00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:36,204 And 36 chocolate hot dogs later... 460 00:32:37,664 --> 00:32:41,001 And after only two hours' sleep, 461 00:32:41,126 --> 00:32:44,629 Max's meltdown faded away, 462 00:32:44,754 --> 00:32:48,675 and an idea popped into his brain. 463 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,135 ding! 464 00:32:50,260 --> 00:32:53,680 - "Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle, 465 00:32:53,805 --> 00:32:56,349 "thank you for your letter, chocolate bar, 466 00:32:56,475 --> 00:32:59,519 "Lamington, and pompom. 467 00:32:59,644 --> 00:33:00,812 "The chocolate got crushed, 468 00:33:00,937 --> 00:33:03,648 "so I blended the bits with milk and ice cream, 469 00:33:03,773 --> 00:33:06,318 "and now I am drinking it right now. 470 00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:10,488 "After much thought, 471 00:33:10,614 --> 00:33:13,867 "I think I have a solution to your teasing. 472 00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:15,410 "Tell Bernie Clifford 473 00:33:15,535 --> 00:33:19,206 "your birthmark is made of chocolate, 474 00:33:19,331 --> 00:33:21,166 "which means when you get to heaven, 475 00:33:21,291 --> 00:33:24,252 "you will be in charge of all the chocolate. 476 00:33:24,377 --> 00:33:26,254 "This, of course, is a lie. 477 00:33:26,379 --> 00:33:29,424 "I do not like lies, but in this case, 478 00:33:29,549 --> 00:33:32,385 "I think it will be of benefit. 479 00:33:32,511 --> 00:33:36,431 "I wish I could be in charge of all the chocolate, 480 00:33:36,556 --> 00:33:41,853 "but, of course, I cannot, because of my atheism. 481 00:33:43,230 --> 00:33:46,316 "My neighbor Ivy is also an atheist. 482 00:33:46,441 --> 00:33:48,235 "She doesn't talk much 483 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:50,111 "but makes me very good soup on Sunday nights. 484 00:33:51,905 --> 00:33:54,074 "She is partly blind, 485 00:33:54,199 --> 00:33:57,619 and sometimes I find her hair in my soup." 486 00:33:57,744 --> 00:33:59,079 Ew... 487 00:33:59,204 --> 00:34:00,372 "I do not tell her, 488 00:34:00,497 --> 00:34:06,419 "as Dr. Bernard Hazelhof says this would be impolite. 489 00:34:06,544 --> 00:34:10,173 "Here is a list of what I eat on the other nights: 490 00:34:10,298 --> 00:34:12,842 Glicks Potato Knish; 491 00:34:12,968 --> 00:34:15,720 Yiddel's Noodle Kugel; 492 00:34:15,845 --> 00:34:18,932 Captain Salty's Fishstix; 493 00:34:19,057 --> 00:34:22,435 Yentl's Cheezy Blintz; 494 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,230 Chiken Nuggets. 495 00:34:25,355 --> 00:34:29,317 "On Saturday nights, I create my own recipes. 496 00:34:29,442 --> 00:34:33,780 "Last week, I invented canned spaghetti hamburgers. 497 00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:37,242 "Recipes are like mathematical equations. 498 00:34:37,367 --> 00:34:39,452 "Dr. Bernard Hazelhof told me 499 00:34:39,577 --> 00:34:43,957 "you should never weigh more than your refrigerator 500 00:34:44,082 --> 00:34:48,878 "and to never eat anything bigger than your head. 501 00:34:49,004 --> 00:34:52,966 "I once ate a watermelon bigger than my head 502 00:34:53,091 --> 00:34:55,302 "but not all at once. 503 00:34:55,427 --> 00:34:59,681 "Do you have any weight loss suggestions? 504 00:34:59,806 --> 00:35:01,641 "My Overeaters Anonymous meetings 505 00:35:01,766 --> 00:35:05,520 don't seem to be working and just make me tense." 506 00:35:10,608 --> 00:35:12,986 gulp! 507 00:35:13,111 --> 00:35:15,905 "It would be good if there was a fat fairy." 508 00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:20,243 "She would be a bit like the tooth fairy 509 00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:25,624 "but would suck out your fat. 510 00:35:25,749 --> 00:35:29,502 "Ivy says she is only a little bit blind, 511 00:35:29,627 --> 00:35:33,131 "but I think she is very blind. 512 00:35:33,256 --> 00:35:34,549 "She should get a cane 513 00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:37,802 "like other vision-impaired people. 514 00:35:37,927 --> 00:35:40,180 "She could make the end pointy 515 00:35:40,305 --> 00:35:43,183 "and collect rubbish at the same time. 516 00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:48,521 "I think I will write a letter to the mayor and suggest this. 517 00:35:48,647 --> 00:35:51,775 "He will be very impressed. 518 00:35:51,900 --> 00:35:54,611 "Ivy says she doesn't need a cane 519 00:35:54,736 --> 00:35:57,864 because she has a good sense of smell." 520 00:35:59,407 --> 00:36:04,371 - "She says she could find me with her eyes stapled shut. 521 00:36:04,496 --> 00:36:09,709 She says I smell like licorice and old books." 522 00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:18,843 "I think she smells like cough medicine and urine. 523 00:36:18,968 --> 00:36:20,303 "I have never told her this, 524 00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:26,059 "as Dr. Bernard Hazelhof said this would also be impolite. 525 00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:33,108 "People often think I am tactless and rude. 526 00:36:35,443 --> 00:36:41,408 "I cannot understand how being honest can be improper. 527 00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:48,081 "Maybe this is why I don't have any friends, 528 00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:50,083 "of course, except for you. 529 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:54,045 A real friend has been one of my three goals in life." 530 00:36:55,255 --> 00:36:56,214 Oh! 531 00:36:56,339 --> 00:37:00,468 "The other two are to own every Noblet 532 00:37:00,593 --> 00:37:04,264 "and a lifetime supply of chocolate. 533 00:37:04,389 --> 00:37:09,310 "Dr. Bernard Hazelhof says it is good to have goals 534 00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:14,107 "but not stupid ones like mine. 535 00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:19,529 "I have now run out of things to tell you. 536 00:37:19,654 --> 00:37:22,031 "Please write soon. 537 00:37:22,157 --> 00:37:27,829 "Your friend in America, Max Jerry Horowitz. 538 00:37:27,954 --> 00:37:32,709 "P.S., do not worry about not smiling. 539 00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:35,587 "My mouth hardly ever smiles, 540 00:37:35,712 --> 00:37:38,131 "but it does not mean I am not smiling 541 00:37:38,256 --> 00:37:41,801 "inside my brain. 542 00:37:41,926 --> 00:37:44,971 "P.P.S., please find enclosed 543 00:37:45,096 --> 00:37:47,807 "a Frisbee, some chocolate Pop Rocks, 544 00:37:47,932 --> 00:37:49,768 "which you should eat with cola, 545 00:37:49,893 --> 00:37:52,604 "and an illustration of a turtle 546 00:37:52,729 --> 00:37:55,148 "from one of my National Geographies. 547 00:37:55,273 --> 00:37:59,486 "P.P.P.S., did you know that turtles 548 00:37:59,611 --> 00:38:03,573 can breathe through their anuses?" 549 00:38:05,450 --> 00:38:07,327 - "Dear Max, 550 00:38:07,452 --> 00:38:09,162 "when I told Bernie Clifford 551 00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:12,165 "I'll be in charge of all the chocolate in heaven 552 00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:14,417 and he wouldn't get any, he cried." 553 00:38:16,628 --> 00:38:22,342 "I also hided some dog's poo in his bit of the sand pit. 554 00:38:22,467 --> 00:38:23,927 "Your advice was great, 555 00:38:24,052 --> 00:38:26,971 "and I have got a job delivering pamphlets 556 00:38:27,096 --> 00:38:29,641 "so I can save to come and see you. 557 00:38:29,766 --> 00:38:31,601 "I am sad to hear you are fat. 558 00:38:31,726 --> 00:38:34,312 "Mum says I am fat too, 559 00:38:34,437 --> 00:38:37,148 "and I am growing up to be a heffa, 560 00:38:37,273 --> 00:38:40,276 "which I think is a type of cow. 561 00:38:40,401 --> 00:38:42,195 "Maybe you should only eat things 562 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:44,364 "beginning with the letter of each day. 563 00:38:44,489 --> 00:38:47,158 "On Mondays, you could only eat 564 00:38:47,283 --> 00:38:52,330 milkshakes, marshmallows, and mustard." 565 00:38:52,455 --> 00:38:53,998 - Ooh. 566 00:38:58,545 --> 00:39:01,297 - "For my birthday, my mum baked a cake, 567 00:39:01,422 --> 00:39:02,507 and Dad gave me a camera." 568 00:39:02,632 --> 00:39:04,384 click! 569 00:39:04,509 --> 00:39:07,679 "I hope you like the photos I sent. 570 00:39:07,804 --> 00:39:10,765 "The first one is of Ethel, who ate some tinsel. 571 00:39:10,890 --> 00:39:13,351 "The next one is of myself 572 00:39:13,476 --> 00:39:15,520 "after I ate the chocolate Pop Rocks 573 00:39:15,645 --> 00:39:18,731 "with the cola like you said. 574 00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:21,067 "Next is Len. 575 00:39:21,192 --> 00:39:24,404 "He's still trying hard not to be afraid of outside 576 00:39:24,529 --> 00:39:26,406 and conquer his homophobia." 577 00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,119 clang! 578 00:39:31,244 --> 00:39:34,372 - "The next one is of Dad in his shed 579 00:39:34,497 --> 00:39:36,332 and then one of the times..." 580 00:39:37,542 --> 00:39:38,918 - "I covered Mum while she was asleep 581 00:39:39,043 --> 00:39:41,921 "in her stickers that help her stop smoking. 582 00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:45,383 Next, when I got my Slinky caught in my hair." 583 00:39:45,508 --> 00:39:46,801 - Hmm. 584 00:39:46,926 --> 00:39:50,930 - "Then one of the times Sonny digged up his wife Cher. 585 00:39:51,055 --> 00:39:54,934 "And finally, a photo of my other neighbor, 586 00:39:55,059 --> 00:39:57,562 "Damian Popodopolous. 587 00:39:57,687 --> 00:40:01,941 "He's a Greek and smells like lemon dishwashing liquid, 588 00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:07,864 "and his skin is smooth like the back of a spoon. 589 00:40:07,989 --> 00:40:11,242 "Mum says he's a wog and has a stutter 590 00:40:11,367 --> 00:40:14,787 "and can't even say his own surname. 591 00:40:14,913 --> 00:40:18,541 "She says you have to hit him on the back of the head 592 00:40:18,666 --> 00:40:19,626 to get his words out." 593 00:40:20,793 --> 00:40:22,295 - Popodopolous. 594 00:40:22,420 --> 00:40:24,464 - "I wish he was my boyfriend, 595 00:40:24,589 --> 00:40:27,133 "and we can be in love and do sexing 596 00:40:27,258 --> 00:40:30,053 "like Katherine Ramsay told me behind the bike shed. 597 00:40:30,178 --> 00:40:33,306 "She said it's when two people go nuddy 598 00:40:33,431 --> 00:40:36,726 "and rub on each other to make babies. 599 00:40:36,851 --> 00:40:39,854 "I told her she's a liar and would go to hell 600 00:40:39,979 --> 00:40:41,189 "and burn like toast, 601 00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:44,233 "'cause babies really come from beer glasses 602 00:40:44,359 --> 00:40:48,696 "and eggs laid by rabbits and nuns and proster-tubes. 603 00:40:48,821 --> 00:40:51,407 "She said ladies get knocked up 604 00:40:51,532 --> 00:40:54,494 "and bake babies in their stomachs for two years 605 00:40:54,619 --> 00:40:56,412 "till they spurt out their vag-eye-nas 606 00:40:56,537 --> 00:40:58,498 "with blood and tinned spaghetti. 607 00:40:58,623 --> 00:41:02,293 "Have you got a girlfriend, Max, or some wives? 608 00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,504 "Have you done sexing? 609 00:41:04,629 --> 00:41:06,297 "Valen-time's Day is soon, 610 00:41:06,422 --> 00:41:10,343 "and I want to give Damian a present so he can love me. 611 00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:14,097 Can you explain love and how I can be lovered?" 612 00:41:16,432 --> 00:41:18,476 Once again, Mary's letter 613 00:41:18,601 --> 00:41:21,729 had triggered an anxiety attack. 614 00:41:21,854 --> 00:41:23,189 Max knew nothing about love. 615 00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:26,567 It was as— it was as foreign to him 616 00:41:26,693 --> 00:41:27,860 as scuba diving, 617 00:41:27,986 --> 00:41:30,196 and he'd had an appalling history 618 00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:32,448 of getting it all wrong. 619 00:41:32,573 --> 00:41:34,659 One Valentine's Day, 620 00:41:34,784 --> 00:41:36,911 he'd given Zelda Glutnik 621 00:41:37,036 --> 00:41:40,915 a gift he was sure was appropriate. 622 00:41:44,460 --> 00:41:50,341 The only companion that had ever warmed Max's bed 623 00:41:50,466 --> 00:41:53,261 was his hot water bottle. 624 00:41:53,386 --> 00:41:56,556 Romance and love was a mysterious language 625 00:41:56,681 --> 00:41:58,224 he'd given up on. 626 00:41:58,349 --> 00:42:01,811 If only Mary had asked how a toaster works 627 00:42:01,936 --> 00:42:05,064 or asked for an explanation of the chaos theory. 628 00:42:05,189 --> 00:42:08,359 If only there was a mathematical equation... 629 00:42:08,484 --> 00:42:11,404 for love. 630 00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:16,033 He kept eating and thinking. 631 00:42:30,256 --> 00:42:33,718 But love was not like Max's Rubik's Cube. 632 00:42:33,843 --> 00:42:35,928 It could not be solved. 633 00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:39,056 And no matter from what angle he analyzed it, 634 00:42:39,182 --> 00:42:40,183 the results were negative. 635 00:42:40,308 --> 00:42:42,310 - Beat it, creep! 636 00:42:42,435 --> 00:42:46,230 He felt love but couldn't articulate it 637 00:42:46,355 --> 00:42:48,191 Its logic was as foreign to him as— 638 00:42:48,316 --> 00:42:52,278 as a salad sandwich. 639 00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:54,822 The stars made more sense. 640 00:43:01,746 --> 00:43:04,999 - Unit 12, have you responded to the Hubert Street call? 641 00:43:05,124 --> 00:43:07,794 The anxiety and stress were too much. 642 00:43:07,919 --> 00:43:11,798 The inscrutability of love finally won, 643 00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:14,467 and Max's brain gave in. 644 00:43:14,592 --> 00:43:16,719 - Ooh. 645 00:43:23,142 --> 00:43:24,644 He was diagnosed 646 00:43:24,769 --> 00:43:27,063 with severe depression and obesity 647 00:43:27,188 --> 00:43:29,065 and spent the next eight months 648 00:43:29,190 --> 00:43:32,318 institutionalized and bedridden. 649 00:43:32,443 --> 00:43:35,488 They marinated him in a cocktail of drugs 650 00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:39,242 and performed the usual therapeutic procedures. 651 00:43:44,121 --> 00:43:49,418 Meanwhile, Mary wondered and waited. 652 00:43:49,544 --> 00:43:54,340 Maybe Max's typewriter had run out of ink. 653 00:43:54,465 --> 00:43:57,844 Maybe America had run out of ink. 654 00:43:57,969 --> 00:44:00,513 Maybe his pets had eaten him. 655 00:44:02,140 --> 00:44:04,100 Maybe it was her. 656 00:44:04,225 --> 00:44:10,064 Was she too demanding, too boring, too ugly? 657 00:44:16,821 --> 00:44:21,367 Filled with anger, confusion, and self-loathing, 658 00:44:21,492 --> 00:44:27,206 Mary tried to erase the memory of her friend forever 659 00:45:14,962 --> 00:45:18,049 Max had recovered, and life was balanced, 660 00:45:18,174 --> 00:45:22,929 safe, and symmetrical once again. 661 00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:24,263 smooch! 662 00:45:24,388 --> 00:45:28,392 But Mary still lingered in his mind. 663 00:45:28,517 --> 00:45:31,520 Half of him wanted to write to her immediately. 664 00:45:31,646 --> 00:45:33,439 The other half didn't want to end up 665 00:45:33,564 --> 00:45:35,942 a mental patient again. 666 00:45:36,067 --> 00:45:41,155 At least there was always Mr Ravioli to be friends with. 667 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:45,159 He was a much safer option. 668 00:45:45,284 --> 00:45:49,956 He wondered what Mary was doing right now. 669 00:45:50,081 --> 00:45:52,833 But she was far from content 670 00:45:52,959 --> 00:45:55,336 and struggled on by herself, 671 00:45:55,461 --> 00:45:58,089 saving her money for a rainy day. 672 00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:08,849 Life went on as usual for Max, 673 00:46:08,975 --> 00:46:12,603 and even though he opted for order and stability, 674 00:46:12,728 --> 00:46:14,689 misfortune was never far away. 675 00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:43,384 crash! 676 00:46:45,302 --> 00:46:49,223 Luckily, his manslaughter charges were dismissed 677 00:46:49,348 --> 00:46:52,351 because he was labeled mentally deficient 678 00:46:52,476 --> 00:46:55,354 and unlikely to have a motive for killing a mime artist.. 679 00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:57,523 - Oop! 680 00:46:57,648 --> 00:47:00,818 Unlike most people. 681 00:47:00,943 --> 00:47:04,363 From then on, Max cooled himself differently, 682 00:47:04,488 --> 00:47:09,994 and things went back to normal until after his 48th birthday, 683 00:47:10,119 --> 00:47:13,205 when his numbers finally came up. 684 00:47:13,330 --> 00:47:14,999 - Welcome to the New York Lottery, 685 00:47:15,124 --> 00:47:17,543 and these are tonight's winning numbers. 686 00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:19,754 3, 687 00:47:19,879 --> 00:47:22,882 5, 688 00:47:23,007 --> 00:47:24,592 6, 689 00:47:24,717 --> 00:47:28,596 9, 690 00:47:28,721 --> 00:47:31,223 11, 691 00:47:31,348 --> 00:47:33,225 and 12. 692 00:48:15,017 --> 00:48:17,686 Max was sensible with his sudden wealth 693 00:48:17,812 --> 00:48:19,897 and had bought a lifetime supply of chocolate 694 00:48:20,022 --> 00:48:25,736 and the complete Noblet collection. 695 00:48:27,696 --> 00:48:30,699 Two of his life goals had come true, 696 00:48:30,825 --> 00:48:33,619 but he still had a lot of money 697 00:48:33,744 --> 00:48:35,830 so decided to give it to Ivy... 698 00:48:35,955 --> 00:48:37,581 - Oh! 699 00:48:37,706 --> 00:48:41,085 Who was also very sensible... 700 00:49:13,617 --> 00:49:14,785 crash! 701 00:49:14,910 --> 00:49:19,457 Until her own numbers came up. 702 00:49:27,047 --> 00:49:30,718 Ivy willed everything to the local cat shelter, 703 00:49:30,843 --> 00:49:34,096 whose owner relocated her kind donation 704 00:49:34,221 --> 00:49:35,639 to his bank account, 705 00:49:35,764 --> 00:49:40,019 his wife's new breasts, a Ferrari, 706 00:49:40,144 --> 00:49:42,062 and enough fuel to get to Mexico. 707 00:49:50,863 --> 00:49:54,200 Despite achieving all his life's goals, 708 00:49:54,325 --> 00:49:57,786 Max still felt incomplete. 709 00:49:59,038 --> 00:50:00,289 Mr Ravioli 710 00:50:00,414 --> 00:50:03,125 just wasn't cutting the mustard anymore 711 00:50:03,250 --> 00:50:07,963 and seemed more interested in his self-help books. 712 00:50:08,088 --> 00:50:11,675 Mary had given Max a taste of real friendship, 713 00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:14,595 and there was just no comparison. 714 00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:19,225 She missed him too but no longer saved to see him. 715 00:50:21,852 --> 00:50:25,064 She now saved for a different reason. 716 00:50:35,783 --> 00:50:41,830 One day, Mr. Ravioli got up, left, and never came back. 717 00:50:46,210 --> 00:50:50,256 Max sought Dr. Hazelhofs advice. 718 00:50:51,674 --> 00:50:53,259 He told Max that true friendship 719 00:50:53,384 --> 00:50:57,388 is seen through the heart, not through the eyes, 720 00:50:57,513 --> 00:50:59,890 and that it was time he wrote to Mary 721 00:51:00,015 --> 00:51:02,935 to reveal his true sell 722 00:51:03,060 --> 00:51:05,688 warts and all. 723 00:51:05,813 --> 00:51:07,314 Max understood. 724 00:51:25,916 --> 00:51:28,502 "Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle, 725 00:51:28,627 --> 00:51:31,422 "there is something I have to tell you 726 00:51:31,547 --> 00:51:35,301 "which will explain why I have not written. 727 00:51:35,426 --> 00:51:38,470 "Each time I received one of your letters, 728 00:51:38,595 --> 00:51:42,099 "I had a severe anxiety attack. 729 00:51:42,224 --> 00:51:44,226 "This is because recently, 730 00:51:44,351 --> 00:51:46,228 "while I was in a mental institution, 731 00:51:46,353 --> 00:51:49,315 "they diagnosed that I have a new thing 732 00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:53,736 "called Asperger's syndrome, 733 00:51:53,861 --> 00:51:55,696 "which is a neurobiological, 734 00:51:55,821 --> 00:52:00,826 "pervasive, developmental disability. 735 00:52:00,951 --> 00:52:04,496 "I prefer 'Aspie' for short. 736 00:52:04,622 --> 00:52:08,709 "I will now list some of the traits of an Aspie. 737 00:52:10,461 --> 00:52:12,546 "Number one: 738 00:52:12,671 --> 00:52:16,425 "I find the world very confusing and chaotic 739 00:52:16,550 --> 00:52:21,263 "because my mind is very literal and logical. 740 00:52:23,974 --> 00:52:27,519 I have trouble understanding 741 00:52:27,644 --> 00:52:30,147 "the expressions on people's faces. 742 00:52:30,272 --> 00:52:33,192 "When I was younger, 743 00:52:33,317 --> 00:52:37,863 I made a book to help me when I was confused." 744 00:52:40,741 --> 00:52:41,867 smack! 745 00:52:41,992 --> 00:52:45,829 "I still have trouble with some people. 746 00:52:45,954 --> 00:52:49,291 "Ivy was hard to understand because of her wrinkles 747 00:52:49,416 --> 00:52:53,670 "and because her eyebrows weren't real. 748 00:52:53,796 --> 00:52:58,217 I have bad handwriting, am hypersensitive..." 749 00:52:59,635 --> 00:53:00,552 Ahh! 750 00:53:00,677 --> 00:53:02,137 "Clumsy, 751 00:53:02,262 --> 00:53:05,224 "and can get very concerned. 752 00:53:09,353 --> 00:53:13,107 I like solving problems. 753 00:53:13,232 --> 00:53:16,777 Ivy said this is a good thing." 754 00:53:19,530 --> 00:53:21,907 - "And finally, number five: 755 00:53:22,032 --> 00:53:25,744 "I have trouble expressing my emotions. 756 00:53:25,869 --> 00:53:29,915 "Dr. Bernard Hazelhof says my brain is defective, 757 00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:36,004 "but one day, there will be a cure for my disability. 758 00:53:36,130 --> 00:53:38,465 "I do not like it when he says this. 759 00:53:38,590 --> 00:53:41,343 "I do not feel disabled, defective, 760 00:53:41,468 --> 00:53:43,554 "or a need to be cured. 761 00:53:43,679 --> 00:53:46,723 "I like being an Aspie. 762 00:53:46,849 --> 00:53:51,979 "It would be like trying to change the color of my eyes. 763 00:53:52,104 --> 00:53:57,609 "There is one thing I wish I could change, however. 764 00:53:58,735 --> 00:54:00,904 I wish I could cry properly." 765 00:54:04,074 --> 00:54:09,204 "I squeeze and squeeze, but nothing comes out. 766 00:54:09,329 --> 00:54:13,250 "I cry when I cut onions, but this does not count. 767 00:54:13,375 --> 00:54:15,419 "Anyway, do you like the word 'kumquat'? 768 00:54:15,544 --> 00:54:17,296 "It is a type of fruit. 769 00:54:17,421 --> 00:54:20,257 "Do you have a favorite-sounding word? 770 00:54:20,382 --> 00:54:22,342 "My top five are: 771 00:54:22,468 --> 00:54:24,678 "ointment, bumblebee, 772 00:54:24,803 --> 00:54:31,727 "Vladivostock, banana, and testicle. 773 00:54:31,852 --> 00:54:35,814 "I have also invented some new words: 774 00:54:35,939 --> 00:54:37,983 "confuzzled, which is being 775 00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:42,362 "confused and puzzled at the same time; 776 00:54:42,488 --> 00:54:47,659 "snirt, which is a cross between snow and dirt, 777 00:54:47,784 --> 00:54:49,161 "and smushables... 778 00:54:51,246 --> 00:54:53,123 "which are squashed groceries 779 00:54:53,248 --> 00:54:56,460 "you find at the bottom of the bag. 780 00:54:56,585 --> 00:54:59,588 "I have sent a letter to the Oxford Dictionary people 781 00:54:59,713 --> 00:55:03,675 "asking them to include my words 782 00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,845 "but have not heard back. 783 00:55:06,970 --> 00:55:08,931 "It is now time for me to go 784 00:55:09,056 --> 00:55:11,934 "to my Overeaters Anonymous meeting. 785 00:55:12,059 --> 00:55:14,645 "There is a woman there called Marjorie Buttersworth 786 00:55:14,770 --> 00:55:16,605 "who confuzzles me. 787 00:55:16,730 --> 00:55:17,689 smooch! 788 00:55:17,815 --> 00:55:21,860 "She kisses me without my permission, 789 00:55:21,985 --> 00:55:25,155 "so tonight I have decided to rub onions 790 00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:28,033 "under my armpits to repel her. 791 00:55:28,158 --> 00:55:35,707 Your friend in America, Max Jerry Horowitz." 792 00:55:35,833 --> 00:55:37,960 Hmm. 793 00:55:38,085 --> 00:55:40,879 "P.S., please find enclosed 794 00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:45,717 "some chocolate-covered ants I found at the deli. 795 00:55:45,843 --> 00:55:48,971 "P.P.S., not much has happened since I last wrote, 796 00:55:49,096 --> 00:55:52,391 "except for my manslaughter charges, 797 00:55:52,516 --> 00:55:56,186 lotto win, and Ivy's death." 798 00:55:59,398 --> 00:56:02,943 Mary was thrilled Max had finally written 799 00:56:03,068 --> 00:56:05,404 and suddenly had a fabulous idea. 800 00:56:05,529 --> 00:56:06,697 - Aha! 801 00:56:06,822 --> 00:56:08,031 ding! 802 00:56:42,065 --> 00:56:46,069 Mary and Max's friendship was resuscitated, 803 00:56:46,194 --> 00:56:48,280 and her tears were the best gift 804 00:56:48,405 --> 00:56:50,908 he'd ever received. 805 00:56:51,033 --> 00:56:56,455 Inside Max's head, his brain was smiling. 806 00:56:56,580 --> 00:56:59,207 Loaded up with bizarre forms of chocolate, 807 00:56:59,333 --> 00:57:01,835 their letters flew thick and fast 808 00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,046 between the continents. 809 00:57:04,171 --> 00:57:07,049 Max learned to read Mary's letters with caution, 810 00:57:07,174 --> 00:57:11,053 and at the slightest tingle of tension, 811 00:57:11,178 --> 00:57:13,263 he would stop, take his medication, 812 00:57:13,388 --> 00:57:15,557 and soothe his nerves. 813 00:57:15,682 --> 00:57:19,561 Each letter he would iron, laminate, 814 00:57:19,686 --> 00:57:21,855 and file in a special place, 815 00:57:21,980 --> 00:57:26,693 which also soothed his nerves. 816 00:57:29,571 --> 00:57:31,531 He enjoyed answering her questions 817 00:57:31,657 --> 00:57:34,451 and solving her puzzles like, 818 00:57:34,576 --> 00:57:37,287 "Do sheep shrink when it rains?" 819 00:57:37,412 --> 00:57:41,291 "Why do old men wear their pants so high?" 820 00:57:41,416 --> 00:57:43,168 "Do gooses get goose bumps?" 821 00:57:43,293 --> 00:57:46,338 "And why is belly button lint blue?" 822 00:57:46,463 --> 00:57:48,298 "Are there Noblets in heaven?" 823 00:57:48,423 --> 00:57:52,135 "And if a taxi goes backwards, does the driver owe you money?" 824 00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:56,014 In turn, Mary simply enjoyed hearing 825 00:57:56,139 --> 00:57:59,267 about Max's fascinating life: 826 00:57:59,393 --> 00:58:01,520 how many people he'd counted littering... 827 00:58:05,565 --> 00:58:06,858 crash! 828 00:58:06,983 --> 00:58:09,111 How the latest Henry had died... 829 00:58:18,829 --> 00:58:22,457 And new recipes he'd invented for chicken. 830 00:58:25,752 --> 00:58:27,754 Each nourished the other, 831 00:58:27,879 --> 00:58:30,674 and as Mary grew taller, 832 00:58:30,799 --> 00:58:32,050 Max grew wider, 833 00:58:32,175 --> 00:58:36,096 their friendship becoming stronger than the glue 834 00:58:36,221 --> 00:58:39,349 on Mary's Noblets. 835 00:58:42,811 --> 00:58:45,981 Although Max found solace in Mary, 836 00:58:46,106 --> 00:58:50,068 he still found the rest of the world bewildering, 837 00:58:50,193 --> 00:58:51,653 and he couldn't understand 838 00:58:51,778 --> 00:58:53,405 why he was seen as the odd one 839 00:58:53,530 --> 00:58:57,284 while everyone else was considered normal. 840 00:58:59,327 --> 00:59:02,456 Humans were endlessly illogical. 841 00:59:02,581 --> 00:59:04,416 Why did they throw out food 842 00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:07,961 when there were children starving in India? 843 00:59:08,086 --> 00:59:10,255 Why did they clear the rain forests 844 00:59:10,380 --> 00:59:13,216 when they needed the oxygen? 845 00:59:13,341 --> 00:59:16,845 And why did they create bus timetables 846 00:59:16,970 --> 00:59:20,223 when they never ran on time? 847 00:59:20,348 --> 00:59:22,851 He agreed with his favorite physicist 848 00:59:22,976 --> 00:59:26,104 that there are only two things infinite: 849 00:59:26,229 --> 00:59:30,108 the universe and man's stupidity. 850 00:59:32,611 --> 00:59:38,408 And for Mary, even though Max filled her with confidence... 851 00:59:38,533 --> 00:59:39,701 - Bull's-eye! 852 00:59:39,826 --> 00:59:41,411 Her world was far from perfect 853 00:59:41,536 --> 00:59:42,746 - Opa! 854 00:59:42,871 --> 00:59:46,249 The grip of love had her by the throat 855 01:00:06,436 --> 01:00:08,980 At 4:59 p.m. 856 01:00:09,106 --> 01:00:13,109 on the 8th of the 8th, 1988... 857 01:00:14,653 --> 01:00:19,324 Noel Norman Dinkle attached his last string, 858 01:00:19,449 --> 01:00:23,829 and after 40 years and 40 million tea bags, 859 01:00:23,954 --> 01:00:25,789 he retired. 860 01:00:25,914 --> 01:00:30,627 To celebrate, Noel announced he was retiring from taxidermy 861 01:00:30,752 --> 01:00:33,797 and taking up metal detecting instead. 862 01:00:35,340 --> 01:00:38,135 But sadly, it was not a hobby he had for long. 863 01:01:15,505 --> 01:01:19,301 In his will, Noel had left Mary some money, 864 01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:21,553 so she decided to go to university 865 01:01:21,678 --> 01:01:24,389 and study disorders of the mind, 866 01:01:24,514 --> 01:01:28,226 yearning to learn more about her friend. 867 01:01:28,351 --> 01:01:31,521 Mary was as popular at university 868 01:01:31,646 --> 01:01:32,772 as she was at school. 869 01:01:34,649 --> 01:01:37,944 Damian went there too, aching to be a thespian. 870 01:01:38,069 --> 01:01:40,363 - Hi, there, M-M-Mary. 871 01:01:40,488 --> 01:01:42,824 - Hi. 872 01:01:42,949 --> 01:01:44,868 Hello. 873 01:01:46,953 --> 01:01:48,580 splat! 874 01:02:27,577 --> 01:02:29,621 - Hey, Damian, 875 01:02:29,746 --> 01:02:33,708 your mum's roses look fab! 876 01:02:33,833 --> 01:02:35,961 - Ah, th-thanks, Mary. 877 01:02:36,086 --> 01:02:38,213 Urn, Mary, can I tell you something? 878 01:02:38,338 --> 01:02:40,632 - Sure, babe! 879 01:02:40,757 --> 01:02:43,176 - Urn—urn— 880 01:02:43,301 --> 01:02:45,428 you've got d-d-d-dog's poo on your shoe. 881 01:02:58,358 --> 01:03:02,237 "Dear Max, I have been such an idiot. 882 01:03:02,362 --> 01:03:04,614 "I've wasted all my money on something pointless 883 01:03:04,739 --> 01:03:07,826 "when I should have been saving to see you. 884 01:03:07,951 --> 01:03:09,661 "I know love upsets you, 885 01:03:09,786 --> 01:03:11,788 "so I won't go on about it. 886 01:03:11,913 --> 01:03:15,333 "All I want to say is that love is obviously not for me. 887 01:03:15,458 --> 01:03:17,669 "I hope you are well 888 01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:20,422 "and enjoy the chocolate cigarettes I've enclosed. 889 01:03:20,547 --> 01:03:21,464 Love, Mary." 890 01:03:22,799 --> 01:03:23,675 gulp! 891 01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:26,136 Hmm. 892 01:03:27,303 --> 01:03:28,179 Mm. 893 01:03:35,645 --> 01:03:38,523 - Oh, you should be ashamed! 894 01:03:40,066 --> 01:03:41,443 - Come on, Bethany, let's go. 895 01:03:41,568 --> 01:03:42,819 - Oh, Mom! 896 01:03:42,944 --> 01:03:44,529 - I told you never to talk to strangers, 897 01:03:44,654 --> 01:03:46,114 you naughty girl. 898 01:03:47,365 --> 01:03:48,700 ding! 899 01:03:54,497 --> 01:03:55,665 Noel's sudden death 900 01:03:55,790 --> 01:03:59,711 had filled Vera with remorse and guilt, 901 01:03:59,836 --> 01:04:04,674 and she coped in the only way she knew. 902 01:05:40,019 --> 01:05:41,729 - "Dear Max, 903 01:05:41,855 --> 01:05:45,316 "our wedding day was everything that I've ever dreamt, 904 01:05:45,442 --> 01:05:49,988 "making up for the terrible year I've had. 905 01:05:50,113 --> 01:05:53,449 "Although all the guests were Damian's family and friends, 906 01:05:53,575 --> 01:05:55,910 "I felt very welcome. 907 01:05:57,579 --> 01:05:58,997 crash! 908 01:05:59,122 --> 01:06:01,082 "Damian is so perfect. 909 01:06:01,207 --> 01:06:03,960 "He even made my wedding dress. 910 01:06:04,085 --> 01:06:05,462 "And for our honeymoon, 911 01:06:05,587 --> 01:06:09,090 "he took me to Mykonos, his favorite island in Greece. 912 01:06:09,215 --> 01:06:10,675 "I got to ride a donkey 913 01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:14,095 "and found the perfect gift for Len. 914 01:06:14,220 --> 01:06:15,972 "Poor Len. 915 01:06:16,097 --> 01:06:17,849 He's still struggling with his agoraphobia." 916 01:06:22,228 --> 01:06:25,857 crash! 917 01:06:25,982 --> 01:06:29,194 - "Damian and I are so similar. 918 01:06:29,319 --> 01:06:30,695 "He even has his own pen-friend 919 01:06:30,820 --> 01:06:34,449 who lives on a sheep farm in New Zealand." 920 01:06:36,451 --> 01:06:37,410 - Mary? 921 01:06:38,578 --> 01:06:41,039 M- M-M-Mary? 922 01:06:41,164 --> 01:06:42,207 Mary? 923 01:06:44,792 --> 01:06:49,339 Mary was bursting with self-esteem, 924 01:06:49,464 --> 01:06:52,175 and her confidence was almost unbearable. 925 01:06:54,344 --> 01:06:57,889 At university, she shone 926 01:06:58,014 --> 01:06:59,140 and took it upon herself 927 01:06:59,265 --> 01:07:02,518 to cure the world of mental illness. 928 01:07:09,359 --> 01:07:12,570 She did her thesis on Asperger's syndrome 929 01:07:12,695 --> 01:07:16,407 and used Max as her case study. 930 01:07:16,532 --> 01:07:19,577 Her professors were thoroughly impressed 931 01:07:19,702 --> 01:07:23,331 and her writing praised far and wide. 932 01:07:23,456 --> 01:07:27,752 Soon, publishers queued to print her unique insight, 933 01:07:27,877 --> 01:07:29,796 and by her 25th birthday, 934 01:07:29,921 --> 01:07:33,258 thousands of copies were ready to be shipped. 935 01:07:34,425 --> 01:07:36,427 - "Dear Max, 936 01:07:36,552 --> 01:07:39,472 "I am very proud to give you the very first copy of my book 937 01:07:39,597 --> 01:07:42,267 "about your disability 938 01:07:42,392 --> 01:07:45,019 and the hopes that we have to one day cure it." 939 01:07:47,063 --> 01:07:49,691 "Even more exciting is that I'm finally coming 940 01:07:49,816 --> 01:07:53,861 "to meet and celebrate with you in one week's time. 941 01:07:53,987 --> 01:07:57,115 "I'm also gonna give you half the royalties. 942 01:07:57,240 --> 01:08:00,785 "Your loving friend, Mary. 943 01:08:00,910 --> 01:08:06,582 P.S., please find enclosed some chocolate-coated Swiss almonds." 944 01:08:09,544 --> 01:08:12,380 Max didn't take the news very well... 945 01:08:13,756 --> 01:08:17,635 Not very well at all. 946 01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:20,138 - "Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle, 947 01:08:20,263 --> 01:08:25,643 "I cannot express myself very clearly at this moment, 948 01:08:25,768 --> 01:08:28,980 "and so I will list my emotions 949 01:08:29,105 --> 01:08:32,358 "in the order they feel most intense: 950 01:08:32,483 --> 01:08:36,112 "hurt, confuzzledness, betrayal, 951 01:08:36,237 --> 01:08:39,824 "discomfort, distress, and wheeziness. 952 01:08:39,949 --> 01:08:43,286 "This last one is not really an emotion, 953 01:08:43,411 --> 01:08:45,872 but I thought you should know about it anyway." 954 01:09:17,612 --> 01:09:20,365 With her suitcase packed for New York, 955 01:09:20,490 --> 01:09:23,534 Mary said good-bye to Damian. 956 01:09:23,660 --> 01:09:25,828 She hadn't been this excited 957 01:09:25,953 --> 01:09:30,458 since she'd found a Noblet in the gutter. 958 01:09:30,583 --> 01:09:34,962 But her excitement suddenly dribbled away 959 01:09:35,088 --> 01:09:37,590 like a chocolate in the sun. 960 01:10:48,786 --> 01:10:52,832 Mary slowly sank into a puddle of depression, 961 01:10:52,957 --> 01:10:56,961 self-loathing, and cooking sherry. 962 01:10:57,086 --> 01:11:01,424 The only color left in her life was her beloved Damian, 963 01:11:01,549 --> 01:11:07,638 only an arm's length away but as distant as the moon. 964 01:11:13,436 --> 01:11:18,649 She lost interest in the world, and it lost interest in her 965 01:11:18,774 --> 01:11:23,654 as a horrible apparition began to haunt 966 01:11:23,779 --> 01:11:27,492 She started to spend her nights making pompoms 967 01:11:27,617 --> 01:11:31,287 and eating two-minute noodles. 968 01:12:17,041 --> 01:12:20,002 Hmm. 969 01:12:34,684 --> 01:12:38,062 Each day, with strength and shame, 970 01:12:38,187 --> 01:12:41,607 Mary trudged to the letterbox in hope, 971 01:12:41,732 --> 01:12:44,819 only to swivel, shrivel, 972 01:12:44,944 --> 01:12:47,989 and slink back inside. 973 01:13:25,401 --> 01:13:26,402 thud! 974 01:13:40,583 --> 01:13:43,252 - "My dearest Mary, 975 01:13:43,377 --> 01:13:45,129 "by the time you read this, 976 01:13:45,254 --> 01:13:46,714 "I will be on a plane to New Zealand 977 01:13:46,839 --> 01:13:49,467 "to begin a new life. 978 01:13:49,592 --> 01:13:53,846 "You probably haven't even noticed I'd packed my bags. 979 01:13:53,971 --> 01:13:58,059 "I have fallen in love with— with my pen-friend, Desmond. 980 01:13:58,184 --> 01:14:00,311 "and I'm going to live on his sheep farm. 981 01:14:02,980 --> 01:14:04,231 "It's been hard to watch you 982 01:14:04,357 --> 01:14:06,817 "become a remnant of the person I once loved. 983 01:14:06,942 --> 01:14:08,486 "Your research into m-m-mental illness 984 01:14:08,611 --> 01:14:09,946 "has been admirable, 985 01:14:10,071 --> 01:14:15,159 "but your i-i-idealistic pursuit to remedy it has been misguided. 986 01:14:15,284 --> 01:14:16,869 "Mary, you have to realize, 987 01:14:16,994 --> 01:14:18,871 "you are not some sort of magic beauty cream 988 01:14:18,996 --> 01:14:22,750 "you can smooth on the world to rid of its wrinkles. 989 01:14:22,875 --> 01:14:25,044 "I love you, Mary, 990 01:14:25,169 --> 01:14:28,005 "but I love Desmond more. 991 01:14:28,130 --> 01:14:29,548 "I hope one day your heart will heal, 992 01:14:29,674 --> 01:14:31,801 "and we can be friends. 993 01:14:31,926 --> 01:14:35,096 Yours compassionately, Damian." 994 01:14:38,182 --> 01:14:39,975 thud! 995 01:14:57,868 --> 01:15:00,246 - Aargh! 996 01:15:00,371 --> 01:15:03,791 "Dear Mayor Ridiculani, 997 01:15:03,916 --> 01:15:08,254 "on Monday, I counted 27 people 998 01:15:08,379 --> 01:15:10,923 "illegally dropping cigarette butts. 999 01:15:11,048 --> 01:15:12,967 "I would like to recommend 1000 01:15:13,092 --> 01:15:17,388 "the fine be increased to a minimum of $1 million 1001 01:15:17,513 --> 01:15:20,057 "as a stronger deterrent, 1002 01:15:20,182 --> 01:15:21,058 and would be happy..." 1003 01:15:55,718 --> 01:15:57,928 - Thank you. - Thank you. 1004 01:16:42,264 --> 01:16:44,058 - Sorry. 1005 01:17:03,994 --> 01:17:06,622 - "Dear Mary, 1006 01:17:06,747 --> 01:17:12,128 "please find enclosed my entire Noblet collection 1007 01:17:12,253 --> 01:17:15,506 "as a sign that I forgive you. 1008 01:17:15,631 --> 01:17:16,966 When I received your book..." 1009 01:17:57,339 --> 01:18:01,010 What? 1010 01:18:16,525 --> 01:18:18,194 On the way home, 1011 01:18:18,319 --> 01:18:21,363 Max sat to count the stars. 1012 01:18:21,488 --> 01:18:23,657 He felt complete. 1013 01:18:23,782 --> 01:18:28,162 The world was back in balance. 1014 01:19:48,534 --> 01:19:54,456 - When I was just a little girl 1015 01:19:54,581 --> 01:20:01,714 I asked my mother, What will I be? 1016 01:20:01,839 --> 01:20:04,758 Will I be pretty? 1017 01:20:04,883 --> 01:20:07,636 Will I be rich? 1018 01:20:07,761 --> 01:20:12,224 Here's what she said to me 1019 01:20:12,349 --> 01:20:17,646 Que sera, sera 1020 01:20:17,771 --> 01:20:23,694 Whatever will be, will be 1021 01:20:23,819 --> 01:20:29,116 The future's not ours to see 1022 01:20:29,241 --> 01:20:33,203 Que sera, sera 1023 01:20:59,688 --> 01:21:05,069 Que sera, sera 1024 01:21:05,194 --> 01:21:10,449 Whatever will be, will be 1025 01:21:10,574 --> 01:21:15,704 The future's not ours to see 1026 01:21:15,829 --> 01:21:21,627 Que sera, sera 1027 01:21:21,752 --> 01:21:27,758 What will be, will be 1028 01:21:27,883 --> 01:21:31,387 Que sera, sera 1029 01:21:54,034 --> 01:21:55,285 - Ah! 1030 01:21:55,410 --> 01:21:56,954 Len had saved the day. 1031 01:21:57,079 --> 01:21:59,456 And after 45 years, 1032 01:21:59,581 --> 01:22:03,627 he finally conquered his agoraphobia. 1033 01:22:08,257 --> 01:22:10,592 - Moron! 1034 01:22:19,643 --> 01:22:21,395 - "Dear Mary, 1035 01:22:21,520 --> 01:22:23,105 "please find enclosed 1036 01:22:23,230 --> 01:22:26,316 "my entire Noblet collection 1037 01:22:26,441 --> 01:22:29,653 "as a sign that I forgive you. 1038 01:22:29,778 --> 01:22:31,697 "When I received your book, 1039 01:22:31,822 --> 01:22:34,199 "the emotions inside my brain 1040 01:22:34,324 --> 01:22:36,827 "felt like they were in a tumble dryer, 1041 01:22:36,952 --> 01:22:40,164 "smashing into each other. 1042 01:22:40,289 --> 01:22:43,000 "The hurt felt like when I accidentally 1043 01:22:43,125 --> 01:22:44,418 "stapled my lips together. 1044 01:22:45,961 --> 01:22:51,633 "The reason I forgive you is because you are not perfect. 1045 01:22:51,758 --> 01:22:56,180 "You are imperfect, and so am I. 1046 01:22:56,305 --> 01:22:59,349 "All humans are imperfect, 1047 01:22:59,474 --> 01:23:03,312 "even the man outside my apartment who litters. 1048 01:23:03,437 --> 01:23:04,688 "When I was young, 1049 01:23:04,813 --> 01:23:09,151 "I wanted to be anybody but myself. 1050 01:23:09,276 --> 01:23:13,530 "Dr. Bernard Hazelhof said if I was on a desert island, 1051 01:23:13,655 --> 01:23:17,284 "then I would have to get used to my own company, 1052 01:23:17,409 --> 01:23:20,787 "just me and the coconuts. 1053 01:23:20,913 --> 01:23:25,042 "He said I would have to accept myself, 1054 01:23:25,167 --> 01:23:27,377 "my warts and all, 1055 01:23:27,503 --> 01:23:30,839 "and that we don't get to choose our warts. 1056 01:23:30,964 --> 01:23:35,844 "They are a part of us, and we have to live with them. 1057 01:23:35,969 --> 01:23:40,933 "We can, however, choose our friends, 1058 01:23:41,058 --> 01:23:44,561 "and I am glad I have chosen you. 1059 01:23:44,686 --> 01:23:50,692 "Dr. Bernard Hazelhof also said that everyone's lives 1060 01:23:50,817 --> 01:23:53,737 "are like a very long sidewalk. 1061 01:23:53,862 --> 01:23:55,697 "Some are well-paved. 1062 01:23:55,822 --> 01:23:59,326 "Others, like mine, have cracks, 1063 01:23:59,451 --> 01:24:03,247 "banana skins, and cigarette butts. 1064 01:24:03,372 --> 01:24:06,667 "Your sidewalk is like mine, 1065 01:24:06,792 --> 01:24:10,754 "but probably not as many cracks. 1066 01:24:10,879 --> 01:24:14,758 "Hopefully one day our sidewalks will meet, 1067 01:24:14,883 --> 01:24:19,972 "and we can share a can of condensed milk. 1068 01:24:21,515 --> 01:24:25,519 "You are my best friend. 1069 01:24:25,644 --> 01:24:28,855 "You are my only friend. 1070 01:24:28,981 --> 01:24:34,569 "Your American pen pal, Max Jerry Horowitz. 1071 01:24:34,695 --> 01:24:38,949 "P.S., I have recently found the perfect job 1072 01:24:39,074 --> 01:24:40,659 "with a survey company. 1073 01:24:40,784 --> 01:24:43,120 "All I have to do is eat things 1074 01:24:43,245 --> 01:24:47,040 and tick boxes." 1075 01:26:06,995 --> 01:26:08,622 - Max? 1076 01:26:13,168 --> 01:26:14,336 Max? 1077 01:26:19,508 --> 01:26:21,301 Max? 1078 01:26:23,303 --> 01:26:25,389 Hello? 1079 01:26:28,767 --> 01:26:31,353 Max, it's us. 1080 01:26:31,478 --> 01:26:33,188 We're here. 1081 01:26:36,191 --> 01:26:40,070 Max? 1082 01:26:45,283 --> 01:26:49,538 Max had died peacefully that morning, 1083 01:26:49,663 --> 01:26:54,042 after finishing his final can of condensed milk. 1084 01:28:05,530 --> 01:28:07,991 - You are my best friend. 1085 01:28:08,116 --> 01:28:11,119 You are my only friend. 1086 01:28:16,708 --> 01:28:19,503 He smelted like licorice and old books, 1087 01:28:19,628 --> 01:28:21,880 she thought to herself, 1088 01:28:22,005 --> 01:28:26,426 as tears rolled from her eyes, 1089 01:28:26,551 --> 01:28:33,058 the color of muddy puddles.